DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: A long time ago my husband had a huge falling out with his family. They are all about money, status, and appearances and he is into standing on his own and making his way in the world, regardless of being ultra-rich or successful.

We found out his favorite Auntie, one of the only people in the family who stood up for him when he made decisions the rest of them did not like, died just after Labor Day. No one bothered to reach out to him to let him know about her death. He would most certainly have attended her funeral, even though it would have meant seeing a lot of people who hate him and never hesitate to let him know how they feel. We found out about her passing from an old neighbor of his aunt’s we ran into not long after the funeral.

My husband is not obnoxious or a criminal or in any way a bad person. The family he used to care about has deeply hurt him just because he does not want to live their life.

What gives any family the right to block out one of their own just because that person does not follow their rules? How is that even a real family? --- WIFE OF SHUT OUT

DEAR WIFE OF SHUT OUT: It’s never good to hear these kinds of stories about the ugly side of family politics, and in too many cases there are those families set on punishing members who disappoint them in some way.

Whether not notifying your husband of his aunt’s death was done vindictively or merely out of a habit of non-communication, it’s unfortunate your husband wasn’t allowed to pay his respects to someone he cared for.

Estrangement takes a toll on everyone involved. At some point, if that point hasn’t already come, in order for your husband to move past the pain of his family’s treatment of him, my guess is he’ll make a difficult decision about whether it will help him more to attempt to close the chasm or to accept the rupture is permanent.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I met a guy on Tinder and we started talking five months after I broke up with my old boyfriend. I was with my ex-boyfriend through the last two years of college and for the first year after we graduated. Then I found out he was interested in someone he met at work. Nothing happened with her until we were not together anymore, but it did happen quickly after we ended things.

Unlike my ex, I waited a few months to start looking around, and when I connected with the guy I am with now, I still took my time to make sure he was boyfriend material.

Things seemed to be going fine until he told me he isn’t really into exclusive relationships. That’s when he told me that even though he really likes me, he has been seeing someone else too from almost the start of when we got together.

I really like this guy, and after being in a long-term relationship for a few years straight, I am actually not sure I am ready to get too deeply involved with a new guy, but I also know the open thing feels uncomfortable to me.

If I am not sure what I want, do you think open’s actually the way to go? --- UNDECIDED

DEAR UNDECIDED: If you’re not ready to jump into a committed relationship right now, then going out with someone who shares that frame of mind may make some sense.

However, you expressed that you’re not entirely comfortable with an open arrangement. If you find you’re getting stronger feelings for this new man than he’s demonstrating he has for you, I think you’d be better in the long run taking your time and finding someone you click with and who isn’t concurrently clicking with other people.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I was nine when my parents got divorced. My older sister was 12, and the “baby” of the family, my younger brother was five.

It was a long time coming. They tried counseling, trial separations, and at least two failed reconciliations. By the time they finalized their divorce, they had done a number on all our heads, mostly by trying to get the three of us to side with one of them.

I didn’t take the bait, but my sister and brother were not able to step back as I did after a few years and shut the sh#t out. I would like to say that now we’re all adults, living our own lives and the games my parents played are done, but they are still at it whenever they think they can slap the other one around emotionally.

Their latest games were played at my grandmother’s funeral, for God’s sake. My Gran sided with my mother, even though she was my dad’s mom. She was probably right. My dad did some really f-ed up things while my parents were still “together” and for a long time after.

It was like they both needed to know if my sister, brother, and I were sorrier for him or her in the loss of Gran.

Honest to God, I am sick of this. Don’t you think two people in their fifties should get it together and move on with their lives and not be bringing their kids into their never-ending war? --- SO TIRED OF IT

DEAR SO TIRED OF IT: Unfortunately, some wounds never heal, and it’s probable that those your parents inflicted upon each other fall into that category. If so, I wouldn’t be too optimistic that they’ll change their ways in that respect.

However, I’m glad to hear you’ve been able to stay out of their battles. Eventually your siblings may be able to find their own methods to likewise avoid getting caught up in the ongoing dramas. It could weaken your still-battling parents’ efforts if they no longer have any support for their mind games from their children.