DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing in defense of e-cards for the Christmas holiday. People say they are impersonal, but I disagree. I write everyone’s name on their email, and I write a short message to everyone.

While I will never complain about what form of communication my friends choose to use, I find most holiday cards have nothing written on them, let alone a personal greeting, and most have printed labels, so the writer has hardly even given the recipient a thought.

I enjoy writing an email to accompany my e-card, and thinking of that person and my memories of them. Because e-cards are less expensive, and there is no postage, I am able to keep my list as large as I want it, without having to cut anyone when finances are tight. My greeting can be printed if the recipient wishes, or just read, enjoyed and deleted, which is perfect, too.

GENTLE READER: You are in for a disappointment if you expect Miss Manners to argue that the form is more important than the content in regard to something as informal as Christmas greetings.

The paper Christmas card can be charming, but not if it lacks the point, which is to show people whom you rarely see that you still think of them. Cards that contain only a signature or, Miss Manners will argue, a family photograph, without reference to the recipient, are not charming. And there are those who persist in addressing them to people they barely remember.

So your method of writing something personal is fine -- provided your e-cards are not the animated sort that take up time and space on the computer, annoying grouches like Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have guests coming for the Christmas holidays: two adults and one child. We have a guest room, which they have used before, but this time my husband thinks we should give up the master bedroom for them, since the child is a little older. Both rooms have their own bathrooms and plenty of closet space. The only difference is that one has a queen-sized bed and the other a king.

GENTLE READER: Don’t you want to invest in a futon for the guest room?

Miss Manners only asks because while it might be difficult to cram two adults and a large child into either the smaller or the larger bed, it might also be difficult for you and your husband not to grow resentful when you are kept out of your room.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a widow for seven years. While starting a new job search, I was asked if I was Mrs., Ms., etc. I chose Mrs.

I am just curious if that is correct. A friend recently remarked, “You still are married.”

GENTLE READER: Your friend has not paid attention to the marriage service. The state of modern marriage notwithstanding, it generally specifies “until death do you part.”

That is not to say that the widowed may not consider themselves still emotionally joined, and prefer to use Mrs. socially. But that has no place in the business world, where Ms. is the best choice because marital status should be irrelevant.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman sat behind me at a coffeehouse, put her headphones on, and started up a very personal conversation via phone. I was working on my computer, so I had my own headphones on. However, I could not turn up the music loud enough (and at a tolerable enough level for my ears) to drown her out.

I shot a couple of glances behind me (I know, ridiculously passive-aggressive), and, after the second one, she said loudly, “Hang on a minute,” then directed her attention to me and asked, “Is it all right that I am on the phone?” I turned and said, “Well, it’s a bit loud.”

She snapped back (loudly), “I am NOT loud!” I replied, “OK,” and turned around. She ended up gathering up her stuff in a huff and left.

I was left to wonder if I am the rude one by thinking it’s quite rude to hold loud phone conversations in spaces like coffeehouses and restaurants. With more and more people working remotely, I have encountered this more frequently.

I’ve had people say to me, “How is it any different than two people sitting next to you and having a conversation?” It just is. No matter who you are, you speak in a louder voice when talking on the phone (especially in a noisy coffeehouse) than you do just chatting with a friend at your table. And there are now several studies that show that hearing one side of a conversation causes more distraction and less ability to remember things than hearing a two-sided conversation, apparently because your mind is rushing to fill in the other, unheard side of the conversation.

If I have to take a quick phone call while in a coffeehouse or similar space, I step away briefly. If the call is going to be longer, I pack up my stuff and head to my car. Perhaps I am overly conscious of my fellow coffee drinkers or diners, but this seems like the most considerate thing to do.

So, is it rude to hold a long phone conversation or conference call in a busy place of business? And, if Miss Manners does deem it rude, what is the best way to handle it in the future? I really doubt that my passive-aggressive glances are the right approach.

GENTLE READER: Working in coffee shops rather than at home or in offices has indeed become more prevalent. However, the expectation that they should therefore maintain a library level of silence is not reasonable. It is still a public place.

Your letter implies that you recognize this distinction, but Miss Manners feels compelled to emphasize it. It is therefore the volume and subject matter of these calls that is being questioned -- not the right to make them -- and that is more difficult to police politely.

Your best tactic is to show concern for the caller: “This call feels personal and I am sure that you don’t wish others to eavesdrop. I wonder if you would be safer taking it outside.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I pulled into traffic without seeing a car coming toward me from the left. Fortunately, that driver saw me and was able to avoid a collision. She blared the car horn at me in frustration, which I thought was appropriate.

What should have been the appropriate response from me? I didn’t want to stick my arm out and wave, in case that action might be misunderstood, but I did want to acknowledge my error. Is there an acceptable hand gesture or other action that would convey the thought, “Please excuse me, my mistake”?

GENTLE READER: A bow of the head and a slightly ashamed nod and salute is about all that can be expressed silently, in motion and behind glass. Miss Manners cautions you that if this is too subtle, it will not be seen -- and if too exaggerated, it might cause another collision. Knowing you were wrong and vowing to be more careful next time is probably all that can be reasonably done.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a professional writer, struggling to sell my books and make a small margin of profit. Several of my close friends have purchased my book and all have given glowing reviews. Then, often, they say to me: “I am going to lend this book to all my friends in my women’s club,” or “at my church,” or whatever.

How can I tactfully say that I am flattered, but that I would prefer they ask their friends to buy the book, rather than to share my hard work without further compensation to me? If I were an actress, they would not say, “We loved your performance and we’re sneaking all our friends in, free of charge.”

GENTLE READER: True, but you also do not wish to discourage an even more valuable seller: word of mouth. Presumably those few copies of your book will eventually run out. Miss Manners suggests that you say something like, “Thank you so much for recommending it. Here’s hoping your friends will encourage their friends to buy it, so they don’t wear out your only copy.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son just got engaged, and they will soon set a date for the wedding. This is his second marriage and her first. His first wedding, everyone from both my wife’s side and my side of the family came into town and gave him and his ex gifts.

With this being his second marriage, should we be inviting these same relatives again? Is it right to ask them to attend and give gifts?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners has a certain sympathy for wanting to start a new marriage without the weight of the old china pattern, her usual abhorrence of registries is magnified for a second marriage. You might point out to the bride that generosity and indulgence will more likely be inspired if she does not issue a lengthy and expensive checklist of new presents. At the very least, she should take pains to exclude items that the guests have already seen or bought the first time around.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)