DEAR ABBY: My husband is a great husband and father to our three children, ages 17, 10 and 4. The problem is, he leaves his loaded 9mm gun lying around our house. Last week, I found it on the kitchen table. Now here's the kicker: He's a police officer.

He leaves it in the holster, which is tricky to remove the gun from. He insists, "It can't be fired while it's in the holster." Abby, I don't care! My kids have friends in and out of our home daily.

The next time I find the gun lying around, I plan on taking it to his chief and explaining the problem to him. Am I out of line? Please don't mention my name or city. -- UPSET IN WASHINGTON

DEAR UPSET: Your husband is acting like an ostrich. ("There isn't a problem because I refuse to see it.")

I think your solution is excellent, and here's why. Just a few weeks ago, I saw a report on the evening news about an officer of the law who was driving his vehicle with his 3-year-old son along for the ride. The child somehow got ahold of his father's gun, and shot his father in the back.

The policeman somehow managed to get the vehicle stopped, and asked a witness to "look out for his child" before being taken to the hospital. The report concluded that the officer might be paralyzed for life. Enough said?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are having a disagreement and have agreed to let you settle it for us.

My husband has two children, ages 17 and 13, who live with their mother and stepfather. They are with us about 15 percent of the year. Both kids have part-time jobs. They tell my husband what they want for Christmas and their birthdays, and he always gives them generous gifts on those occasions plus presents in between visits. We entertain them with lots of fun activities when they are with us, and take them on expensive trips.

The problem is, they never give my husband any presents at Christmas, his birthday or on Father's Day. Once in a while, they'll send him a card. Family members have spoken to them about this more than once, but there have been no changes.

My husband says he wants to continue to model generosity. I say, enough of this one-sided giving! In a healthy relationship, one person does not make all the effort. I say it's time to modify the giving and/or just give them cards. What do you think? -- HAD IT IN ARLINGTON, WASH.

DEAR HAD IT: Your husband should not suddenly punish his children by cutting off the gifts. Children behave as they have been taught -- usually by their mothers.

When they were younger, their mother should have taken them to buy special occasion gifts for their dad. She probably didn't because she was bitter about the divorce. When they are grown, they may learn to be more thoughtful -- but don't count on it, because patterns of giving are learned in childhood.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper reply to a business acquaintance who sends a notice, with pictures, announcing that he was married two weeks earlier? -- ASKANCE IN HOUSTON

DEAR ASKANCE: Add his wife's name to your Rolodex so you can inquire about her the next time you run into the business acquaintance, and send him a congratulatory card.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended the funeral of my beloved Uncle Joe. Uncle Joe had never married and had no children -- or so everyone thought. At the funeral a woman came up to me, showed me a photograph, and claimed it was Uncle Joe's 31-year-old son who, she said, is stationed in the Navy in another state. The resemblance is truly remarkable!

She loaned me the picture and gave me her address. I have so many questions I wish I had asked her, but didn't feel comfortable doing it right then. I would write her a letter, but I have no idea where to start or what to say. Have you any suggestions? -- THROWN FOR A LOOP, LEWISTON, IDAHO

DEAR THROWN FOR A LOOP: You did not mention whether your uncle had a will when he died, or whether he owned any property, so before contacting this lady you should discuss this with the rest of the family and the family lawyer. Your legal representative might want to contact the woman or the alleged son regarding any claim he might have on Uncle Joe's estate.

As to sending a letter, take your cue from the person who's representing you.

DEAR ABBY: Children need more than paper, pencils and a lunch box to be prepared for this school year. They also need health care coverage. Children who have health insurance are better prepared to learn in school and better equipped to succeed in life.

Unfortunately, nearly 3.3 million children in the United States are uninsured. That means one out of every 10 kids might not receive the medical care they need, when they need it.

The good news is most uninsured children are eligible for low-cost or free health care coverage through Medicaid or the State Children's Health Insurance Program. These programs exist in every state and the District of Columbia and cover doctor's visits and prescriptions, but many parents may not believe their kids are eligible. Because these parents are working, they may think they earn too much money to qualify.

