DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married for eight years. We reside in my husband’s family’s house with his younger sister, who is a nurse.

We have had trouble conceiving, and have been going through fertility work-ups and treatments. Both our families are aware and supportive of our journey.

However, last year I had a falling-out with my sister-in-law. She got pregnant, which surprised us all, since we weren’t aware that she had a boyfriend. What irked me is that she just paraded around her pregnancy without even considering my or my husband’s feelings. She didn’t talk to me for the whole duration of her pregnancy.

Insensitive relatives would tell us, “She got pregnant ahead of you!” or “What are you two waiting for?” and so on.

My husband has talked to his sister about how she treated me. Instead of speaking to me personally, she just messaged me after she gave birth that she was sorry that she left me out of the whole pregnancy thing. So we became friends again.

Three months ago, we found out through our maid that his sister is pregnant again, yet she has not taken the courtesy to talk to us. I feel that I am not being treated as a family member. The maid is more like her sister than me.

She should be the one to tell us, but how long should we wait? We are noticing her growing bump. The thing that I hate the most is insulting my intelligence.

She does not help with chores; she is messy and lazy. She is unappreciative of the help we give her by taking care of her child. She acts like a brat when her parents come for a visit.

I think I am going to explode. How do we break the ice with this second pregnancy?

GENTLE READER: There is a soap-opera level of activity going on in this (apparently) exceedingly large house, what with your sister-in-law’s gentleman callers coming in and out unnoticed, maids who are confidantes -- but who do not seem to help with chores and messiness -- as well as the seeming ability to reside there without talking to household members for months at a time.

Miss Manners is sympathetic to your situation -- to a point. She noticed, however, that you did not like it when your sister-in-law “paraded” her pregnancy and family members talked about it. But then, you also do not like it when you get left out or are not told things upfront and firsthand.

Your sister-in-law might see it otherwise, thinking that she is being responsive to your feelings by hiding her pregnancy and finding another confidante. While usually never a supporter of pointing out ladies’ pregnancies before they are officially announced (the chance of being mistaken is too great a risk), Miss Manners suggests that in this case, you take your sister-in-law aside and kindly say, “You know, we are so excited about your growing family and hope that we can continue to help in any way we can. We do so love having babies around the house.”

You may find yourself with more babysitting duties, but you will have made the point that you are, in fact, intelligent enough to be aware of the situation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m an instructor at a college with a great diversity of students. They range in age from 15 to 70, and may have arrived via the prison day bus or the home-school parent’s minivan. I’ve taught for many years.

This semester, a member of the class is -- or so I perceived -- a man in his 30s, a bit stout, with long hair, clad in the frequent costume of T-shirt, jeans and work shoes. I ask each student how to pronounce their name and if they prefer a variation of it (does “James Brown” prefer Mr. Brown, James or Jim?) and he gave a variation of his first name.

I’ve referred to him as “he” lo these last two months, without correction. Then, after an exam this week, the last student to finish informed me that she’d looked on her classmate’s social media account and He’s posted as She.

I was flabbergasted. I looked up the student’s record, and she’s recorded as female.

Shall I apologize? I’m feeling it would be rude to make it her fault by asking why she didn’t correct me. I’ve had transitioning, gay and transgender students, and I respect each person. It’s none of my business where she is on any “label.” I’m just wondering how to respond to my public blunder. I have allowed the entire class to believe this, as well.

GENTLE READER: You are correct not to draw attention to it, particularly if the student in question previously has not. Miss Manners suggests that you simply switch to the female pronoun from now on and hope that the other students catch on. If they remain confused or curious, presumably they can look her up on social media themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I received a thank-you card for our wedding gift to his cousin and her new husband. The wedding was more than a year ago, but in fairness to the couple, there has been significant upset through that branch of the family since the wedding, so I’m quite willing to ignore how long the thank-you took.

What concerns me is that we were only thanked for one part of the gift, not the other two. All were boxed and wrapped separately, but were meant to be used -- and, one hopes, enjoyed -- together.

I don’t wish to be that complaining, ancient family member who nitpicks about not being thanked properly for a gift, but I am concerned that they might not have actually received the other boxes (they were all dropped off at a family home; see above family crises) or that they might have ascribed them to another gift-giver.

Is there a polite and kind way to ask if they got the rest of the presents, without being seen as querulous?

GENTLE READER: “I am so glad you liked the silver forks. We thought that they would work especially well with the matching knives and spoons.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are putting together a business trip for 200 people who won it by meeting certain work goals, and each can bring a guest of their choosing. It is to be held out of the country at a nice resort.

Guests can come and go as they please. During the day, there are multiple excursions and activities they may pick from, or they can relax by the pool or beach. We provide an open breakfast and lunch. Each evening, there is an organized cocktail hour and dinner, including entertainment. The expectation is that the guests will attend the dinner.

In the past, some people have elected not to participate in these dinners. Some of our trip planners would like to add “mandatory” to the program itinerary. While I also believe it is important to let our guests know that dinner is mandatory, is there a nicer, more polite way of making that clear?

GENTLE READER: Businesspeople like the word “transparent,” although Miss Manners wonders if they grasp its full meaning. It means see-through, not honest, but perhaps they merely want to avoid any admission that what they were doing before was not quite honest.

The 200 employees who have been told that their reward for hard work is a free trip, with a guest, to a nice resort -- away from such things as business goals -- have seen through your attempt to dress up work as pleasure. Or perhaps they have seen through your mixed messaging: Meetings -- even meetings with food service -- are work, not vacation.

The solution is to be frank from the start about your intentions by mentioning in the initial invitation that attendance at the dinners is required (a slightly milder command than “mandatory”). If you then plan a meeting with balloons and party games, Miss Manners wishes you luck sorting out a mess entirely of your own making.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a job that requires me to interact with the elderly in the community, a lot of whom are widows/widowers. In a recent conversation with a widow, she commented that she and her husband had been married 67 years ago on that day.

I wasn’t sure if I should offer my condolences for her, because her husband had passed and couldn’t celebrate such a milestone, or if I should offer congratulations.

She and I were having a happy conversation, and she didn’t seem upset in the slightest about relaying that information to me. She continued on with our conversation, laughing and smiling.

This is a situation that I have come across several times. What is the best way to respond to sad information relayed on such a jovial note? I normally just sit there, unsure of what to say, until the conversation moves on to a new topic.

GENTLE READER: The proper tone is one consistent with sad, but old, news: subdued, but not funereal. But beware: Even if the widow is jovial, you are less likely to get in trouble being somber than being funny. Above all, Miss Manners recommends listening more than talking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)