DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think of a daughter who sends her mother the following requirement (among others) for a "cordial" relationship with her?

"Accept that husband is going to call you by your first name. We need you never again to register a verbal or nonverbal complaint about this."

This couple both hold Ph.D.s and appear to believe they are above all rules. The mother has no objection to being called "Mrs. Smith," or has even suggested MIL or Milly (for mother-in-law) but the couple insists it's their way or the highway.

They have also pushed off their family tree an aunt who verbalized that she and her husband did not appreciate being referred to by their first names by the nephew-in-law. This couple had invited themselves to visit the now-outcast aunt. After the visit (when the aunt and uncle bent over backward to not bring up any subjects that could cause dissension), the aunt wrote that future visits would not be in the cards until nephew-in-law referred to them with their familial status.

When has it become standard practice that the younger generation calls the shots on what to call family members? Is it that courteousness has given way to higher education?

GENTLE READER: You will forgive Miss Manners for leaping to the defense -- not of these rude doctors of philosophy, but of higher education. Lower education, too, for that matter.

It has long puzzled her that reports of rudeness are often accompanied by the surprised reaction of the complainers because the offenders were supposed to have been "educated," either at college or when earning graduate degrees.

There is education and education. Miss Manners does not expect universities to teach etiquette, other than insisting that students meet their particular behavior requirements, which are usually rather broad. Nor should etiquette training be expected in lower schools, where --just to have a workable classroom -- teachers have the burden of doing the parents' job in addition to their own.

Home education should include not only the etiquette rules necessary to navigate life, but the underlying principles of manners. These include respect (such as addressing people as they wish to be addressed), fairness (granting others the privileges one claims for oneself) and congeniality (not using threats as an argument).

Apparently this couple failed home education. If you attempt to do remedial work, Miss Manners suggests lecturing first on the principles before taking up the example of name choice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teenage boy who apparently has impregnated a teenage girl. She says she's in love with me still, but also she will not get an abortion and insists that I pay support. I think this is all mood swings. How do I support her morally but not monetarily?

GENTLE READER: That is neither a moral nor a legal position. Miss Manners trusts that the young lady's lawyer will explain that to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are the proud parents of two adult children, a gay 32-year-old son and a straight 27-year-old daughter.

My husband's oldest brother and his wife (who are our son's godparents) are politically and religiously conservative. The sister-in-law posts many opinions on Facebook about how same-sex marriage is ruining America, causing Christians to be persecuted, etc., although she is always friendly to our son in person.

If our son were getting married, we would invite them to the wedding, and if they refused to come, we would not later invite them to our daughter's wedding.

However, our daughter is engaged first. If we invite them to her wedding, I'm sure they will come. Is there any way to politely say, "We hope you will join us, but we respectfully ask you not to come if you would not attend X's possible future wedding, as we love our children equally"?

GENTLE READER: Despite their stance, your brother-in-law and his wife are not violating any etiquette rules. If they are being polite to your son, then you cannot be rude in return (although Miss Manners recommends that your family stay off their Facebook page).

A current invitation's validity cannot be dependent on the possible outcome of an imaginary future one. And no one is measuring how much you love your children. Invite your in-laws to your daughter's wedding and turn a blind eye if they decline a future invitation to your son's. But given your relatives' proclivity for spreading their opinions behind your family's back, wouldn't it really be better for everyone if they did?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 9-year-old granddaughter has been invited to two birthday parties recently. Both of them have been at event centers, and the parents have requested that the invitee bring admission money.

Is this a new trend now? Neither of these families is poverty-stricken.

My son has just about decided that his daughter will be declining any future invitations requiring him to send admission money. He always sends a nice gift. The gift plus admission money is getting a little expensive.

GENTLE READER: Your son is not only correct, but also more generous than Miss Manners would have been by sending a gift for an event that his daughter is not attending. Yes, charging admission for a party is rude. The fact that people follow this trend without considering their guests makes it even more so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a friend's party, the disposable glasses he took out for us had our names written on them, though there were just 10 of us. Even if we had a soft drink, we were supposed to have water later on in the same glass. Is this the correct way, or am I just overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Was the party on a small raft at sea?

If not, Miss Manners is hard-pressed to understand the host's behavior. If your friend was concerned about waste, perhaps it would be a good idea to invest in glassware.

Your reaction is understandable, and she trusts that your behavior was not the cause of your being adrift in the life raft in the first place.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I attended the wedding of my friends a month ago, but left before the reception dinner because I found myself having a panic attack.

I suffer from an anxiety disorder and severe depression. While medication usually helps, sometimes I still have panic or depressive episodes that are beyond my control, and it can be very painful and embarrassing. I didn't feel that it was right for me to stay and potentially bring down the mood of a joyous occasion.

While the wedding was large enough that I feel our absence may have gone unnoticed, I still feel horrible for not being there for my friends. I didn't know anyone else there that I would have been comfortable sharing this private medical reason for our early departure, nor would I have wanted to bother the happy couple.

The couple has now returned from their honeymoon, and I don't know if (or how) I should mention my absence, or if I should offer to pay for the uneaten meals.

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not allow illness to excuse rudeness (people are forever arguing that it is fine to be nasty if one has a disability, or even a psychological grudge}, she does allow ill people to be excused from situations they cannot handle.

You were right to leave, and right not to announce it to your friends at such a large, busy event. If you were already seated, you need only have said to your tablemates, "Please excuse me; I don't feel well" and left quickly and quietly before they started asking what was the matter and whether they could help. They will probably assume stomach trouble that would have made you an undesirable dinner partner, anyway.

What you should do now is to write your friends a letter about how lovely the wedding was (the wedding is not the party, as many now seem to think, but the ceremony), only adding at the end that you had to slip out early because you felt ill, and deeply regretted not being able to see them off.

Offering to pay for your uneaten dinner would only suggest that you believe them to be crass enough to weigh that against your misfortune.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)