DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it normal to make decisions in your current relationship based on the fact that you might not be together in the future? Example: I don’t want to have my tubes tied in case this marriage does not last, and my next husband wants to have kids with me.

I was having this discussion with my significant other, and they said I was being sensitive and I should not take it negatively -- that “it’s just real life.”

GENTLE READER: Say what? Miss Manners was still following you through the example. Certainly, if you do not think a relationship is going to last, no one can blame you for thinking about different possible futures.

Expressing those thoughts to a husband you are not so sure about is another matter. Miss Manners got lost when the husband was demoted to a significant other and chided you for being overly sensitive.

If you were the husband on the receiving end of your wife’s unpleasant expression of doubt, it would be reasonable to be upset and concerned that you were being pushed out the door -- in thought, if not yet in deed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite, non-offensive way to ask a customer service agent to transfer my call to a representative who does not have a foreign accent?

It has been my experience that I am often frustrated or angry with whatever circumstance has caused me to call a customer service department. I become even more upset when the representative does not understand the details of my complaint. There are so many Americanized phrases and terms that we use that may not be literally translated, which causes unavoidable confusion in the conversation.

I completely understand that it is not the representative’s fault. She deserves to be commended for being able to speak another language so fluently; I certainly cannot! However, when I am anxious to have an unpleasant situation resolved, I would simply appreciate not having a language barrier.

I don’t want to offend the person on the other end of the phone. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: There is no polite way to ask for an agent without an accent, but there is a simple alternative: Apologize that you are having trouble understanding their answers -- the connection must be bad -- and hang up. If there are intelligible agents to be found, you may get one on a second call.

Miss Manners realizes that you will now have to explain your problem again from the beginning, but she assures you that this would have happened anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A future houseguest is insisting on coming for nine days, and also asked if they can do laundry while here. Nine days is too long, and no, I do not want them doing laundry at my house. How do I tell them this?

GENTLE READER: If you found it impossible to work up the courage to tell the guest not to move in, Miss Manners is not confident anything she advises will help. You might place an “out of order” sign on the washing machine, but this will prevent you from doing your own laundry -- and will make an unpleasant houseguest even more so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend I have known most of my life, but we seemed to get closer the past 15 years or so. Some bad things happened in my life, and she was there for me at the beginning. But now that life is better, she doesn’t have time for our friendship. She is always busy.

Do friendships ever last a lifetime? Or is it normal for them to end? I’m wondering if I put too much importance on my friendships.

GENTLE READER: Your friend was there when you needed her. And now she is busy -- possibly even attending to another friend in need, or to factors in her own life.

Miss Manners does not see this as the end of a friendship, but it could become so if you are not as sensitive to your friend’s needs as she was to yours.

It is normal for friendships to become more or less intense depending on what else is going on in people’s lives. Considerate friends do not pout about being neglected, but adjust their expectations. So yes, you are attaching too much importance to the friendship as being the chief factor in your friend’s life.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you please tell me how to eat cooked peas?

GENTLE READER: Philosophically. That is, you must resign yourself to the fact that you will not be able to corner every last one of them, and that everyone else you ask will quote the jingle about using honey on a knife. Miss Manners will only offer you the comfort that the last pea is not worth chasing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our daughter was married, many guests traveled from out of state to attend. As she and my son-in-law had been working for several years, they did not create a registry, and instead stated, “Your presence is our present.”

Our families are very traditional, and the wedding was small. Most guests brought cards with well wishes. I was shocked and a bit hurt that no one in my immediate family bothered to give them a card, much less any kind of gift. None of our siblings or parents is struggling financially. In fact, everyone is very successful.

I’ve never neglected to recognize a family member’s life event. It has been several months since the wedding took place, and no late cards have arrived. I know I should not hang on to this hurt, but I just can’t believe how much this has disappointed me.

Our daughter did not expect monetary gifts. But she feels sad that when she looks through her wedding mementos, no one in my family took a minute to even sign their names to a card.

GENTLE READER: Your daughter explicitly stated that the guests’ presence constituted presents -- which is unnecessary, as both are obviously voluntary -- and that is what she got. Unless you are referring to people who ignored both the invitation and the event, why are you and your daughter brooding?

Miss Manners cannot imagine where the idea came from that those who attend must also bring or send cards. You would both be happier concentrating on memories rather than counting mementos.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been told that proper ladies do not accept expensive gifts from men to whom they are not related, either by birth or by marriage.

How large or expensive a gift would count as improper? Does it depend on the means of the donor? Of the recipient? Which relations (e.g., father, brother), if any, are excluded from this rule?

Since many engagements are sealed with a pricey ring, does being betrothed count as an appropriate relationship for the exchange of other such gifts?

GENTLE READER: The engagement ring is a pledge, whose acceptance is dependent on a forthcoming marriage. That means it is to be returned if either person breaks the engagement. Miss Manners is sorry, but the jilted should have only the satisfaction of throwing it in the faithless one’s face, not of selling it.

A variation of this will tell you what a lady should not accept from a gentleman to whom she is not related or planning to become related: anything she would still want to keep even if she discarded him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have numerous friends and colleagues who email me to meet with them over a meal or to join them for some general event, such as attending the movies. Then they message, asking: What restaurant or movie do I want to attend? What is the location, date and time?

In other words, I essentially am invited to review restaurants, look up movie options and viewing times, and peruse my calendar to share dates and times I have available, then send this information back to them to pick and choose. When I demur and suggest they manage the options, I hear how they don’t care and just want to do whatever I want to do.

What I want is a clear-cut invitation without the long email back to them with all the information from me.

What is a polite but firm and determined response I can use to get the persons inviting me to make their own arrangements? I have said in the past that I was in a work crunch with deadlines and just preferred that they manage the details, but I generally get, again, “But I don’t care and want to do what you prefer.” Or “OK -- what is a restaurant you like, or a movie you want to see? When are you available?”

GENTLE READER: This exchange is known as “After You, Alphonse.” Everyone is trying to be considerate, but it drags on too long. Miss Manners suggests that you go only so far as to name a date, and then say, “Please surprise me. I have great faith in your taste.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I showed an acquaintance a photo of me that was taken nine years ago. The photo is of me, in a beautiful ball gown. His response? “That doesn’t look like you at all.”

It was irritating at least, humiliating at worst. What do I say if I get this rude comment again?

GENTLE READER: “I know. I changed my clothes.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)