DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been under some impression or guidance that guests wearing the bride’s chosen color scheme were honoring the bride’s family.

The rationale was that guests would send the message that they were so happy for the couple that they would appear to be part of the wedding party, even if only casually. Also, the wedding party would appear much larger than it actually is to an outside observer, and in photographs.

However, I have since learned that wearing the bride’s theme color, determined by save the date and invitation colors, was in fact offensive. Some brides have made a point to make their themes a secret, and I have wondered if that was the reason why.

GENTLE READER: Were you really under the impression that a bride’s childish affinity for a bubblegum-pink unicorn wedding had some secret underlying meaning? And are you now worried that if you sussed it out or paid tribute to it, you would be in danger of exposing the secret or falsely posing as family?

Miss Manners understands that unity in the bridal party is often symbolized through matching clothing. But the idea that a color may only be reserved for a certain category of attendees is just silly. She suggests, instead, that everyone stop thinking so much about this superficial detail -- and focus instead on the most important element of the wedding: the cake.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 10-year-old daughter was close friends with a 12-year-old girl in her class. Now, my daughter told me she has stopped talking to her friend because she consistently says “mean things,” uses profanity and physically displays jealousy (grabbing her arm) if my daughter pays attention to other friends.

My daughter said she has blocked her friend from communicating with her, and specifically requested that I respect her wishes and not communicate with the friend’s mother (whom I don’t have any relationship with).

I work in the law enforcement profession, and know that the friend’s family is involved in domestic disputes and other negative behaviors. I am torn, because my heart is sad that her friend behaves this way and that my daughter lost a friend, but I am proud of my daughter for making what I feel to be a mature, positive decision.

I can’t help but want to “meddle” and talk to the friend’s parents, but I want to respect my daughter’s wish to leave it alone. What advice do you have?

GENTLE READER: That you meddle, but indirectly and with discretion.

If you have real reason to believe that your daughter’s friend might be in danger, it seems to Miss Manners that your moral -- and professional -- obligation is to get involved. Since you are in law enforcement, you could see if it is possible to pass the task along to someone else with whom you work and trust. That way, it cannot be directly traced to you -- either by your daughter or by the girl’s family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am attracted to a close friend of mine; however, she is engaged to someone else. From her attitude and what I am told by her, it seems she is less than satisfied with the relationship.

We get along well, and I feel an attraction between us. Were she simply dating, I would not feel awkward, and would not think twice about pursuing a relationship. Is it wrong to pursue another who is engaged unhappily?

GENTLE READER: Were she in the morals business, Miss Manners would answer “yes.” Being in the etiquette business, she answers “yes” -- but for a different reason.

Implying that your friend has both poor judgment -- she should not be engaged to her current suitor -- and is untrustworthy -- she has feelings for you, while engaged to another -- is impolite. It is also unlikely to be effective. Instead, listen sympathetically -- and wait.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does one need to make any type of acknowledgment when having a conversation in which both people pronounce the same word differently? I’m not talking about words that have regional influences, such as “car” and “caah,” but more like “dachshund” (“dock-sund” vs. “dashhound”) and others.

I realize that both parties believe they are pronouncing the word the correct way; it’s just that sometimes I get this awkward feeling when we go back and forth multiple times using the same word, as if it’s “dueling pronunciations”! Does either party need to acknowledge this in some lighthearted way, or just go with it?

GENTLE READER: If you cannot change the subject or laugh it off (“Oh, I never knew how to pronounce that”), at least change the word. Miss Manners realizes this will be easier if it is not being used to identify which of many dogs are involved in this scrum.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have two cats, a siamese and an orange tabby, both about 2 years old. When the orange tabby uses her litter box, well, it’s just pungent and disgustingly smelly.

My husband just sits there and says, “When you have pets, they come with smells.” I beg to differ, and think we should eliminate the smells as much as possible. What if we had company over?

What’s the proper etiquette in these matters? I think even one use with fresh litter is one too many. I think he’s trying to gaslight me and he’s just being lazy!

GENTLE READER: Without questioning the motive behind your hypothetical addition of guests, Miss Manners cannot help noticing that it decides the issue in your favor.

Yes, if guests are present, smelly cat boxes should not be. This does not, however, settle the question you pose.

Household questions should be decided by mutual agreement, with both sides giving greater weight to situations that cause greater discomfort. It would seem that your husband would, if he considered it, concede that the discomfort of having to get up is less than the discomfort of smelling ... cats. And this can be further offset by relocating the cat box or by taking turns changing the litter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A couple of years ago, I finished an advanced degree in a rather specialized program from a prestigious university. Often, when I met new people and the topic of “What do you do?” came up, people would end by saying some variant of “Wow! You must be really smart!”

Now that I’m out of school, people still sometimes say this about my career. I’ve never figured out a polite and humble response, and always feel embarrassed. Saying “thank you” sometimes feels like I’m agreeing with them. If I try to dismiss the comment, it usually comes off as false humility. What should my response be?

GENTLE READER: The question is, as you have noticed, a booby trap, although the speaker may not have meant it as such. As with all ambushes, the proper response is to get as far away as fast you can -- figuratively, not literally.

Talk about how much you enjoy what you do -- “It is always challenging!” -- and then change the subject. It would be natural to reciprocate by asking what your interlocutors studied, but Miss Manners cautions against this. Learning that the flatterer is a dropout will make your predicament worse, not better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aesthetician kept me waiting for the length of my recent appointment, while someone else, who was either late or a walk-in, received her treatment. I was unable to wait “just 10 more minutes,” as I had another appointment elsewhere. Was she rude, or am I overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Professionals frequently complain to Miss Manners about their clients’ inability to arrive on time. Too often, they fail to see the even more common reverse problem.

An appointment is a two-way commitment. A doctor, lawyer or aesthetician who keeps customers waiting, without both a good reason and an apology, should not expect Miss Manners’ help when their next appointment refuses to stop talking on the phone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to give a roommate a thank-you card upon moving out?

I am living in my college’s dorm, in a shared room with three other people. While the individuals across the hall have caused almost constant problems in terms of messiness, excessive noise and petty fights about chore charts, the roommate on my side of the dorm has been genuinely fantastic. We keep vastly different schedules and aren’t close enough to really be friends, but we’ve bonded over the fight to keep the communal areas clean, and get along great on the occasions we are able to talk.

When the semester is over, I am wondering if it would be acceptable to give her a thank-you card, or even a small gift, when we move out for the summer. We will have different assigned rooms next semester, and I want to somehow show my appreciation for how delightful it has been to live with her. Would a thank-you card be appropriate? Or just weird?

GENTLE READER: It might be misunderstood, which is worse. Miss Manners herself might take exception at being thanked for moving out. Tell your roommate how much you enjoyed living with her and that you hope to remain friends, even without a shared cause of complaint.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)