DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the thinking these days on who in a couple signs a greeting card?

A few years ago, I had some surgery and missed a family gathering. My sister very nicely sent a "get well" card, signed by all four of the women at the get-together, on behalf of themselves and their husbands. In two of the couples, it is the husband I am related to.

I have to admit that I was a little shocked that everybody didn't sign their own names in this day and age. Like, they were all sitting right there, together.

An aside: When I was married, my husband would never sign a card I was sending, but pitched a fit if I refused to sign a card he was sending. I was confused by that.

GENTLE READER: You will forgive Miss Manners if she pitches her own fit over the impersonal nature of greeting cards in the first place. Adding eight signatures to it feels even more insulting -- as if a treaty is being signed, not a wish for a swift recovery.

The proper thing to do is to write the words out -- and Miss Manners is sorry to tell you, but only one person can do that. However, you can add, "Tito adds his wish that you get better soon."

Yes, one person in the couple is going to get off easy. So Miss Manners suggests that you take turns or trade doing this for another task.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I worked diligently to encourage good manners in our boys as they were growing up, and now that they are adults, we feel generally pleased with their progress -- except for one new thing.

They have both begun to eat terribly fast, and not just when grabbing a midday sandwich while working remotely. Even in nice restaurants, we watch them tear into their meals, finishing as my wife and I are just starting. They aren't messy, just fast.

We have mentioned this discreetly to both of them, explaining how their speed can leave others feeling uneasy, while depriving the table of welcome conversation. But they don't seem to see it as a real problem, and always forget when we again share a meal.

Is there something good-natured, but still "impactful," that my wife or I can say when this occurs? (Obviously only when it's just the four of us; we wouldn't embarrass them in front of other guests.)

GENTLE READER: Parents, even of adult children, are still entitled to express concern over health and manners. But the former may be easier for those children to ... ahem ... digest.

"Wow. You boys must be hungry, but I am worried that with your speedy eating, you might choke. Please try to slow down so that we can all enjoy the meal and conversation together." If this is not effective, Miss Manners feels certain that eating like this in front of potential romantic partners may prove more so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have about a dozen fruit trees at our home. We fertilize, prune and care for them ourselves. When the fruit is on the trees, we have invited a few specific people, usually from our church, to come pick some.

When I invited one church member to come and get some fruit, imagine my surprise when she arrived with a caravan of folks, none of whom I knew! The person I'd invited said, in a very loud voice in front of everyone, "Well, you can see I brought friends."

One of the children in the group was climbing the trees, and I was horrified -- especially since lawyers in our area like to heavily advertise the large settlements they win for clients.

This group nearly stripped the trees. Obviously, I will never invite her again, but is there anything that I could have said to discourage this at the time?

GENTLE READER: As your church acquaintance was smugly aware of her rudeness, the only thing Miss Manners would have done is agreed with her: "Yes, we weren't expecting such a large crowd and thorough picking of our fruit. It looks like we may not have enough left for the pie I was hoping to make for everyone later. The children would have particularly enjoyed it after their exhausting and dangerous climbs."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the age of 85, I have a number of digestive problems, including acid reflux and lactose intolerance. I am fortunate to have many friends at this age and stage of life, and while I enjoy getting together for dinner, I prefer to avoid eating at people's homes. I know the host/hostess will go to a great deal of trouble to prepare food, and I am often unable to eat it.

Announcing my situation in advance can cause a problem for the hosts, who choose to allow it to dictate the menu. Not explaining my problem causes me great embarrassment when confronted with a plate of food I cannot eat.

How can I gracefully respond to these invitations without revealing my food issues and answering a barrage of questions? I don't like making an issue of what I can and cannot eat.

Refusing the invitation without giving an honest reason seems to convey not wanting to get together. Responding that I am unavailable at the date/time suggested often is met with an offer to change the date/time. Suggesting that we meet in a restaurant instead seems rude, since I am controlling and changing their plans.

How would you handle these invitations in my position?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not usually condone hijacking invitations, yours is a good reason for an exception.

"You know what? It has been too long since I have had you and the tree-shaping club over for dinner. Why don't we do it at my house this time?"

Yes, you are still usurping plans, but in a gracious way. And it is far more appetizing, as you say, than telling them the real reason behind the change.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been living life for other people for the last 20-something years. I've decided to take a risk and sell everything to move to a bigger city. I've always taken care of my family and friends, but I'm doing this for me.

While I do have friends and support in the new city, I haven't told anyone here. Am I required to let my family and friends here know I am moving? I know if I tell them, they will convince me to stay. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Without knowing the particulars of the relationships you are fleeing, Miss Manners cannot give more than general advice: Telling distant friends and relations your new address only after you unpack in the new city is perfectly acceptable. Spouses, dependents and dogs usually deserve advance notice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I suffered an injury that resulted in the necessity of several surgeries and a large cast on my hand for a period of several months (and counting).

Since my accident, I have literally not left the house a single time without at least one person asking me what happened. I find it very rude and invasive, and why would strangers want to know my medical history, anyway?

I usually respond with a terse "I had an accident" or "I injured my hand" and leave it at that. But some people then continue to press for specifics.

I am at a loss as to how to respond to their rude question without resorting to rudeness myself. "None of your business. Quit being nosy" is what I feel like saying (but wouldn't). Can Miss Manners please help me come up with a better response?

GENTLE READER: Just as you need not satisfy their curiosity at the expense of your own privacy, you are under no obligation to provide such people with variety. "I injured my hand," can be repeated, without rancor or even inflection, as many times as even the nosiest person can ask.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear college friend and I text one to two times a week. When I was going through some old things, I came across a memento of our time together. I mailed it to him and, via tracking, I know that it was delivered to the correct address.

We continue to text weekly, but he has not mentioned it. This is wholly unlike him. He is always proper. I thought perhaps he was out of town when it was delivered, but it's been three weeks.

I feel uncomfortable asking him if he received a package from me. What to do?

GENTLE READER: Your discomfort cannot be because it would be unmannerly, Miss Manners' area of expertise.

"Did you get it? What did you think? Isn't it funny that I found it after all these years? Do you remember that trip?" Etiquette has no objection to your using any one of these questions -- or all four, so long as they are part of a single, breathless inquiry.

But do omit the part about checking the tracking, which, though perfectly rational, tends to raise the hairs on the back of one's neck.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)