DEAR MISS MANNERS: A new chair was recently hired for my department. He and his wife have been in town a few months and are gradually getting to know the rest of the faculty.

Miss Manners, the wife's hairstyle is frankly grotesque. She wears it wildly teased and sprayed like a country singer from the '70s. She is a nice lady, but everyone is tittering and making derisive comments behind her back. Can she (and her husband) truly be unaware of how inappropriate she looks? How, if at all, should this be addressed?

GENTLE READER: Does your college have a coiffure code? And do you really propose to enforce one unilaterally?

Miss Manners warns you that to level criticism in any way will make your life a misery. You would only be asking people to judge your own stylistic choices.

Besides, there is only so much that can be done with hair, and therefore styles have a way of reappearing as if new. For all you know, the students, who weren't born in the '70s, might love and imitate this look, and you could soon see it all around the campus.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son will graduate from high school, and we intend to celebrate by throwing a joint party with one of his friends. This shindig will be on a Sunday at noon and include a buffet lunch, with our two families inviting our own family and friends as well as a group of families who are in both of our circles. My question is how we word the invitation(s).

At first I thought our family would issue an invitation to our guest list just mentioning my son and the celebration, and my friend would do the same for her son. But now, I'm wondering if any of our guests who come would be made uncomfortable to arrive at our home to discover that another young man is celebrating at the same time.

But, by adding his name onto our invitation, would we be implying we expect some sort of recognition to both young men? What we really want is our guests to feel welcome to enjoy the food and friendship completely free of any expectations on our part. Should each family issue its own invitation, or should we do some sort of joint invitation to all?

GENTLE READER: Here is another way to honor your son and his friend: Have them issue the invitations, not to honor themselves, of course, but to celebrate their graduation.

Miss Manners would consider it a gracious sign, to them as well as to their guests, that they are growing up and have reached a milestone of independence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My very proper friend and her brother both tell me that it is rude to talk about how well (or poorly) one slept. I'm 66 years young, and I've never heard that admonition before. Have I been sleeping under a rock?

GENTLE READER: If so, you probably should tell someone who can help you to find more comfortable accommodations.

Otherwise, such bulletins should be addressed only to those who are presumed to have a real interest, such as hosts, doctors and people who are worried about your well-being. Most people don't even want to hear your dreams.

Also, Miss Manners must gently inform you that as you want to present yourself as young, this is not the way to go about it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An old friend, but one I had not kept in touch with for more than 15 years, called to say he's visiting from the opposite coast and asked if we could get together.

I was delighted to hear from him, and in the course of catching up on each other's lives and arranging dinner, he inquired about my wife: "So are you and Jane still together?"

Well, neither has left the other for an upgrade; why, just this very morning she yelled at me for giving the dog too many treats. And neither of us has been hit by the proverbial bus.

So the question seemed a bit off-putting. On the other hand, given how fragile relationships and life are, the inquiry doesn't seem completely inappropriate. Could it have been worded more artfully?

GENTLE READER: Yes. "How is Jane?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It's my third marriage. Should I have my dad walk me down the aisle?

GENTLE READER: If he doesn't plead exhaustion from the first two trips.

Miss Manners reminds you that the guests will be aware that his previous attempts to give you away were unsuccessful. But the custom is now so far removed from its original meaning of a bride's leaving the guardianship of her father for that of a husband that it hardly seems to matter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often host play dates at my home with young children and their mothers. The kids all play together while the moms chat. When it is time to end the play date, the mothers often try to make the kids pick up the toys, or the mothers will pick them up themselves.

I would prefer they leave the toys for me and my children to pick up ourselves. For one thing, I am trying to teach my children that when you are hosting, it is your duty to clean up. Secondly, I don't want to make visiting our house a chore for the children or the parents.

Lastly, we have a very organized, set way we pick up toys. Everything has a specific place. When the kids and parents pick up the toys willy-nilly, it actually makes twice as much work for us because we have to go back and reorganize everything.

I have tried to gently tell the parents that picking up is not required. Some listen, but others are quite insistent on ignoring me and picking everything up incorrectly. What is the best way to go about getting them to leave the picking up for us to do after everyone leaves?

GENTLE READER: "Please let me, it is my pleasure. I'm sure that when you have the play group over, you will want to clean up too. I'm trying to teach Sebastian how to be a good host."

If you must, you may add "... and put everything in its proper place," but Miss Manners warns you that you will do better acting the gracious hostess and using the "teaching moment" card, than implying, "You're doing it all wrong!" Your guests will then also be more receptive to taking the hint to host a play date in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am developing a presentation on social media to inform students of proper content in regards to the work world and future employers.

Currently, the most widely used standard is, "If you wouldn't want your mom (grandmother, or other family member) to see it, don't post it." However, I do not think this is adequate. Most families have similar moral and ethical backgrounds, and thus may be more lenient with content than the hiring manager of an international company.

What would you tell students to use as their guide?

GENTLE READER: Is there something wrong with saying, "If you don't want a job interviewer or your boss to see it, don't post it"?

An impeccable alternative would be, "Would Miss Manners approve?" You will note that she has phrased it in the conditional so as not to encourage those who think it would be delightful to try to shock her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is a proper birthday toast for someone who is terminally ill?

GENTLE READER: If your concern is that it would be dishonest or disingenuous not to mention the illness, please stop. The purpose of the party, Miss Manners assures you, is to celebrate the birthday and express heartfelt appreciation for the celebrant, and that is what the toast should do.

But under the circumstances, perhaps levity should be avoided. Only on the stage is the toast from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Mikado" amusing: "As one month you have to live/As fellow-citizen/This toast with three times three we'll give:/Long life to you, long life to you, long life to you 'til then!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems that more and more TV commercials, TV shows and movies are showing actors talking with food in their mouths. I used to think that was strictly a no-no, but am wondering if that is now considered appropriate.

I sometimes argue with my son over this, but it is hard to persuade him it is not correct behavior when we see it all the time on TV and in the movies. Please tell me it is still considered rude!

GENTLE READER: Not only that, but Miss Manners considers it foolhardy to allow your son to think, much less argue, that television is the place to observe model behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to listen to someone? My usual practice is to maintain eye contact with the speaker and respond ("I see," "Mm-hmm," "Interesting"), but eye contact seems to make some people uncomfortable.

I have tried looking off to the side, examining my fingernails, contemplating my drink or staring intently at an inanimate object on the desk in front of me. However, I am concerned that these techniques could mistakenly convey that I am not listening, am bored or both.

GENTLE READER: Such actions will indeed be taken as an offensive lack of interest. Appearing to pay attention when someone is speaking is one of the cornerstones of real social interaction.

Miss Manners wonders if the discomfort you have encountered comes from those who have grown up interacting with their friends through a computer screen -- while simultaneously checking their email, browsing for discounts and playing solitaire. Eye contact need not be maintained continuously, and it can be softened by an accompanying smile or nod as appropriate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)