The likelihood of emergencies seems to have increased alarmingly, judging from the number of people who cannot be temporarily parted from their cellphones, or who excuse themselves from commitments. Perhaps it is time to establish a definition.

The following occurrences are not, as a rule, emergencies:

-- You left your lunch in the refrigerator at home.

-- You forgot to record your favorite television show.

-- You cannot find your car keys.

Before you rush to inform Miss Manners that you are diabetic and celiac, so that lunch would have kept you out of the emergency room; that the television show is the only thing that gets you through a stressful week without a breakdown; or that without your car keys, your toddler will be stranded at his after-school program, allow her to explain.

If the dietary and child care problems apply literally to your situation, you have Miss Manners' sympathy and she will pause while you resolve the situation. She did say that such things are not "as a rule" emergencies. Watching television never is.

If, however, those explanations are not literally true -- if, rather, you will miss the show, are hungry, or feel bad at being late to meet a friend, please bear with her.

Note that she uses the word "literal" literally. Not liking the lunch options in the cafeteria is literally not the same as their sending you into shock.

As someone who is susceptible to the charm of a good story, Miss Manners understands the human tendency to exaggerate. But the escalation of inconveniences into emergencies has both devalued the term and led us into avoidable incivility.

Miss Manners has never maintained that the classic example of yelling "Fire!" in a theater is rude when a fire literally exists. She does, however, insist that it is rude to yell because the popcorn is not ready and the trailers are going on too long.

Exceptions to normal behavior are made for emergencies. They are not made for annoyances, inconveniences, or -- and this is the distinction most often forgotten -- for situations that, if left untended, might perhaps, in some distant future, become emergencies.

Making this distinction requires an exercise of judgment. If you see something falling out of a building in the general direction of a passer-by, etiquette does not require an emergency room admission before you can act. The person you pushed out of the way will not, she hopes, be cross with you if it turns out that the object went clear of the mark. Assuming, of course, you did not inadvertently push that person into harm's way.

But please, let us agree to stop pushing and yelling over the daily vicissitudes of life.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You're going to think I am kidding, but I would like some pointers on the appropriate greeting for a casual acquaintance who has been arrested for shoplifting.

"Hello, how are you?" seemed a little awkward in the circumstances. To ignore an acquaintance also seems rude. What is your recommendation?

GENTLE READER: The words are right; Miss Manners only needs to help you with the emphasis. The idea is to show some feeling for the person, without seeming to probe about the crime or endorse it. Thus, "Hello, how ARE you?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman who, as comedienne Margaret Cho once put it, ovulates sand. I am not an evil witch who eats children; I just do not possess the enthusiasm for children, and the stories that accompany them, that others do -- especially, to be honest, other women.

The issue is that my femininity seems to make other people assume that I am baby-crazy. With friends, even those with children, this is mostly not a problem -- I go to movies with the adults, but don't receive invitations to their kids' birthday parties, which is fine with me.

But with others, I often find myself with a smartphone suddenly shoved under my nose, a picture of an unknown newborn on it, while the holder of said phone stares expectantly at me, waiting for the appropriate cooing.

I am a horrible actress. I can't perform, least of all under that pressure, and unfortunately saying, "Oh, good for her!" in a pleasant tone doesn't seem to be good enough, judging by the silent wait that follows.

If I do manage to squeak out a "Cute!" it comes off as obviously forced. The air may look clear when the mother finally scuttles off, but the condemnation hangs heavily.

I have had a baby plopped into my lap at a gathering without even being aware that it was being passed around -- and again the hopeful stares came. I have been introduced to small, barely verbal children at parties, and then found myself purposefully left semi-alone with them to talk/entertain them while the parent or grandma watches me stumble through, awkwardly pretending to converse, her smile gradually morphing into a frown as I fail to deliver. I am trying to work on my ability to fake interest, but frankly it's not going well. My talent for insincerity has sadly never been great.

I personally find it rude to expect others to stock the pond when one is fishing for compliments. Am I rude or are they?

GENTLE READER: Neither. Unless, of course, one or both of your reactions creeps into the extreme (for example, shrieking in horror and dropping the baby in your case, or leaving it on your doorstep, never to return, on theirs).

Much as it pains you, you are doing the right thing. There are times, Miss Manners assures you, when the parents themselves are faking enthusiasm for their own children. It is a talent worth cultivating.

Muster what you can and allow for others' indulgence. There is no doubt that someday something -- if not a child, then a pet, a hobby, a car -- will consume your affection and be met with similarly tepid enthusiasm. Remember that while you are grimacing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate gift for second-year wives to give husbands? Just a card? Or should I get a special gift for him?

GENTLE READER: After two years of marriage, presumably preceded by courtship, you should have a better idea of what would please your husband than Miss Manners. If not, you should deal first with whatever is wrong with your marriage.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I realize we lead a technology-filled life, with cellphones, laptops and so forth. However, lately I have received text messages as invitations to baby showers and birthday parties.

I refuse to attend a party given by someone who does not even have the time to send out proper invitations. Am I being old-fashioned, or am I correct to assume there should be etiquette where proper invitations are concerned?

GENTLE READER: The choice you offer implies that the old-fashioned should necessarily give way, a premise with which Miss Manners does not concur. She agrees that to be taken seriously, an invitation should be issued in a dignified manner. And she also recognizes that there are those who will therefore judge her to be old-fashioned.

So how is it that you might also catch her texting? Or overlooking someone's failure to issue proper invitations? Put that down to two other old-fashioned values: appreciating others' convenience, and overlooking their lapses.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our mother passed away two years ago, and now our father has started to date. While I am happy he has a companion (he is 60), my brother and sister are not. They are mad at our dad and want nothing to do with her.

Our dad is very hurt by this, and it is causing some major rifts in the family. Dad recently asked my brother and sister to meet his new girlfriend, but they refused and were very rude about it.

I live 1,800 miles away from home, so I hear about what is going on only through phone conversations. It angers me that my brother and sister are treating Dad like he is doing something wrong.

Is this something only time can mend? Or is there something I can tell my brother and sister to stop their making this a big deal, and letting Dad find some happiness while he still can?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners agrees that your siblings' reactions are selfish, they are nevertheless visceral and unlikely merely to fade. You do have to talk to them, but she cautions against denying that it is a big deal.

To them, it dishonors their mother's memory, or at least indicates that she has been forgotten, which would be a big deal. But as she was also your mother, you may be in a position to persuade them that it does not mean any such thing.

The usual argument is that the deceased would have wanted the surviving spouse to be happy and to be taken care of. The first part is not always plausible in regard to finding happiness with someone else, but the second probably is.

You can make that vivid by saying that your father is growing older (everyone is, so this is true no matter what his age and health), and that you cannot expect them to be always around to check on him. And that while you worry about him, living 1,800 miles away you cannot do so. They may then see the advantage of delegating the daily monitoring to someone who, although by no means a replacement for your mother, is also emotionally attached to him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)