DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently discovered a beautiful farmstead not far from where we live that is used as a venue for weddings and similar events. We would love to host a party for friends there, but don't have a particular event we are celebrating.

I would enjoy the planning and bringing people together. But what do you call a party that is not a birthday, anniversary, shower, wedding, retirement, holiday or fundraiser?

I've never received an invitation to a gala just for fun, and I'm interested in your suggestions for what to call such an event and how to proceed with invitations. I have no expectations for our guests except that they RSVP and come with good intentions.

GENTLE READER: Just for fun? You mean that it will not be a party in your own honor, and that you are not even expecting, much less demanding, presents?

That you have never heard of such a thing makes Miss Manners weep. Has society so thoroughly embraced the selfie event, complete with gift registry, that true social life has disappeared?

If so, thank you for reinventing it. Your guests will be puzzled at first, but may discover how pleasant it is to attend an event where the focus is on their enjoying themselves, rather than celebrating their hosts.

In the dim past, when socializing was done just for fun, the name of the event was an indication of the degree of formality. "Gala" is a term associated with fundraisers, so Miss Manners suggests your simply calling it a party.

You will still be besieged by guests asking, "What should I bring?" and "Where are you registered?" by others who have never heard of selfless hospitality. Miss Manners hopes that you will take the opportunity to explain it to them. It would be a nice custom to revive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a member of a national organization that requires $90 annual dues to help with many very worthy projects. A few times a year I will be sent a "gift" from the current president and a letter asking for an extra donation toward her project of the year.

In the past, I always sent extra to help. This year we have experienced a lot of personal hardships, and my donation was smaller and slower being sent in.

I just received a letter informing me that I needed to pay for my "gift" as soon as possible. It is a cheaply made plastic tote bag. I think this is rude.

What should my response be? I would like to return it with a note.

GENTLE READER: By all means, do that. If you can explain to this organization that unethical business practices -- sending unsolicited merchandise and then demanding payment -- raise suspicions about the ethics of an organization, Miss Manners will consider that you have made a valuable contribution.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 19-year-old son just started dating a 22-year-old woman who lives with her parents. His first visit was over 24 hours. Now he has been gone over 12 hours.

I've tried to instill good manners into my son, but he ignores me and says her parents don't care. How do you instill better habits, and how long is OK to stay before you've outstayed your welcome?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners is sorry to have to tell you that apparently your son did not outstay his welcome, whatever form that welcome took.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I are having a disagreement over whether to make an exception regarding children attending a birthday party we are having at a winery.

We have sent invitations indicating "no children allowed," but a niece of his said that she and her husband would not be able to attend because they could not find a baby sitter.

The party is for my boyfriend, and he says he would like them to attend so he wants to tell them that it is fine to bring the kids. I have disagreed because it will open up a big can of worms -- her brother will then want to bring his kids, as well as other relatives wanting to bring theirs.

He says we will not "announce" that his niece is bringing hers, and if her brother asks to bring his children as well, he again will make an exception.

When I asked if my sister could bring her child, his reply was no, as my sister had already RSVP'd and had not asked to bring her daughter.

Please help. His niece's children are 3 and 6 years old. The others would be around the same age, if not younger.

GENTLE READER: If you think you have an etiquette problem now, consider what could happen if you let toddlers loose in a winery. Are you even certain that the venue will allow it? If not, there is your solution.

Regardless, Miss Manners agrees that it is indeed rude and unfair to show guests who did find baby sitters that your rule applied to them, but not to more favored guests.

Either do not allow children -- for their own safety -- or change the venue. Surely no one wants to experience the result of mixing angry friends with alcohol.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the funeral of a good friend last week, a baby at the back of the church fussed and fretted nearly the entire time. She didn't exactly howl, but she was very noisy.

It was difficult to appreciate the service and the memorials because I was so irritated. Even during a regular church service, this would have been distracting, but I feel that a funeral is no place for a baby.

Who, if anyone, should have suggested that the parent remove the child? I didn't feel it was my place.

GENTLE READER: A funeral is no place for crying? Perhaps the baby was expressing her grief. Would you have requested the same from a similarly distraught adult?

If you promise not to betray your irritation, Miss Manners will allow that you or a member of the congregation could have asked if the parent wouldn't mind stepping out to attend to the baby's needs in private. But if this was refused on the grounds that they were entitled to their sorrow, then you must accept it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a party where a retired physician started asking me questions about whether or not I had had various medical tests.

I know that the tests she asked about are recommended for women of my age, but I also believe that this is a conversation for me to have with my own physician. She might well be asking out of a genuine desire to share her medical wisdom, but I found it rude to be interrogated by a stranger in a social situation. How could I have handled this without being disrespectful?

GENTLE READER: Resist the temptation to ask if the state medical board knows she is still practicing medicine -- and at parties, where it is presumably impossible to protect a patient's legal right to privacy. Instead, Miss Manners suggests you thank her for her interest and explain that being a physician herself, she will understand that you discuss medical problems only with your own doctor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to text-message the words "I love you" to a woman when you are declaring it for the first time?

GENTLE READER: Are you concerned that her reaction will not be what you hope?

Otherwise, Miss Manners cannot understand why you would not wish to convey this information in person, knowing you might receive a response that is not limited to alphanumeric characters.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My new husband and I received, as a wedding gift from my new mother-in-law, a very fussy, floral printed duvet cover and sheet set that neither my husband nor myself would ever have picked out, as we both prefer neutral, subtle patterns, if any pattern at all.

My mother-in-law did not include a gift receipt, and I would like to know if it is terribly rude to ask her if we could exchange it for something more suited to our tastes. My husband thinks we should just keep it, never use it and never tell her about it. Any thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Chiefly how odd it is that you are willing to offend your new mother-in-law (not to mention cutting off any future generosity on her part) and to ignore your husband (whose advice is based on a better knowledge of his mother's feelings than you could have acquired) over a coverlet.

Miss Manners realizes that it is now common to think of the ancient ritual of exchanging presents as merely a way to acquire what one has already decided one wants. But you might not have thought of buying yourselves an extra coverlet for guests, camping or parking visiting babies, and now you have one. You need only thank her (without mentioning such uses) and stash it away until needed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which is more rude? To look at a text while engaged in an important conservation? Or to leave the text until the conversation is done?

GENTLE READER: The former. It is more difficult to convince people who are right in front of you that you don't see them than it is to have failed to see a text message the instant it was sent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)