Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: With both sets of grandparents retired and living close by, what on earth could have made our daughter and son-in-law hire an au pair?

Up until they told us that was their decision, we had a perfectly working system covering the days both parents were out of the house.

We are all hurt and baffled. --- HURT BY THE CHANGE

DEAR HURT BY THE CHANGE: To avoid having this development turn into a wrench in your relationship with your daughter and son-in-law, I think it’s worth asking them the question you’ve sent my way.

Their decision may not be any kind of reflection on you and your fellow grandparents. The younger couple has their reasons for what they’ve decided to do, among which could be an assumption this is a good thing for the grandparents, a way to free up your days and enable you to enjoy your retirements more fully. But you won’t know if you don’t politely and calmly ask.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My male pattern baldness started becoming obvious in my early-20s. I turned 28 last year and have been shaving my head for two years.

The woman I am now seeing thinks it’s silly to shave my head. She thinks I should just let my hair, what there is of it, grow out. What she doesn’t seem to understand is that I feel self-conscious with a receding hairline topped with a bald spot.

She thinks once my hair is more visible I can start changing my diet and taking supplements and maybe even treatments to regrow my hair.

I doubt any of that stuff will work. My uncle and cousin both lost their hair early and tried everything from vitamins to surgery, and none of it took. I also tried a few things earlier on, which also didn’t do anything beyond cost me money and give me some uneven temporary regrowth.

I say it’s in the genes. She thinks I can fix it.

It makes me think she isn’t accepting me for who I am. Isn’t that how it seems to play? --- FINE AS I AM

DEAR FINE AS I AM: Either that or she apparently isn’t listening to what you’re telling her about how you’ve decided to deal with your hair loss.

If you’re at peace with your solution, which it sounds like you are, then that’s your best argument in the to shave or not to shave debate with your lady friend. It’s your appearance, your call, and it’s up to her to go with it or not.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend and some of her college friends did a long weekend to celebrate their all turning 25. From their Instagram posts it looks like it was a wild time.

I’m totally cool with my girlfriend having a good time, but her ex shows up in most of the shots, never with her, but there and obviously part of the weekend.

She told me before she left that she didn’t think he was going to be there. They were serious until he met someone else right around the time she met me, which my girlfriend always tells me just proved they were not meant to be and we were.

I asked her if she saw much of him while they were all together, and she told me no, but he’s sure in all the backgrounds.

I don’t want to make a big deal about this, but I keep wondering if anything happened while they were together.

Would it be wrong for me to ask my girlfriend if anything happened? --- I WASN’T THERE

DEAR I WASN’T THERE: Unless you have a solid and compelling reason to believe your girlfriend isn’t being truthful, I think you’re better off giving her the benefit of the doubt and accepting her version of the weekend.

It doesn’t sound like the photos show anything beyond a group of friends having fun together, and if you’re going to move forward with your girlfriend, you’ll have to learn to trust her and what she tells you.

Distrust isn’t a foundation for healthy relationships.