DEAR MISS MANNERS: My only sibling passed away 18 months ago. She had two daughters, both in their 50s. During the pandemic, one of my nieces planned her wedding for this spring. Why now is anybody's guess, as she has been living with the man for over 10 years.

In chatting with her a few months ago, she made it clear that they only wanted people to attend who did not have to travel by plane -- so basically only local family and friends. I live over 1,000 miles away.

Both my husband and I are fully vaccinated and would still wear a mask and practice social distancing. I see posts of the couple with friends at their house, maskless. We pose less of a risk than those who will attend who are not vaccinated.

I understand it's "their day, their way," but what hurt me was how she addressed it. If only she would have said, "You are my only aunt and we would love for you to be there, but we just don't feel safe having people who were on an airplane."

My relatives who do live there were mortified when they said, "We are looking forward to seeing you both when you come up for the wedding," and I told them we were not invited. Then I got an invitation to "attend" online via video.

I would not want to replace my sister and act like "mother of the bride"; I just was looking forward to being there to honor my sister. Even my brother-in-law thought my niece was wrong, and apologized. Should she have handled it differently?

GENTLE READER: Protocols for weddings -- and pandemics, it seems -- have a tendency to favor the personal preferences and biases of the rule-maker, not necessarily science or familial loyalty.

If one makes an exception for an individual, the dictators will plead, they will have to do so for all.

Miss Manners agrees that your niece was particularly insensitive to your situation and should have instituted a new rule to include you. One, perhaps, that favors aunts who are vaccinated over maskless friends who are just there for fun.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a number of good friends who are gourmet cooks and host meals in their homes, to which I am often invited. I, on the other hand, am an indifferent cook whose dinner parties have become legendary for how awful they were.

Rather than continuing to inflict these meals on my friends, I started inviting them to dinner at restaurants at my expense, which they seemed to enjoy. Now that dinner parties and restaurant visits are difficult, it occurs to me that I may have been rude in not inviting people to my home.

Once we start socializing again, is it proper to reciprocate my friends' hospitality with restaurant dinners? Or should I use this time of isolation to work on my cooking skills?

GENTLE READER: Both. But if your culinary skills prove hopeless -- or you cannot take the ridicule after efforts to improve them -- restaurant or takeout dinners at your home are also acceptable. They may be particularly welcome, Miss Manners notes, after months of being without them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are friendly with two younger couples from our neighborhood. Each of them planned to get married in the summer of 2020, but decided to delay their events until this summer in the hope that vaccinations would be common. We got to know each of these couples better during the pandemic through socially distanced patio visits, while their new puppies learned manners from our older dogs.

Neither of the couples knows the other. We have now received "save the date" announcements from both couples for the same date in August. Both weddings will be outdoors, and we'd definitely like to attend.

But one of the weddings will be in a town an hour southeast of us, and the other will be an hour and a half southwest. If we try to attend both, we'd be spending at least four hours on the road that day and would likely miss a good portion of each wedding.

We genuinely like both of the couples and would like to wish them well. Your suggestions on how we might handle this situation would be most appreciated.

GENTLE READER: There are many problems that Miss Manners can solve, but how to be in two places at once is not, alas, among them. Shortchanging both couples, by trying to please everyone, will create wear and tear on your friendships -- as well as your car.

Better to choose one wedding and regretfully decline the other. How to do so without giving offense is a problem Miss Manners can solve: Accept the invitation that arrives first. Assuming that the invitations arrive within days of one another, she promises not to check the postmark if you secretly choose the one that you prefer -- so long as you promise never to confess.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This happened a long time back, but still bothers me.

I used to work at an overseas office with five other people, including my supervisor. On a couple of occasions, our manager in the U.S. sent gifts to all the staff members, but somehow I was left out. When she visited us in person, she again brought gifts for everyone but me. Just like the rest of the staff, I had a good working relationship with her.

Each time this happened, my supervisor simply watched the whole thing with a sheepish smile, but never said anything to the manager. Would it have been out of place for my supervisor to have asked why I was left out?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Asking why you were left out assumes that the act was intentional.

Even if it was, this approach makes an accusation and demands a defense -- hardly something you could expect your supervisor, who could not raise the issue in a nonconfrontational way, to do.

If, instead, you are asking Miss Manners what you should have done, her answer is: convinced your supervisor to tell the manager about the mistake, because she would be embarrassed if no one gave her the opportunity to correct it.

This might have motivated your supervisor to act -- and in a way that would have solved the problem. Or it might have led to your discovering what was really going on -- and who knew.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My people-pleasing nature is at war with my desire to chase my dreams.

Several months ago, I started working for a lovely family as their nanny. I have grown to love each member of the household as dear friends. However, the job no longer aligns with my financial goals and energy budget.

At the time of my interview, I was clear about vacation time, guaranteed hours, sick time and my need to leave promptly to work on my business that I'm creating. It took them several months to "review" the contract I thought we'd agreed upon. They removed all PTO and created an IOU system for when I need to go home sick.

This is illegal to do in my state. Although their contract has since expired, they keep mentioning our sitting down to review a new one. And the last "family sit-down" resulted in husband and wife yelling at each other, further keeping me past my allotted time.

I am now regularly kept there two to three hours late, unpaid, because they "lost track of time." Due to many comments I have heard, said to both me and their kids, I do not believe they will stay in touch after my employment.

I have thought about bringing up my old expectations, but they seem to lack the ability to listen to my needs. Everything is negotiated with offers of things I do not need or want. They also triangulate their issues with me in the middle.

How do I gracefully exit this position now, so that I don't continue to sacrifice my business goals for this family of likely future strangers that I once cared deeply for?

GENTLE READER: How do you quit? Tell them you have so enjoyed working for them but have decided, now that your contract has expired, to concentrate on your business full-time. Then leave.

Miss Manners would have advised this even if you wanted to extend your employment with them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker walked into my office while I was in the middle of a task. I said "one moment, please" while I finished typing the line I was on.

She seemed taken aback by my asking for time to finish something so as not to lose my place.

What does etiquette dictate one do in this instance? Drop what you are doing and immediately attend to someone who walks into your office? Or is a request for a moment appropriate?

GENTLE READER: Entering another person's office without an invitation is an imposition, and therefore asking that person to wait is not impolite.

That said, Miss Manners realizes that the word "co-worker" -- which implies an equality of rank -- is sometimes used indiscriminately. And that not all bosses are enlightened enough to think that a brief wait may be in their own interest, as it increases their worker's efficiency.

Of course, if you did not want to be interrupted, you could be truly revolutionary and close your office door.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)