DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a friend's party, the disposable glasses he took out for us had our names written on them, though there were just 10 of us. Even if we had a soft drink, we were supposed to have water later on in the same glass. Is this the correct way, or am I just overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Was the party on a small raft at sea?

If not, Miss Manners is hard-pressed to understand the host's behavior. If your friend was concerned about waste, perhaps it would be a good idea to invest in glassware.

Your reaction is understandable, and she trusts that your behavior was not the cause of your being adrift in the life raft in the first place.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I attended the wedding of my friends a month ago, but left before the reception dinner because I found myself having a panic attack.

I suffer from an anxiety disorder and severe depression. While medication usually helps, sometimes I still have panic or depressive episodes that are beyond my control, and it can be very painful and embarrassing. I didn't feel that it was right for me to stay and potentially bring down the mood of a joyous occasion.

While the wedding was large enough that I feel our absence may have gone unnoticed, I still feel horrible for not being there for my friends. I didn't know anyone else there that I would have been comfortable sharing this private medical reason for our early departure, nor would I have wanted to bother the happy couple.

The couple has now returned from their honeymoon, and I don't know if (or how) I should mention my absence, or if I should offer to pay for the uneaten meals.

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not allow illness to excuse rudeness (people are forever arguing that it is fine to be nasty if one has a disability, or even a psychological grudge}, she does allow ill people to be excused from situations they cannot handle.

You were right to leave, and right not to announce it to your friends at such a large, busy event. If you were already seated, you need only have said to your tablemates, "Please excuse me; I don't feel well" and left quickly and quietly before they started asking what was the matter and whether they could help. They will probably assume stomach trouble that would have made you an undesirable dinner partner, anyway.

What you should do now is to write your friends a letter about how lovely the wedding was (the wedding is not the party, as many now seem to think, but the ceremony), only adding at the end that you had to slip out early because you felt ill, and deeply regretted not being able to see them off.

Offering to pay for your uneaten dinner would only suggest that you believe them to be crass enough to weigh that against your misfortune.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is a polite, respectful and kind-hearted child. As my mother before me, we only use the terms "Yes, ma'am" and "No, ma'am" to much older ladies and gentlemen. A simple "yes" or "no" spoken in kindness was always sufficient.

In my nephew's home (my son's cousins), the expectation is for their children to use the ma'am/sir terms for every person and for every possible scenario -- ad nauseum. They are charged a quarter every single time they do not.

I view the cousins as little robots who speak few words other than the constant "Yes, ma'am, no, sir," etc. What is your view on this?

I told my son to respect their home and try his best to please his aunt and uncle when he visits (When in Rome, do as the Romans do). I honestly believe that Southerners have really gone overboard on this.

GENTLE READER: Robotic? Do they say "sir" and "ma'am" to the cat and dog? Is that the way they address their playmates?

Miss Manners suspects that the cousins are being reared on pretty much the same system that you taught your son, with the difference, perhaps, that you do not require him to address grown-up relatives that way. And she hopes that you do not give him the job of distinguishing among older and younger grown-ups; everyone looks old to a child.

But please control your nausea. Certain polite forms are best mastered in the automatic way you call robotic. It is always a great moment for parents when, after years of "Say 'Thank you,' dear" and "Do you mean, can you PLEASE have that?" the right words come out of the child's mouth without his or her having to think about them.

And by the way, if there is any part of the country that suffers from an excess of etiquette, Miss Manners has not had the good fortune to encounter it. Fortunately, she does often encounter polite individuals everywhere, and she would not dream of trying to discourage them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had cosmetic surgery two weeks ago and have been out of social circulation since then. When questioned, my sister answered that I had "a surgical procedure" and that I was fine.

Last night, an acquaintance telephoned me to ask, "What kind of surgery did you have?" I was not prepared for such an intrusive question and gave more information than I intended. The acquaintance is not a discreet person, obviously. How could I have answered her without causing animosity or even more curiosity?

GENTLE READER: "It was very minor." (Miss Manners assures you that this is not a lie: The medical definition of major surgery is when a body cavity is opened.) "You're a dear to worry about me, but I'm fine. Now tell me how you are."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am horrified and disgusted that electronic invitations have changed the nature of offering hospitality. It is particularly distasteful to view a guest list and the responses from each, whether responding Yes, No or Maybe.

Since when is "maybe" a legitimate RSVP?

I, personally, refuse to respond through one of those buttons. Therefore, my response does not show on the website, causing my name to stand out as one who has not answered.

Silly and embarrassing, isn't it? Your thoughts, please, on this outrageous application as a tool for invitations.

GENTLE READER: Electronic invitations would be fine for very informal events, if only they did not encourage rudeness.

The ones you describe do. "Maybe" is not an acceptable answer. Nor should there be any way for the guests to scrutinize the guest list or the other responses.

So Miss Manners assures you that you need not be embarrassed by responding individually. However, if you would like to emphasize your point and make it easier for the host to tally numbers, you could reply "Yes" or "No" as appropriate, and write in the comments, "Please find a written response in the mail."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why are brides so full of themselves these days?

Perhaps because this particular bride, whom I met only once when she was a child, was named after a jewelry store and believes she is the Hope diamond?

In any event, I received an eight-page "Save the Date" booklet from the soon-to-be bride and groom, bragging about their international travels, fine dining, careers and overall passionate love for each other. The couple will be married in a private ceremony at an exotic locale, with receptions for the adoring masses to follow five months later.

This announcement was preceded, earlier this month, by a shower invitation requesting gift cards. How do you suggest I respond to this correspondence? I do not plan to attend either event, as I live out of state.

GENTLE READER: How one responds to beggars generally depends on whether they seem truly in need, and whether they impress you as people who would benefit from your help.

Neither seems to be the case here. Never having heard of a destitute case that involves enjoying fine dining, Miss Manners understands why this fund-raising campaign does not touch your heart.

You need only respond to the shower invitation with a note offering your regret at not being able to attend and your best wishes.

If you receive a formal invitation to a reception, you respond in its style (rather than that of the pitch):

"Ms. Natasha Twimbly

"regrets that she is unable to accept

"the very kind invitation of ( )"

It is not necessary for you to point out to Miss Manners that you actually feel no regret. In fact, you do, but it is regret that people who are not destitute no longer feel ashamed of begging.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse says a gift card is impersonal. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Well, its only attempt at being personal is to indicate, "I know where you shop, but otherwise I haven't the least idea of what you are like or what might please you."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)