DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live in a small beach community. Five years ago, we met a lovely couple who have a vacation home across the street. We are all semi-retired. They are both gourmet chefs and entertainers, and invite us over about eight times a year.
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It’s always fun. They also invite other couples for dinner throughout the year on other nights.
We usually take them some small gift of flowers or a book, and have taken them out on three different occasions, but we aren’t the same level of skilled chefs, and the layout of their house works better for gatherings.
I’ve talked to them many times about taking them out to reciprocate, but they say "no need" and seem happiest as the hosts. Should I just accept that? It seems like we owe them something for their generosity.
GENTLE READER: While one is not absolutely required to reciprocate in kind, some form of reciprocation to hospitality is only polite.
Miss Manners agrees that you are not required to chase them down the street with takeout menus, but general expressions of intent are not invitations. "We would love to take you out sometime," if abandoned at the first “Really, there is no need,” is not a proper invitation.
If you keep accepting their dinner invitations, you will have to issue real invitations of your own -- such as, “We would love to take you to dinner at Maxim’s. How is next Friday or Saturday?”