Hi, Helaine: My partner and I are both in our mid-40s. He earns about half what I do. Almost all our monthly income goes toward paying down our debt: There's the mortgage, two newer cars, a $40,000 401(k) loan, a $9,000 student loan and $16,000 in credit card debt. About half his monthly income goes to child support and will for one more year.

Now I've been offered an exciting position with my company, and it includes a transfer to Spain (when the current crisis is over, that is), and it will likely be for five years. The salary is in euros, but of course the debt is in U.S. dollars.

We'd really love to make this move for the European experience. I am considering taking on a five-year personal loan to pay off the student loan and the credit cards. We can break even keeping our home as a rental and sell the cars. My company's Spanish entity won't do 401(k) from my paycheck, so it will be reported to the IRS as an early withdrawal and incur taxes and penalties.

Given all this, I expect we will have very little money left over at the end of the month, until he can find a job and child support ends. Making the move seems like a poor financial decision, but an opportunity that may not come again. What would you do? -- Eager Ex-Pat

Dear Eager Ex-Pat: This is a tough one. I totally get the urge to travel and to take advantage of what might well be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. But I need to be honest: A move to Spain sounds like a financial catastrophe waiting to happen, and sooner rather than later.

You've no guarantee your partner will be able to find another job. You will run up a huge tax bill unless you take on a personal loan large enough to pay down the 401(k). And, to be even more honest, your financial house is not in order, and it sounds like that's been true for quite some time.

There's a joke about traveling when your life isn't going well: same troubles, different location. I'd make an addendum for you: worse troubles, different location. It sounds to me like you can't afford to take this opportunity.

I suggest you ask if you can revisit the offer in a year and use that time to both see how the world economy shakes out and attempt to get your own financial affairs in order. I'd recommend sitting down with a debt counselor from a nonprofit service who can review your bills and your income, and make suggestions on how to budget to pay off the debt.

And if this is a one-time offer from your employer, I'd suggest adding one more task to your agenda while paying down the debt: brainstorming other job options abroad -- for when you can afford to do it, that is.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Hi, Helaine: I see the government is allowing people to postpone paying their 2019 taxes till July of this year because of the coronavirus epidemic. I owe several thousand dollars. My taxes are prepared, and the money is set aside to pay the feds. What should I do now? I think I should keep the money in the bank till I absolutely need to send it in, but my wife says no, we owe the IRS, and we should pay up as soon as possible. -- To Pay or Not to Pay

Dear To Pay or Not to Pay: Great question! The federal government is extending the deadline on filing and paying 2019 taxes (if you owe them) to July 15. That's because they've got valid concerns that people who have been ordered to shelter in place, or are ill or quarantined but still need to meet in person with a tax preparer, will not be able to do so.

Let me be clear: For all the readers who expect refunds, file earlier if you can. It's possible you'll need that money as the economy continues to deteriorate as a result of the response to the coronavirus epidemic.

But let's say you owe money. First, just because federal deadlines have been extended, that's not necessarily true for all states. If you want to delay paying, you need to check if your state has pushed off its deadlines as well. And you need to answer another question: Why delay filing if the returns are already completed and you've got the money on hand to pay the tax bill? That comes down to your financial situation.

If you've got the money set aside to pay the tax bill, and you are absolutely positive you've got enough in emergency funds set aside to weather the coming economic storm, I'd say pay the bill now. What else are you going to do with the money?

But if you don't have enough funds in the bank to live on should you lose a significant amount of income -- an increasingly likely possibility for millions of people -- I would suggest you not pay your tax bill at this point. You might need that money. In that case, keep the sum in your savings account, and in a worst-case scenario, you can work out a payment plan with the IRS after this crisis passes. In the best case, of course, you'll pay the bill by July 15.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Hi, Helaine: I’ve been living with my elderly parent for two years. It wasn’t intentional. It’s a voluntary choice that became an entrapment. My sister wanted my dad to move into assisted living. It was an expensive disaster, close to $10,000 a month. After that, I took a year off paid work to get his life settled -- taking care of hospitalizations, rehab, and an aging house that needed repairs (something I supervised). We’ve since hired a weekday helper, and I am working part-time. But my sibling -- married with kids -- isn’t very involved. We will both inherit the estate and home. She’s promised to “make me whole” based on money I’ve expended for caregiving, but it’s beginning to feel burdensome and unfair.

I don’t want to get into a fight over assets, yet it doesn’t feel quite right that I’ve taken time from my career, and continue to live a sort of half-life, and I’m not making a full-time salary. That’s money not going toward retirement at an age when once again getting the kind of well-paid job I once had isn’t easy. Essentially, I am the replacement for the pricey old-folks home. How do I have this conversation? -- A Very Tired Caretaker

Dear Very Tired Caretaker: This is how life happens. You make one decision, and then another, and then another. They all seem like the right one at the time, but no one involved realizes the full-on consequences. Two years later, you are serving as an unpaid caretaker, dependent on your sister’s ethics and honor to be compensated when it’s all over.

You absolutely need to have this conversation, and sooner rather than later. The typical female caretaker for an older relative will lose more than $300,000 in lifetime earnings. One solution seems rather obvious: Your father -- or whomever is in charge of his financial affairs -- should pay you for your services in real time. You could do this via a caregiver agreement, something an eldercare lawyer could help you structure.

So how to proceed? I suggest you get all your financials in order -- how much money you are losing monthly helping out, and the long-term consequences of it, such as retirement savings and Social Security payments, and what you believe you need to be compensated for on a monthly basis as well as what your services are saving over, say, an assisted living or nursing home placement. Then send your sister a note saying you need to have a sit-down to address the financial aspects of the situation at her convenience but in the near future. There’s no way to make this easy, but it needs to be done.

And, finally, a word of caution, and one I hate to issue: If your sister is resistant to addressing the issue now, you might take that as a warning for how well you’ll be made “whole” by her after your dad passes. I will also remind you that what you are doing is wonderful, but if you cannot do it any longer and decide to once again look at assisted living for your dad, you are still a good person.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)