DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you have guests, must you offer a full bar or no bar at all? We don’t typically have anything on hand but martini fixings and scotch, but we do stock beer and wine for guests.

GENTLE READER: While good hosts make reasonable efforts to see that their guests enjoy themselves, you are not running a bar. Neither etiquette nor Miss Manners imposes any requirements about the contents of the liquor cabinet, any more than we require a menu of dinner options.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been with my boyfriend for a few years. He has an 18-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son from a previous relationship.

My boyfriend’s uncle is getting married; this isn’t his mom’s or dad’s brother, but an “uncle” through his mother’s cousin’s family. When we received the wedding invitation, it directed us to an RSVP website where I marked our names as, “Yes, we will attend.” My name and my boyfriend’s were the only ones listed, both on the website and on our invitation.

Once I let my boyfriend know, he thought there must be a mistake, and that his uncle must have forgotten to invite his kids, or at least the 18-year-old. I said, “Maybe they don’t want anyone under 21 attending. I think it was deliberate,” horrified at the idea that he would think a wedding invitation would be sent so frivolously and without the proper guests being invited.

Weddings are expensive and planned out with care. Dinner costs a certain amount of money per head, and I’m positive there is a budget and this was all figured out already. Also, the invitation literally said, “Join us for a night of debauchery, dancing and drinks!” which clearly seemed to imply that it was adults-only.

I told him as much. I’m not sure what he didn’t understand about this, but he went ahead and called his uncle! His uncle was gracious and said, “Yes, she can come.”

Maybe it’s not a big deal, but I think it was incredibly rude to ask to invite another guest to a wedding. He did get his way, but wasn’t it uncouth? Am I just stuck being stuck-up? Sometimes I feel he lacks social grace and awareness, and this seems to be a glaring example. Please correct me if I’m wrong!

GENTLE READER: You are correct that invitations are not to be thought of as an offer to negotiate more generous terms. But Miss Manners is concerned how you plan to use her endorsement. You are only a provisional member of your boyfriend’s family. For now, his judgment has precedence in matters regarding interactions with them -- if only because he knows them better. Perhaps he remembers that the uncle is forgetful and is close to his older daughter.

That, at least, is the theory. In practice, it sounds like the uncle merely acquiesced.

The good news is that your boyfriend is only a provisional member of your own family. Explain why you would not have put your own family member in such an awkward position. How he reacts may provide useful evidence as you decide whether your provisional relationship should become permanent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my sisters, who is big into the ancestry research stuff, gave all of her immediate family members DNA test kits for Christmas. She convinced herself that we were interested in her personal hobby.

I told her that I think skydiving is great (not a good example), and that I would congratulate anyone who wanted to do it. However, I would never want to jump out of a plane.

She was hurt that I wasn’t thrilled. I told her that the present was for her -- and because I love her, I will take the test with the understanding that this is her present, not mine.

I think it’s a rude gift to receive for Christmas. There are a lot of jokes and implications that could be made about it. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Presents that are more about the giver than the receiver are thoughtless; ones that criticize the receiver are rude. There is a difference.

Miss Manners understands that the former has occurred, but sees no evidence to suggest that your sister meant to question your legitimacy or your mother’s honor. You should therefore have accepted the gift with good grace.

You need not, however, actually take the test. If asked, you might say either that you have not gotten around to it, not mentioning that you never will, or admit that you are not as interested in ancestry as she.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife, my son and I have been in the habit of going out to a restaurant together for Saturday breakfast. My wife takes her vitamins in a small disposable bag, and at the end of the meal, she leaves the empty bag on the table. Sometimes she will leave with it a tissue that she has used to refresh her makeup.

My son, who has worked in food service, criticizes her for this, and asserts that no personal trash should be left on the table that was not part of eating the meal itself -- and that it is especially inappropriate to expect someone else to handle the tissue, which might have been used for anything.

My wife is unrepentant. What would you advise?

GENTLE READER: Given your close relationship to the disagreeing parties, Miss Manners would advise staying out of the line of fire. But she agrees with your son that the fact that a restaurant table is going to be cleaned and reset is not an invitation to add to the post-meal debris.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I send an email to a co-worker or a friend requesting a bit of information they can easily supply, should I append an ambiguous “Thanks” to the end? (“Thanks for considering this request”?)

When I receive the information, should I send another email saying “Thanks,” possibly adding to inbox clutter? Or should I do both?

GENTLE READER: Anticipatory thanks are strange, and even due thanks are not always welcome: Grouches will complain that you are filling their inboxes, presumably crowding out notices of cake in the break room.

But they are polite. Miss Manners would not worry about their being ambiguous, as it simply means they are doing double duty.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother taught me to congratulate a groom or newly engaged man, but to offer happiness and best wishes to the bride/newly engaged woman. I see many people congratulating both today, rather than offering best wishes to the woman. I find myself doing it more and more with the younger couples I know who are getting engaged and married.

My very elderly mother heard me congratulate a friend’s daughter on her engagement and lectured me on how inappropriate I was. Is there truly a correct way to offer such congratulations to a couple that expresses my joy and happiness for them? And if I am still supposed to offer much happiness and best wishes to a bride, what do I do for a same-sex couple?

GENTLE READER: Your mother may be pleased to hear that Miss Manners still makes this distinction. But nobody else does.

And as it is based on the premise that the bridegroom is lucky to have taken a bride, and that the bride may be in need of luck, it is hard to justify -- and impossible, even with that silly division in mind, to apply to a wedding of two brides or two bridegrooms.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my early 60s and have worked in my profession for over 30 years. I recently wore my hair pulled back, and a co-worker (with whom I get along) commented that my hairstyle was “cute” and that it made me “look like a little girl.”

I thanked her, and said that I knew she meant the comment as a compliment (I wanted to at least show that I’d give her the benefit of the doubt), but asked her politely not to call me a little girl. She asked, in a surprised voice, “Why not?”

When I said that I considered it disrespectful, another co-worker who was standing near us asked, in a challenging voice, “in what way” it was disrespectful. We resolved the issue when I said it was OK to say I look “cute” (I don’t like that either, but I wanted to end the conversation).

I told another co-worker, a friend, about the incident, and she again questioned what was wrong with the remark. The lady who made the remark might, indeed, have been trying to belittle me, and reacted defensively, with backup from the second co-worker.

But why would my friend not acknowledge the veiled insult? I consider her a close friend; I have socialized with her outside of work, and we share confidences. Could it be a cultural thing? Can you provide any insight on the matter?

GENTLE READER: You started out so well -- realizing that a compliment was intended, and responding graciously. So then why pick a quarrel with a co-worker who was trying to be nice?

Admittedly there are times when that characterization would belittle you. But in this instance, it was just the awkward compliment of someone who unfortunately has bought into the idea that all grown-ups want to pass as young -- even, in this case, ridiculously young. Miss Manners recommends dropping the grievance and the topic.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)