DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a fan of a sports team whose fans are known for wearing headgear in the shape of a wedge of cheese. I’m fortunate enough to attend one game a year, where I’m far from the only fan wearing this accoutrement, or similar gear.

This year, the woman seated behind me immediately complained, in a loud and insulting manner, that I was blocking her view. She insisted I had no right to wear the offending chapeau, and when I politely declined to remove it, she threatened to call security to have me ejected for disruptive behavior.

I solved the problem by offering to switch seats with her. Her friends, who were seated next to her, thanked me and apologized for her behavior. I’m reminded of the classic rule for ladies to remove their hats when in a theater, but wouldn’t a sports event, where the team encourages the practice, have a different sensitivity?

GENTLE READER: Where, oh where, does one wear a cheese wedge hat, if not at a Wisconsin sporting event?

Miss Manners suggests that the issue here, as you discovered, is not one of etiquette, but is more practical: that all paying viewers be allowed a reasonable chance to see the event they are attending. Clearly, this is the infraction to which the woman objected, albeit rudely. A quick scan of sight lines before being seated would seemingly solve the problem. Or perhaps Wisconsin fans should consider headwear in a Swiss, or a nice spreadable, so that other patrons can more easily see through it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our first child, and we have been gifted tons of hand-me-downs from friends and family. Some of these items are great, and we are grateful for them.

However, several family members seem to think that they can just use us as a dumping ground for old, dirty, broken or unsafe items they no longer want. We’ve received a broken playpen, a moldy booster seat, a ripped baby carrier from the 1970s, and towels that are old and rough.

We’ve accepted everything with thank-yous and smiles, but now the burden is on us to sort through the trash and get rid of it. At a time when we are already overwhelmed, this is incredibly frustrating.

While it’s not worth starting an argument with our family members, I’m hoping you’ll consider publishing this as a public service announcement to givers. If you want to hand down baby items, please A) Make sure they are in good, safe, working condition; and B) Check with the parent(s) to ask if it’s something they still need. (We also have multiples of many items.)

GENTLE READER: Consider the announcement made. Miss Manners is sympathetic to your situation, and commends you for enduring it. She humbly reminds you, however, that what you consider a threadbare and smelly old blanket may be, for others, a treasured memory that they are now lovingly passing down to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a paralegal in a midsize law firm, where I will soon be marking my 10th anniversary. For the past few years, I have been fortunate to be given very generous bonuses and raises by the firm, and I’ve written thank-you notes to the founding partners -- two of whom are located in a different city, and the third of whom is the managing partner of the office where I work.

A few weeks ago, my managing partner stopped by my office with the thank-you notes I had sent to him and returned them to me, saying he was cleaning out his office. On one hand, I was flattered, if not a little surprised, that he had kept these, but I also thought it was a little unusual to return them. I’ve never heard of anyone returning a thank-you note, or, for that matter, of anyone other than a doting parent keeping a note for a number of years.

I know he appreciated the gesture, but I’m wondering if, going forward, I should continue to express my appreciation verbally, or by email, without adding to the correspondence on his desk. It’s obviously not something I’d feel comfortable asking him.

GENTLE READER: When Miss Manners considers demands for the return of correspondence, she is thinking of someone insisting on the return of love letters, not the hoarding of thank-you letters. Otherwise, returning letters is an insulting gesture.

What your managing partner did was, indeed, odd, and in your particular case, she agrees that in future, consideration suggests that you clutter his electronic inbox instead of his desk.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On what occasion would you cover your plate with your napkin? If you don’t finish your meal and want to shield your guests from seeing it? When you finish?

GENTLE READER: Never?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As someone who endeavors to fulfill the obligations of a polite person, I find myself stymied by how to write an appropriate letter of condolence in extraordinarily difficult circumstances.

A young man who had been in my daughter’s class from kindergarten through high school recently died of a drug overdose. We do not have a personal relationship with his parents, yet if I lost my child under such horrific circumstances, I hope I would find it comforting to know that others remembered him and cared enough to write.

But how can one correctly word a letter expressing sympathy for such an unimaginable loss? I hesitate to mention my daughter’s connection to this young man for fear that it would be insensitive, yet it is likely that they would recognize her name, but perhaps not mine.

GENTLE READER: Mentioning your own daughter is only insensitive if the bereaved parents resent your not having suffered a similar loss. Bereaved parents can be forgiven much, but as it is an ugly feeling, it is more generous to assume this is not the case. Miss Manners trusts that a condolence letter from your family -- which includes your daughter -- will be both appreciated and taken in the proper spirit.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I went out for a nice dinner and ordered quail as an appetizer. It was absolutely delicious, but also very difficult to eat, as the bird is very small, and the meat difficult to cut off of the bones.

We were laughing at ourselves in our frustration, trying to pin down the drumstick with the fork and knife to get at the meat, and wondering if there was a proper way to eat small fowl. It certainly didn’t seem proper to pick it up and eat it like a drumstick of fried chicken on a picnic, but the alternative -- chasing it around the plate with fork and knife and being unable to get at half of the meat -- didn’t seem quite right, either. Do you have any advice for us?

GENTLE READER: Quail is indeed a challenge. Request a very sharp knife, and reconcile yourself to not getting every last smidgeon. Miss Manners offers two observations: You are better off than the quail. And you will likely wish to order a more substantial main course.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On two separate occasions, I have witnessed a person falling. Are there any rules or customs that help individuals respond to these accidents?

In both cases, those who saw the accidents waited for the paramedics -- who were necessary, as the injuries were serious. Beyond calling 911, are bystanders to walk away so there won’t be additional confusion, or move out of the way and wait out of concern?

If we walk away, knowing that we are not able to help the situation, it appears as if one is indifferent. If we stand around, it appears as if we are gawking and enjoying the moment. There should be a way to handle this.

GENTLE READER: Gawkers and good Samaritans are differentiated by their actions, but Miss Manners recognizes that in such situations, action is not always required.

You will therefore have to demonstrate your intent by standing back and putting on a concerned face (furrowed brow), but not staring. How long to remain in that position -- in other words, whether you can leave -- will depend on the seriousness of the fall and the number of other people available in case extra help is needed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter will be a first-generation university graduate this spring. I want to take her out to a restaurant of her choice afterwards to celebrate. Any family/friends wishing to attend the dinner party are welcome to come along, provided I know in advance, so that proper reservations can be made.

Would it be inappropriate to expect everyone to pay their own way? And how would I convey this message without any hurt feelings or being presumptuous?

GENTLE READER: As she is unwilling to question your motives, Miss Manners must instead question your logic. A dinner host invites guests -- and bears the cost of feeding them. In return she receives, one hopes, recognition as the host, gratitude and reciprocation.

If you do not wish to assume the responsibilities of a host, then she cannot offer you the rewards. Alternatives would be a less costly dinner at your home, a smaller guest list, or persuading one of your daughter’s peers to pipe up at the graduation ceremony with, “Hey, does anyone want to go over to Josh’s Diner and grab dinner?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)