DEAR MISS MANNERS: I inherited a beautiful set of sterling flatware, made in 1908, that had belonged to my grandparents. There are 12 spoons of which I can't figure out the use: They are the size of what we would today use as serving spoons -- but 12 of them!

They can't be soup spoons because I also inherited another silver set from 1917 -- a different pattern -- and those have the traditional round spoons. Can you help me figure out what was the purpose of these spoons?

GENTLE READER: Certainly. You only have to realize that your ancestors were more precise about their silverware than people are apt to be today.

Your grandparents were indeed eating soup with those large oval spoons -- just not creamed soup, which requires the round spoons that your other relatives thoughtfully provided. Should you someday inherit small round-bowled spoons, Miss Manners will consider your life complete, as you will then also be able to eat bouillon properly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I own a small business together. For a bit, our oldest son worked with us. He no longer does, and due to drug and mental health issues, we had to file a restraining order against him.

Since he worked there, occasionally we have to field questions on how he is doing. I have been pretty good with a vague, "Like many young adults, he is out there trying to find his way."

My husband hasn't handled this well at all and tends to overshare, explaining exactly what happened and how he feels about it. While I appreciate how much our son's actions have hurt him, I don't feel this is appropriate -- we're there to listen to our customers' life stories, not the other way around.

I have tried diverting the conversation by being lighthearted about it; I have asked him in private to please stop oversharing our personal life with our customers; and I have tried abruptly saying, "Enough about our son. How have YOU been?" hoping he'll take the hint.

All to little effect. Is there a polite way that I can shut down a line of conversation before he gets going?

GENTLE READER: You might point out to your husband that if your son is able to overcome his problems, he will have the additional burden of dealing with his father's public condemnation. While Miss Manners also recognizes that your husband needs an outlet for his anguish, you might steer him to intimates who, like yourself, can sympathize without going public.

If neither of these works, you could break in by saying soothingly, "Forgive us; we are understandably distraught" before proceeding immediately and firmly to business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you fend off rude questions from co-workers, such as, "That's a nice sweater. Is it NEW?"

I find they often like to look me up and down, scrutinizing every thread and every sleeve on my apparel, as they ask this question. While I don't mind compliments about my clothes, I do mind the judgment that follows these supposedly thoughtful remarks.

GENTLE READER: "I'm glad you like it." Miss Manners assures you that there is less thought and judgment going into those remarks than you think. That admirers deeply care about the provenance of your sweater strikes her as unlikely.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find it extremely rude for people to text before 9 a.m. and after 9 p.m. unless it is an emergency.

Most people leave their phones on in case of emergencies. When a text is received, the alert tone will go off and keep going off until answered. This usually wakes me up when I should be sleeping. I've gotten texts at all hours of the night and very early morning. These are messages that could have waited until a more appropriate time.

How do I tell people, without seeming mean, that I find it to be inconsiderate and inappropriate to text at these hours? I had a friend state that they are up and at work at 6 a.m., so they start texting then. Again, that's inconsiderate. What's your opinion?

GENTLE READER: That email is a lot quieter, and text-alert settings are easily changed. Miss Manners sees nothing mean about politely asking your friends to text you during (your) daytime hours unless there is an emergency. Of course, you have only yourself to blame for the quality of your friends if they consider "I'm bored! Making waffles" an emergency.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a 6-year-old son and my husband's brother has a 1-year-old boy. We live in two different countries. Still, we meet every year when we visit my mother-in-law, as they live with her.

My problem is that they named their son my boy's name. I was so devastated to hear this, and I gently told his wife how I feel. She was OK and told me that she will pick a different name. But her husband and elder daughter and even my mother-in-law won't change.

Both kids always get confused to hear the name, and I feel so sad every time I have to tell my son, "It's not you." But it seems that they are least bothered. My mother-in-law always is on their side and doesn't care about my son at all.

Last vacation I didn't stay there for long, as I cannot stand the ego of these people. Am I overreacting? I am learning to ignore and live with it. Still, please let me know how would you handle a situation like this.

GENTLE READER: As the cousin is already a year old, it's unlikely that his family will change what they call him to appease relatives they see only once a year.

However, Miss Manners has heard that children often acquire nicknames. Perhaps you can invent one for your nephew -- a kind one that will not reflect your low opinion of your in-laws, but one that will catch on? Or perhaps you can persuade your son that it would be fun to use a foreign version of his name when he travels.

In addition, if you could somehow convince your son (and yourself) that the name overlap is an homage -- and not the insult and inconvenience you see it to be -- it would be a valuable lesson in diplomacy. And also do much to avoid a lifelong hostility with a cousin he rarely sees.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is in kindergarten and was invited to a "friendship party" hosted by a classmate at a martial arts school. Should she bring a gift?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Friendship.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would consider myself to be a good-humored, cheerful sort of person and enjoy smiling when I have cause to smile.

However, when I am intensely focused on accomplishing something difficult (either mentally or physically), I apparently fail to smile, which seems to be a sin in our society. This causes my fellow citizens (no doubt civic-minded) to admonish me to smile, accompanied by a perky smile of their own, which I admit to finding irksome in the extreme.

Could you offer advice on how to respond appropriately, particularly when said admonishment is issued in front of a group? I find if I ignore it, the admonishment continues, but fear a direct rejection of the order might "create a scene" (of which I have a near British-level aversion). And thus I typically comply with a weak smile, which ends the situation but invariably leaves me in a foul mood and, I fear, bit by bit, slowly destroys my soul.

GENTLE READER: You had Miss Manners' sympathy that such admonitions are rude, and diminish rather than increase the level of civic concord. And you had her agreement on the weak smile as the correct response -- up to the point where you suggested that a courteous reply would have unfortunate, and possibly eternal, consequences.

The hope in giving a weak smile (moving the mouth only slightly while the eyes simply stare) is that it will, over time, discourage your fellow citizens from repeating their behavior when they see it is unwelcome. It will not put a sudden and dramatic stop to that behavior. But responses that would create significantly more civic discord, if they do not carry jail time, should be avoided.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A relative let me know that she had purchased a present for me and asked when I would be able to pick it up.

My schedule has not yet allowed me to go to her town at a time when she is at home, and it is now well past the gift-giving occasion.

Is it up to the gift receiver to come and collect, or for the giver to send/deliver it? I feel she is getting irritated at my seeming lack of enthusiasm by not making time in my schedule to come to her.

GENTLE READER: Although she does not know your relative, Miss Manners has no trouble believing that your unwillingness is taken as a sign of lack of interest. Nor does it surprise her that the would-be gift-giver has failed to notice her own lack of interest, as demonstrated by ordering something online (a guess) and then demanding the recipient travel to another town to take ownership.

Miss Manners has found that encouraging people to throw parties for themselves is both dangerous and unnecessary, and does not do so in this case. But you should propose some event, perhaps a dinner at your home, where the present can be received. If it is for an event in your own life, a birthday, for example, perhaps there is a birthday in the relative's part of the family that can be recognized at the same time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)