DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been told that proper ladies do not accept expensive gifts from men to whom they are not related, either by birth or by marriage.

How large or expensive a gift would count as improper? Does it depend on the means of the donor? Of the recipient? Which relations (e.g., father, brother), if any, are excluded from this rule?

Since many engagements are sealed with a pricey ring, does being betrothed count as an appropriate relationship for the exchange of other such gifts?

GENTLE READER: The engagement ring is a pledge, whose acceptance is dependent on a forthcoming marriage. That means it is to be returned if either person breaks the engagement. Miss Manners is sorry, but the jilted should have only the satisfaction of throwing it in the faithless one’s face, not of selling it.

A variation of this will tell you what a lady should not accept from a gentleman to whom she is not related or planning to become related: anything she would still want to keep even if she discarded him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have numerous friends and colleagues who email me to meet with them over a meal or to join them for some general event, such as attending the movies. Then they message, asking: What restaurant or movie do I want to attend? What is the location, date and time?

In other words, I essentially am invited to review restaurants, look up movie options and viewing times, and peruse my calendar to share dates and times I have available, then send this information back to them to pick and choose. When I demur and suggest they manage the options, I hear how they don’t care and just want to do whatever I want to do.

What I want is a clear-cut invitation without the long email back to them with all the information from me.

What is a polite but firm and determined response I can use to get the persons inviting me to make their own arrangements? I have said in the past that I was in a work crunch with deadlines and just preferred that they manage the details, but I generally get, again, “But I don’t care and want to do what you prefer.” Or “OK -- what is a restaurant you like, or a movie you want to see? When are you available?”

GENTLE READER: This exchange is known as “After You, Alphonse.” Everyone is trying to be considerate, but it drags on too long. Miss Manners suggests that you go only so far as to name a date, and then say, “Please surprise me. I have great faith in your taste.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I showed an acquaintance a photo of me that was taken nine years ago. The photo is of me, in a beautiful ball gown. His response? “That doesn’t look like you at all.”

It was irritating at least, humiliating at worst. What do I say if I get this rude comment again?

GENTLE READER: “I know. I changed my clothes.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two years ago, I neglected to give my brother and sister-in-law a wedding gift.

We live in a very remote location, and it’s difficult and expensive for us to leave our home base. So when we traveled for his wedding, we tacked on several weeks of travel around the country to see all our family and friends. During this trip, our main credit card came up for renewal and we misplaced the new cards. The bank said replacements would have to be sent to our home address, no exceptions.

This was OK, since we had backups. But then, the day before the wedding, we were victims of identity theft. Our remaining funds (bank accounts and associated cards) were frozen.

We had planned to buy the gift that day. (I know, I know!) Obviously we couldn’t. Dealing with the identity theft and the near-total lack of money, thousands of miles from home and weeks away from our return plane tickets, was pretty rough.

By the time we tried to buy my brother a gift again, we could no longer access his registry. We kept meaning to figure out an alternative ... and we just didn’t.

My brother and I have never talked about it. My husband and I have since had a short, pleasant visit with him and his wife, so I don’t think they’re holding a grudge. But I feel terrible! We never told them about our money situation, because at first we didn’t want to bother them, and then later it sounded too ridiculous and far-fetched to share.

What do we do now? Do we bring it up? Let it go, since they don’t seem mad? Send an anniversary gift? That seems kind of creepy. They’re planning on starting a family soon -- should we send something extra special for the baby and call it good? Or do we just bury this forever?

GENTLE READER: Two years ago seems long enough for this to have become a funny story. Since everyone here has behaved well -- and not harbored resentments or made demands -- why not surprise the couple with an impromptu present?

Particularly now that they have settled into their home and you are familiar with their tastes, it will be that much more meaningful than if it had been just an item checked off their registry.

The added advantage, Miss Manners notes, is that future family harmony may be secured. The omission can now no longer be brought up 20 years later in an unrelated squabble.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our third child. It so happens that my OB’s office and our children’s pediatrician are in the same building.

This building has a handful of spots reserved for expecting mothers. I parked there while taking my son to his doctor, but my husband felt like those spots are to be used by OB patients. I feel like pregnant is pregnant, and those spots are open to any expecting women, regardless of which doctor you are visiting.

GENTLE READER: Anyone who follows a pregnant woman into a doctor’s office to confirm that she is there only for the most obvious reasons forfeits the high ground, as well as the parking spot. Otherwise, Miss Manners agrees with you that you are entitled to it for the duration of your pregnancy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear friend of mine recently became engaged after 12 years of dating. This is a second wedding for both parties, and both are well over 50 years old and established.

The groom has been unemployed for years, and the bride-to-be makes close to six figures. Regardless of their financial situation, neither could afford to have a large wedding, so they started planning a small, intimate event.

Flash-forward a few weeks. Suddenly, 70 invitations go out in the mail, people are being asked to provide tables, tablecloths, food, labor, decorations, flowers from their gardens, music, photography, transportation for her mother ... you get the picture. The last straw was when a call came to “man a table at the wedding to replenish supplies and keep the punch bowl full.”

Miss Manners, the guests of this wedding love and adore the bride and wish her nothing but the best, but how do we tell her that enough is enough?

In addition to throwing her a shower, assisting in throwing the wedding, and providing the setup and cleanup, she is expecting gifts. I love this woman, but am sick of feeling used and abused.

I’m tired of feeling guilty for saying no, and don’t want to offend her, but I’m at a loss and feeling very resentful.

GENTLE READER: Your friend is running an event-planning operation -- with no pay for her workers. As she is a good friend, Miss Manners suggests that you take her aside and tell her that her guests will be more at ease enjoying less-expensive fare than being asked to provide it. And then point her in the direction of the nearest dollar store and task-assistance app.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were hosting a small dinner party that included his 91-year-old father, whom we spend every day with, as well as a handful of other guests.

There were two separate conversations being held at the table when my husband openly shushed a guest and me, because he wanted to hear his dad’s conversation better. Our guest and I were caught off guard, but then politely stopped talking. Of course, she was never able to finish her story after that.

After our guests left, I told my husband that he was rude to shush us, but he felt that because his dad is 91, we shouldn’t have been talking, but instead just listening to his dad speak. Who was rude -- my husband, or our guest and I?

GENTLE READER: How loud were you speaking? Had your husband asked you and your dinner partner politely if you could speak more quietly, Miss Manners would have been more willing to take his side.

However, it is a reasonable expectation that at dinner parties of more than three people, multiple conversations may take place. If your husband’s requirement is that only his father should speak whenever he is present, then the occasions should be limited to smaller audiences. Or ones that exclusively involve speeches and toasts.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)