DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker frequently brings sweet treats into the office to share with everyone. This seems like a generous thing to do.

But she then spends the rest of the day telling everyone who partakes how she has been "good" by not eating the treat herself.

This tends to make those of us partaking in the treat feel guilty, which may or may not be her intention. As a side note, she is quite thin, while most of us could lose a few pounds.

Is there an appropriate rejoinder to her statements about being "good" without being rude, or am I just being overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: As you are comparing your weight to that of this co-worker, Miss Manners fears that this, rather than generosity, might indeed have been the intention. And it worked.

If you feel that a rejoinder is necessary in addition to your thanks, you might say, "Well, you should feel good about making others feel happy."

The reply is unlikely to be, "No, I feel good because I don't give in to temptation the way I made you do, and that's why I'm thinner than you, nyah, nyah."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whether dining out with friends and their families, or joining in a congregational dinner where you might be dining with folks you are just meeting, many parents allow their children to be on their hand-held devices during the entire dinner, while my grade-school son tries to make conversation with the kids -- to his credit, but mostly to no avail.

Granted, some of these are teenagers. Is there anything polite you think that we can say when this happens again to change the dynamic in the moment? Maybe there is a polite request to make in advance. What about asking if we can hold off on the electronic devices until after dessert?

GENTLE READER: You did such a good job of teaching your own child to make conversation instead of bitcoin deals that it is a shame that you cannot politely issue instructions to other people's children.

It is also a shame that he gets stuck with mannerless teenagers (whom Miss Manners refuses to grant an age-based -- or any other -- excuse). You might try asking the hosts loudly where they want the young people to park their devices.

If this fails to encourage other parents to direct their children to do as your son will do, you should draw him into the adult conversation. (This is presuming that there is electronic-less adult conversation, and that these dinner parties are not like study halls.)

That will serve him well in future situations -- such as college interviews. And if it annoys the other parents to listen to his opinions or have him listen to theirs, then perhaps they will think more about instructing their own children on how to behave in company.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We found out my sister is pregnant (yay!), but inside the family, she had always said she would plan for a child a few more years down the road.

Upon hearing the news (after celebrations, of course), and between just the two of us, as we were on the phone, I asked if they were trying when they conceived.

My mother says it is a social gaffe to ask anyone, family or not, about their family planning and should not be done under any circumstances.

My side is that it would be irresponsible to not ask that question, as it pertains directly to her and her husband's mental and emotional state in the coming months.

This is not to say you should bandy about the information, merely that knowing it as a personal matter is important, as if the baby were not planned, saying the wrong thing could cause more harm.

So, does social etiquette absolve you of responsibility if you do misspeak, or is it a familial responsibility to understand the states of relatives' well-being? If so, is it more important than the social blunder?

GENTLE READER: Let us assume that your sister did not plan the pregnancy. If she is nevertheless thrilled with her news, what difference could knowing the circumstances make to anything you may say?

And if she is not thrilled, what would you then refrain from saying? "That's wonderful news -- we're so happy for you"? And what would you say instead? "Oh, tough luck"?

Your defense of your curiosity -- that not knowing would prevent you from forming a clear picture of her mental health -- sounds to Miss Manners like an attempt to use the cry of medical necessity to defend rudeness. You are not your sister's doctor. You also seem unaware that pregnancy -- whether planned or not -- can bring on all sorts of shifting emotions that no outsiders, however good their intentions, may be able to anticipate.

Familial responsibility in this circumstance aligns with good manners, which prohibits the all-too-vivid vulgarity of asking couples whether they were "trying."

You should have allowed your sister to decide whether she wished to volunteer such information. Miss Manners can only hope that the expectant mother refused to be dragged down to a statement that was only theoretical when uttered, and instead replied, "We're thrilled."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I bought a wedding gift, traveled out of town and spent the night at a motel to be at the entire celebration for the newlyweds. I was appalled to find out that in lieu of sending thank-yous to their guests for the presents, the couple would donate the equivalent cost of materials and postage to cancer research instead. Is this a new trend?

GENTLE READER: The idea that snubbing people one actually knows -- who, in this case, have been generous -- is whitewashed by charity to people one doesn't know has been with us for a while, Miss Manners is sorry to report.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have recently lost my only child. I do not like it when people wish me a happy Father's Day. I have mentioned this to my immediate family, and they think it's weird but are stopping.

Am I out of line? I feel as though they are a bit thoughtless in wishing me a happy Father's Day, because it could never be a happy day for me.

I would never wish this to someone who has lost a child, especially an only child. It just seems tasteless and almost feels like it's rubbing it in my face, although I know they are not. I now just avoid everyone, but I still get text messages from well-meaning friends and family. I don't feel comfortable responding to them about how this bothers me.

GENTLE READER: What is wrong with these people?

These are not even mindless strangers who toss holiday greetings around promiscuously, but your own relatives and friends who know of your loss. And they are telling you to be happy about it.

Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to remind them. A quiet "I suppose you have forgotten what happened to my child" should do it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am confounded on how to reply to the numerous requests/demands from family and friends to buy whatever merchandise they are selling -- such a variety of jewelry, miracle skin treatments, cleaning products, etc. This doesn't even begin to cover all the times they sell things for their children.

It seems the only time they want to talk to me is when they want me to buy something or host an event at my home. I would never dream of inviting people into my home to sell them something.

Be assured that all these people are financially comfortable, and mainly do this as a way to make money while they stay at home and raise their children -- a decision I fully support, if that is what they want to do.

However, I have bought all these people shower gifts, wedding gifts and baby gifts. I was happy to celebrate the happy occasions in their life. I married early and have no children, so it is not as if my contributing would be "payback" for gifts given to me.

I would like to know the best way to respond to these incessant requests. Ignoring them seems rude, but I don't see any other way of dealing with it.

GENTLE READER: How do you normally respond to the sales pitches with which we are all constantly bombarded?

By ignoring those that do not interest you, and responding to those that are made face-to-face with, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."

This is not rude: It saves both your time and theirs, and your money. So do that when your friends and relatives turn commercial.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you please advise if there are any correct uses for a round-bowled cream soup spoon other than for cream soups?

GENTLE READER: Breakfast cereal. You can get away with a lot at breakfast.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)