DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a large indoor/outdoor music festival. Many concertgoers understandably wear huge hats for shade at the outdoor stages. However, they often keep their hats on at the indoor sit-down stages, too.
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At one show, someone at an indoor stage sat down directly in front of me and did not remove their huge hat. My view of the stage was completely blocked. There was no other seat in the house for me to move to.
Would it have been OK for me to tap them on the shoulder and politely ask them to remove their hat? My assumption is that it simply did not occur to them they were blocking someone’s view and would gladly have removed their hat if reminded.
GENTLE READER: Funny, that is exactly the way it is supposed to work: You presumed that the person was unaware that they were inconveniencing you, and you could have called this to their attention politely and quietly, without any hint of accusation -- believing that they would be grateful to be told of an inadvertent transgression that could be easily corrected.
It is called Presumption of Goodwill.
And it has practically disappeared from public behavior.
Miss Manners is sad to have to tell you that it would be far more common, nowadays, for the complaint to be worded as an insult, and the reaction to be a declaration of the offender’s right to offend. When everyone is spoiling for a fight, the result is an unpleasant public.
Miss Manners wishes you had risked making a polite request. You might have received a polite response -- and you would have been able to see the stage.