DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many grocery stores, and even restaurants, now seem to require their staff to chitchat with customers. While I appreciate this over what used to be the norm (texting while waiting on me, talking to co-workers), it's gone too far in the opposite direction.

I am now regularly asked, "What are your plans for today (or this weekend)?" or "What did you do this weekend?"

How can I respond in a polite way? These questions are intrusive. Honestly, I don't want/need more chitchat other than "How are you?" and I don't feel like sharing my plans with strangers.

GENTLE READER: Nor need you. These are not courtroom interrogations where you are required to answer fully and truthfully. Or even relevantly.

Miss Manners' response to those rote questions would be, "Fine, thank you, except that I ran out of food, which is why I'm here."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to the WORST SHOWER ever.

My friends and I were NOT greeted at the door by anyone. Fifteen seconds after a young woman saw me struggling at the door with packages, with NO smile she said, "I'll take those."

The three of us walk into the kitchen. No one welcomes us; they just look at us. We get plates for food. The cheese cubes were, at most, 1/2-by-1/2-inch big. There was a vegetable tray -- yea! :) -- but the vegetable dip had ZERO flavor.

They offered huge bagels (is there SOMETHING we could put on them?!). There were small cupcakes with stale, thick icing. Drinks: lemonade or water in bottles. I looked around, and oops ... THAT WAS IT on the food and drinks.

Anyway, we're through eating, and NO ONE came to take our plates ... so I get up to take them. I'm walking around the kitchen with our plates, looking for the trash. FINALLY one of the women points and says, "The trash is over there." SIGH.:(

The shower starts. No one introduces anyone. The presents get opened. It's time to leave. NONE of the hostesses ever talk to my friends or to me. There were only 15 people attending. The one person who DID act wonderful is our friend, who is the mother-in-law of the mother-to-be.

Question: What SHOULD hostesses do at the shower?? I have been to AWESOME showers where young women hostesses were SO nice, hospitable, helpful; the food and punch were GREAT! This aforementioned shower was horrible.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Miss Manners is happy to hear that your friends are not like that. As you seem to have survived, Miss Manners is focusing her worry on the innocent baby who will be exposed to people who have so little consideration for the feelings and comfort of others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone invites you to their private club, who should pay the bill?

GENTLE READER: Anyone who invites you anywhere should pay. That's what it means to invite someone, as opposed to agreeing to meet or go out together.

But Miss Manners notes that this is especially true at a private club, which is considered equivalent to the member's home (and where there should be a policy allowing only members to pay).

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have lived in the same small town for over a decade. My daughter is active in sports, church and family activities. A rather awkward but sweet girl, the same age as my daughter, moved into our neighborhood, and in the summer, the girls would occasionally play together.

During the school year, my daughter has a booked social calendar. She had a party, and this new neighbor did not make the list. She is now texting my daughter asking her why she wasn't invited. I've told my daughter that is a text she should not respond to, but I wondered if you had better advice?

GENTLE READER: You say "did not make the list" as if it were a college acceptance letter over which neither of you had control.

If, as her parent, you were unable to convince your daughter that it would have been kind to include this girl -- particularly since she is a neighbor and therefore likely to notice -- perhaps you could encourage her at least to be gracious about the girl's quite understandable hurt feelings now.

While Miss Manners concedes that it was not proper for the girl to demand an answer as to why she was overlooked, ignoring her entirely seems unnecessarily cruel. Your daughter could simply say (or text back, if absolutely necessary), "I am so sorry, but these were old friends who wanted to catch up, and I didn't think you would find the party interesting. Perhaps we can plan to get together at another date." And then in the name of, if nothing else, neighborly relations, encourage her to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother is throwing us a baby shower on her birthday. How should I acknowledge this? Or do I?

GENTLE READER: By saying "Happy birthday."

Miss Manners hopes and trusts that your mother picked this date out of a desire to do something enjoyable on it -- and not for any other (passive-aggressive) motives. If that is the case (and really, even if it is not), give a toast to thank your hostess -- and add that it is also her birthday. That way, your guests can give their well wishes, but will not have to feel bad for not bringing another present.

Miss Manners' own gift to both you and your mother is not to point out that relatives should not actually be throwing showers as -- much like giving your own birthday party -- it looks like fishing for presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who will hand a gift back to me immediately after unwrapping it if she does not like it/has no use for it. She has implied I should get her something more to her liking/useful. She has done this to others. Am I wrong to be offended? I have tried to be considerate in selecting a gift, but obviously I am missing the mark. What's the proper response?

GENTLE READER: To stop giving her presents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I invited longtime neighbors to an informal dinner party, called for 6:30 p.m. The evening progressed nicely until after 10 p.m., when my wife was washing dishes in the kitchen and the guests were all seated in the dining room.

Finally at 11 p.m., well after the table had been cleared, one of the guests decided to excuse himself for the evening, and the balance of the group decided to call it a night. Is there any protocol that you would suggest for politely ending such a gathering at a time convenient for the hosts?

GENTLE READER: Guests who do not take the hostess's washing the dishes as a blatant indication that she has had enough of their company are as unsubtle as she.

Moving guests away from the table after dinner -- for coffee in the living room -- should plant the idea that the evening is approaching its end by giving them a passing view of the exit. If not, it is an enjoyable progression in its own right.

It is also a good idea to ensure that one of the guests is a close friend who can be relied upon to stand up, stretch, and say what a lovely time it was, but it's late and time to go. Too many people are (unnecessarily) embarrassed to leave first. In extremis, Miss Manners has known hosts to plead an outside commitment -- accompanied by profuse apologies -- although this may require some creativity at 11 o'clock at night.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My significant other, "Sean," has a sister, "Jessica." Several years ago, she married a man with two grown daughters, who have become part of Sean's extended family.

One of the daughters, "Olivia," recently had a baby, to the delight of the entire family on both sides. Sean and I sent a gift for the baby shortly after she was born. Two months later, we received the following text message from Jessica: "Hi! So Olivia wanted me to let you know that she isn't going to get her thank-you cards out but loves your gift."

I am at a loss as to how to respond to that. I'm extremely disappointed that the gift acknowledgment and/or thank-you did not come directly from the gift recipient, or in this case, the baby's parents. I assume that Jessica considers this second-hand acknowledgment appropriate, as does Olivia. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Jessica may or may not agree with Olivia's behavior, although Miss Manners acknowledges that the casual nature of her acknowledgment hints that she does.

But it is equally possible that she has thanked you not because her stepdaughter asked her to, but because she is distraught that the stepdaughter did not do so herself. Olivia, not Jessica, is the guilty party, a fact that is easy to convey when you respond: "Thanks for letting me know. I was going to check that it was delivered because I was worried that I hadn't heard anything from Olivia."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)