DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Ever since we were in high school “Kaylie” and I promised we would be each other’s maid of honor.

When she got engaged last Christmas, she officially asked me to be her MOH at her wedding next year, and I of course said yes. We then started planning the wedding with her mother and her future mother-in-law, and everything was fine.

Last week I got a text from her saying she wanted to give me a heads-up that she and “Ray” eloped because they decided they didn’t want the whole big wedding. They then started posting their announcement and pictures from the courthouse all over the place.

I was completely blindsided, and it hurts. I have spoken to Kaylie’s mom and she feels the same, but says she supports their decision and that the newlyweds agreed to take care of covering the lost deposits, saying that still works out a lot cheaper than the wedding would have.

I know this was their decision to make, but it hurts that one of my oldest, and I thought closest friends didn’t at least ask for me to be a witness at the courthouse. I would have been fine with that even.

Several of our other friends have sent me messages saying they were shocked by the whole thing too and were disappointed for me because they knew how excited I was to be Kaylie’s MOH and all.

I have been doing the suck it up thing, but I feel I need to say something directly to Kaylie about how hurt I am. I know this isn’t really about me at all, but I also didn’t expect to find myself in this position.

Am I right to say something to Kaylie about how I feel? --- DO I SPEAK UP?

DEAR DO I SPEAK UP?: Your disappointment is understandable, but as you already acknowledged, the decision to elope was the couple’s to make.

For now, I think it best to keep your disappointment to yourself. You know you’re not the only one both surprised and feeling let down.

You were prepared to be there for your friend as a bride. Now it’s your chance to be there for her as a newlywed.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When our kids were young I had to pinch our pennies to be able to give them a decent Christmas. They never asked for much, and that is sadly what they got.

My two kids now have kids of their own and I enjoy spoiling my grandkids the way I never could their parents. I am lucky in now being in a career that has paid very well for the last ten years. I have been able to pay off my mortgage, take nice vacations, and put something away every month, all things I was never in a position to do when I was raising my kids.

I heard from one of my daughters that she and her sister took a vote and agreed I need to just stop going so overboard for my grandkids at Christmas. They are trying to instill a sense of the true meaning of the holiday and don’t go overboard in getting gifts for their kids.

I consider myself as good a Christian as the girls I raised, and I don’t see how getting nice things for my grandkids, things their parents aren’t able to afford for them, is such a wrong thing, and I told them so. They said it’s just too much, all the toys and clothes I buy for them.

Is it wrong for me to want to spoil my grandkids when I can? --- COMFORTABLE GRANDMOTHER

DEAR COMFORTABLE GRANDMOTHER: Wanting to spoil your grandchildren is a given for most grandparents. However, if your daughters are asking you to tone it down, it’s a good idea to respect their wishes.

Rather than getting them a bevy of toys and clothes, you could put less under the tree or in their stockings and put the balance of what you would’ve spent into your grandchildren’s savings accounts. That’s be a practical gift that doesn’t take up any space and is likely to be appreciated for years to come.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: In mid-December 2023 my dad retired after 25 years in the army. He had this big list of little things he wanted to do. He worked his way through that list and now he is driving himself and my mom crazy with too much energy and nothing to do.

Both my brother and I keep telling them to come and visit us, but he said he did enough traveling when he was still in and wants to stay put.

My mom is very involved with her church, but that’s a no go for my father. She is after him to find some kind of part time or volunteer job, or to at least join a veteran or other social group, but he says he isn’t ready to do that either. So basically, anything that gets suggested gets shot down.

Why is he so stubborn and determined to be bored and then complain about it? --- RETIRED ARMY BRAT

DEAR RETIRED ARMY BRAT: A social worker who specializes in counseling veterans told me that it takes about two years for former service members to adjust to civilian life.

Your dad is just halfway there, and although it might not seem like it to you, by ruling out what he’s sure he doesn’t want to do, he’s at least working through a few options for how he could ultimately spend his retirement, and his grumbling may be part of his process.

It’s hard enough for some people after they retire from the 9-5 routine. Your dad left behind a lifestyle as well as a career, so I say give him some more time to figure things out for himself. Hopefully he’ll get there on his own.