DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am at a loss to come up with a polite reply to a rather common observation. Friends and acquaintances who have not seen me in a while seem to feel compelled to tell me that "Your hair is long."

As I have, indeed, been growing my hair out for a few years now, I am quite aware that it is longer than it used to be.

Their failure to add even a modest compliment to this rather pointed observation leads me to suspect that they do not like my new hairstyle. I am loath to say something to the effect of, "Yes, do you like it?" because, frankly, I do not want their opinion (it is hard enough for me to decide on personal grooming matters; I do not need input from everyone I know), and in any case they seem to have already made their true opinion known by their rather loud silence.

Reminding them of their mothers' admonition ("If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all ...") seems a bit much. I notice that gentlemen who shave, or add, facial hair are often subjected to the same insensitive observations. Any thoughts on how best to respond?

GENTLE READER: In assuming that such comments indicate disapproval, you fail to allow for the propensity people have for stating the obvious. It is common, as well as idiotic, for people to be constantly informing others that they are tall or short or red-headed.

Miss Manners would allow you to reply in the same spirit by validating their observations. The response to "Your hair is long" should be, "Yes, it is." If you want to be chummy, you could add, "I grew it."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to drink out of your cereal bowl?

GENTLE READER: Not Miss Manners' bowl, she trusts. It would certainly upset her breakfast.

But are there others it might upset? Anybody else at the breakfast table? That person hiding behind a newspaper or tablet counts, as there could still be a peek. You would be safer drinking that last bit when you take the bowl into the kitchen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As I'm sure you know, traditionally the bride's family comes up with the cost of the wedding. But now that marriage has become so diversified, who holds that responsibility? Grooms to grooms, brides to brides -- and has this changed the tradition as far as straight marriage goes?

GENTLE READER: That custom was causing trouble long before gay weddings became legal. It referred to a time when brides were married from under their parents' guardianship, and the wedding expense was offset by the expectation that all subsequent living expenses would be paid by the bridegrooms.

Miss Manners need hardly point out how silly it is to apply this automatically to brides who are out on their own and self-sufficient. Weddings are family occasions, and families should talk them over and decide, without pressuring one another, what each element feels it can comfortably contribute. Only then should the plans be made so that they are affordable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for one of my friends to text my fiance exclusively with casual conversation? They were not friends prior to our relationship. I'm not asking if it's wrong, considering that I do not know the situation, but rather I'd like to know if there are any guidelines that deem it appropriate.

GENTLE READER: Are you asking if it is appropriate for your friend to be friends with your fiance? Or are you asking Miss Manners to tell them to stop?

If your fiance is texting your friend while you are trying to hold a conversation with him, then guidelines would deem this to be rude. Otherwise, you would do well to be happy that everyone is getting along.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I refrain from asking my sisters-in-law, none of whom I'm really close to, to not come to the hospital waiting room to wait with me while my husband, their brother, has a relatively routine surgery?

One of them is just nosy. I'm sure they love their brother, but we never associate with them, and I just don't want the stress of having to make small talk with them. It's awkward, and I don't want to be hurtful, I just want to be alone to wait.

GENTLE READER: Yes, you should refrain. As inconvenienced as you might feel, this is their brother, and nosy or not, they have as much right as you to wait for him at the hospital. What is more, they have known him longer.

The stress of making small talk with in-laws is called being part of a family. Miss Manners is afraid that you must share the vigil with them. But she will allow you this: If the sisters ask if there's anything they can do for you, you may send them out for coffee -- but only if you do so graciously.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am giving a birthday party for my 3-year-old granddaughter who lives out of state. I'm expecting 50 guests.

I just found out that my daughter and granddaughter unexpectedly cannot travel at this time. I have all of the food prepared, games, loot bags, snow cone and cotton candy machines rented, etc.

Do I cancel the party, or continue the party and mail the gifts to my granddaughter?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to keeping them for yourself?

Miss Manners sympathizes. As your toddler granddaughter has made so many out-of-town friends, you don't want to disappoint them.

Certainly, it is odd to have a birthday party without the guest of honor. Odder still, to try to pretend that loot bags and cotton candy were meant for your adult friends at another event.

Perhaps you can send an email and explain the situation, inviting your guests to attend anyway, but toning down the birthday aspect of it to just a fun multi-generational party. Your guests might bring presents anyway, but if they don't, you have less time to spend at the post office.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend adheres strictly to your rule that both corn-on-the-cob and asparagus may be eaten with the fingers. Unfortunately, the consumption of asparagus by this individual resembles nothing so much as a log being fed into a sawmill, and corn-on-the-cob an old-fashioned speed typist (with a manual typewriter) coming at full speed to the end of the row and zinging back to its opposite end.

How am I to reconcile these good manners with these unattractive sights presented at my dinner table?

GENTLE READER: By serving something less challenging.

In saying this, Miss Manners recognizes that the possibilities for annoying others at the table are limitless. And she realizes that by suggesting a change in the menu, she may be accused of reducing your freedom. Consider it an aesthetic choice, like those of celebrity chefs who insist on locally sourced foods.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past two years, I have received invitations to several baby showers. In most cases I knew the expectant mother.

For two others, however, I had no idea who the young lady was. The name was unfamiliar, as was the name of the hostess. No information was given that would help me determine the identity of the soon-to-be parents.

(I feel it necessary to mention that both my husband and I come from very large families. We have three dozen nieces and nephews, and even more cousins.)

In one case, a relative called a few days before the RSVP date and asked if I was going. When I said I wasn't sure who the young lady was, she told me it was the girlfriend of one of my nephews. I had never met her, nor had I been told he was dating anyone.

For the second one, I was baffled. Finally, I called to RSVP and expressed my regrets. The day after the shower, I saw pictures on social media. The young lady is the girlfriend of a cousin's son.

I discussed this with several friends who have faced similar difficulties. Is there a polite way to ask, "Who is this person and why am I invited?"

GENTLE READER: The problem is easier if the guest of honor's last name has been omitted, as it often now is. You may then call the host and profess confusion about the identity of the mother-to-be: "I'm so sorry, it's just that I know several Persephones, and I didn't know which one you were friends with."

The same technique can be used even if the mother-to-be's full name was supplied -- providing you are willing to look ditzy: "Silly me. How could I have missed that? There she is right on the invitation."

Miss Manners observes that the new mothers in question themselves sound a bit ditzy, not only for having friends who send incomprehensible invitations, but also for neglecting to join formally the families they are about to grace with descendants, if only because wedding invitations do list who goes with whom.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)