Anyone who cares about an uninsured child -- that includes grandparents, teachers, day care providers, ministers and others -- can do his part by telling parents about these programs and urging them to get more information.

Abby, I know you share my concern that these children be allowed to start the school year off right -- with good health and access to health care. Thank you for helping us connect children with the services they need. -- RISA LAVIZZO-MOUREY, M.D., PRESIDENT AND CEO, ROBERT WOOD JOHNSON FOUNDATION

DEAR DR. LAVIZZO-MOUREY: You're welcome. I'm pleased to help you spread the word about this important program for low-income families. With children heading back to school, your letter is a timely one.

Readers, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation sponsors a program nationwide called Covering Kids and Families, and invites parents of uninsured children to call (toll-free) (877) 543-7669 ((877) KIDS-NOW) to find out if your children are eligible. The need is great, so please don't wait to place that call.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married this fall. When we booked the minister last year, he seemed like a nice man. We have since found that he's very overbearing and micromanages everything.

What would be a discreet way of telling him that we no longer want him to perform our ceremony? We have already booked someone else. -- VERBALLY BATTERED BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR VERBALLY BATTERED: Tell him your "plans have changed" and you will no longer be needing his services. (He may think that the wedding is off.)

If he starts questioning you, then tell him exactly what you have told me. Because his personality is affecting his business, he needs to hear it. You'll be doing him a favor in the long run.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore in a good university, studying chemical engineering. My mother feels that since I'm studying such a potentially rewarding and well-paying field, I should date only other engineers or pre-med students. She says she wants me to date people who will benefit me if we stay together.

Earlier this year, I met a girl who goes to a local community college and plans to be a teacher, and introduced her to my mother on the phone. Afterward, my mother asked me what school and major she was in. When I told her, she said I could do better and should date people on my own level.

This was extremely hurtful. My mother never gives the girls I introduce her to a chance. I really like this girl and don't want something like this to interfere. What can I do about my mother's narrow-minded thinking? -- HURT IN HACKENSACK, N.J.

DEAR HURT: Not much, I'm afraid. You view selecting a partner from a romantic perspective. From your mother's perspective, it will be a financial merger. I'm sure your mother wants you to be happy as much as you do. However, you are not an extension of her -- and only you can determine what qualifications are important to you in a life partner. When you are fully mature you will understand this and make your own decision without seeking her approval.

DEAR ABBY: During our visit to my family at Thanksgiving two years ago, my father made advances toward my wife. He was drunk at the time. My wife told me about it after we had left. I fully support her and do not question what occurred.

The problem is my mother and the rest of the family are wondering why we no longer visit. (It's about 18 hours away by car.) I am running out of excuses, and my wife has made it clear that she's not comfortable going back to visit with my dad there.

I don't want to put my wife in that position, but I do want my daughters to visit with my mother and the rest of the family, including nieces and nephews. I feel like I need to confront this, but I'm not sure how. Any advice? -- ON THE SPOT IN KATY, TEXAS

DEAR ON THE SPOT: You wouldn't be on the spot had you dealt with this at the time it occurred. Your mother should be told the truth about why you have stayed away. I don't know how much or how often your father drinks, or if he has pulled this on any of the other women in the family. But as it stands, your daughters should not visit their grandparents unless they are strictly supervised by you and their mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ryan," who is 10 years older than I am, for only two months. He treats me like a princess, but he does not want to have a committed relationship. His last relationship, which lasted three years, was not very good. He has been separated from her for 10 months and still hasn't gotten over her.

I have recently divorced after a marriage of many years. I would like for Ryan and me to be more than friends, but he is unwilling at this point.

Should I give this more time and just stay "friends" -- as he calls us -- for a while, until he is over his previous relationship and has a clear mind on what he wants? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Absolutely. Because, if I have read your letter correctly, you have no other choice if you want a relationship with Ryan.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)