DEAR MISS MANNERS: When leaving the house, am I under an obligation to “look good”?

I’ve had family tell me to cover my head during a bad hair day because “you can’t go out with your hair like that,” or to throw out clothing with minor flaws because “that’s the way you are supposed to do it.”

I find rather offensive the idea that I should wear a hat so that persons on the street don’t have to look at my “ugly hairdo,” and it is extremely wasteful to throw away clothing merely because a thread caught on something and it created a tiny hole. (My budget also won’t allow for this.)

Am I under an obligation to give strangers something nice to look at when I am out running errands, or am I allowed to stick to the standards of “my clothing is decent, and is daywear” and “I washed and brushed my hair”?

GENTLE READER: Standards have lowered considerably, particularly of late, and what is considered acceptable has changed dramatically. Doubts about pants-wearing on video calls has made suspicion rampant. The wearing of them in public is a bare minimum.

Miss Manners personally likes to do better, but she also agrees that as long as basic hygiene is being observed and certain body parts are covered, your family should back off. Subjective opinions about what constitutes an attractive hairdo are hurtful, and likely never to be satisfied, anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While separating photographs after a divorce from my wife, I have run across some pictures of relatives’ and friends’ weddings. Is there any protocol for what to do with the photos?

In some cases, the marriages have broken up, so I assume that I can just dispose of these photos, correct? I will send my ex-wife any photos containing her and her family, but nothing that includes photos of my family.

Is this the right way to go? We don’t live in the same area anymore and our families were never close.

I would also be interested to hear what you think should be done with family photos that include me, my ex-wife and our children. Should they just go to the children? I am in a new, committed relationship, and I do not wish to have any photos of my ex for any reason.

GENTLE READER: Old, unwanted photographs should go to any pertinent parties who would welcome them -- and with whom giving them away would not start a fight or reopen hurt feelings.

Your methods are fine. Ask your ex-wife and children if they would like their pictures. No explanation necessary -- it will be obvious why -- or just say that you were going through old things. And ask old friends and relatives with whom you are close if they would like theirs.

Tidying up one’s home and not offending its members are two worthwhile pursuits. Miss Manners just urges you to be cautious that you are not offending any extended members in the process.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the past two years, my husband and I have received two rather substantial bequests from two very generous relatives. Because of these inheritances, we have been able to make much larger donations to charities than we otherwise could have.

We have since been inundated with letters and phone calls soliciting more, even larger, donations. Representatives from two charitable organizations have asked to meet personally with us, and a third actually showed up unannounced at our door. (We weren’t home, but he left a note and a small gift.)

Will you please tell me how to politely let these organizations know that phone calls and personal visits will not inspire us to give them more money? If anything, they will have the opposite effect.

In the future, should we enclose a letter with our check, asking that they not contact us except through the mail? I do a much better job of ignoring letters than I do surprise phone calls and ambushes at my front door.

GENTLE READER: Reputable charities should recognize not only the etiquette, but the self-interest, in following a donor’s wish about how to communicate.

But Miss Manners recommends you save your admonition for a response to the inevitable follow-up solicitation. If you preemptively tell them to contact you by mail, you will only whet their appetite.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a tall woman, and am frequently asked my height by men and women alike. While I find it mildly annoying, I can shrug it off easily enough. (I’ve never understood why asking someone’s weight or age is considered rude, but asking about height is fair game.)

But how might I respond to the occasional man who, after asking this personal question and getting an honest answer, doesn’t believe me? It seems to imply that I am either too ignorant to know the right answer or a liar, both of which I find very insulting. (I have had my height of 6’0” verified many times over the years, and I have no reason to “fudge” the numbers.)

A typical confrontation of this sort comes from a man who has exaggerated his own height, and wants me to explain the obvious disparity between our viewpoints. The next time this happens, is there a way I can let him know he is being a jerk -- without being one myself?

GENTLE READER: Asking a woman’s weight is also considered fair game these days, Miss Manners is saddened to admit. That does not make asking her height or her weight any less rude -- and, as it is rude, you are under no obligation to answer.

A light smile, accompanied by, “Oh it’s been so long since I measured,” is all that etiquette requires. For the persistent male, you may add, with a slight tone of annoyance, “As I said, it’s been some time since I measured. Does it really matter?”

If this is still not enough, move closer, look down at him, and ask firmly -- but, please, without a snarl -- ”Well, we’re almost the same height, aren’t we?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am staying at home with my two teenage daughters. My parents, who live about 10 minutes away, are elderly and very vulnerable to the virus. They are observing strict quarantine and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

I have been doing all their errands for them: delivering groceries, picking up medications, bringing over home-cooked meals etc. Given that they are also forgetful, this sometimes requires me going over there two or three times a day, maintaining social distance from my dad on the porch while he wipes down my purchases, or talking to my mother by phone while waving at her bedroom window.

Believe it or not, this has been my pleasure, and I’m happy I have the time and opportunity to help them.

Now my parents are talking about taking me away for a vacation when “this is all over,” as a thank-you. I don’t want to go. I’m a single mom, and although I have not lost my job (I can telecommute), I don’t have a lot of savings. I can think of many better ways to use the money that would be spent on this trip.

Also, due to their age and (probably) fear and uncertainty, my parents bicker. A lot. A month with them would be me running and fetching and carrying and acting as a sounding board/referee. It wouldn’t be a vacation for me at all.

If we go to the beach, as they are hinting, my mother would stay in the rental property, and either my dad or I would have to stay with her at all times. I would be cooking the meals, playing board games with them, sharing cleaning and laundry chores with my dad, shopping, etc.

How do I escape this not-vacation?

GENTLE READER: The same way you avoided coming to the dinner table as a child: by claiming you will be there any minute. More specifically, Miss Manners is suggesting you quibble over the date, not the premise: “I would love to, but with everything that has happened, this year just is not going to work.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you’re wearing a mask, do you have to cover your mouth when you yawn? Or is the mask sufficient?

GENTLE READER: Who can tell?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to break off mutual friendships you have with an ex, so that no one feels offended?

I don’t want a painful reminder of the ex who broke my heart. My mutual friends are not taking it well, with me breaking up with them; they readily side with the ex and call me childish for the whole thing.

GENTLE READER: No one wants to be told that their presence stirs painful memories. So if you do not want to be accused of overreacting, keep your reasons to yourself. Miss Manners trusts you can find less offensive excuses for declining invitations. This is not quick -- you may need to decline multiple invitations -- but it is proper.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)