DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have vegan relatives, and when we go to their home, they prepare only vegan foods. If it is a three-day visit, we eat the same boring foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When they come to my home, I always provide vegan dishes. Shouldn’t they provide non-vegan dishes for me, too? Or do I have to bring my own?

GENTLE READER: Sorry, but your turnaround does not work here. That is because a moral issue is involved: If your relatives believe it is wrong to kill living things for food, you would be asking them to violate this by providing such food for you. You do not violate any such principles when you provide vegan food for them.

And bringing food they consider morally objectionable into their house is not the solution.

What about hosts’ obligation to please their guests? Nope -- again, not at the sacrifice of their morals.

Still, Miss Manners would like to be helpful. You can get temporary relief by being a good guest, and one way to do that is to relieve your hosts of the work of at least one meal. Locate a restaurant nearby that serves both vegan and non-vegan food, and take them out.

Another way is to relieve them, temporarily, of your company. No matter how much hosts like their guests, they also like to have a few minutes to themselves. So identify a time when they have not made plans, say, “We thought we’d take a little drive around,” and head for the nearest hamburger joint.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I just learned that we are pregnant with our first child. We’re very excited!

As it happens, a close friend’s wedding is in a few weeks and (if all goes well) that will be right around the time we will be ready to share the news. Many of our friends who will be at the wedding, including the bride and groom, live in other states, and this will be a rare opportunity to tell them about the baby in person.

Of course, we would just let people know as we see them over the weekend -- not with a big announcement and not at the actual wedding. Is that appropriate? Or should we just let the weekend be all about the happy couple and tell our friends over the phone later on?

GENTLE READER: It is very delicate of you to worry about this. But is it really that easy to upstage a couple at their own wedding?

Miss Manners knows that people, mostly bridal couples, worry about that. There they will be, in their wedding finery, reciting lifetime vows, and their relatives and closest friends will be easily distracted by signs of anyone else having a life. Or even of wearing something that doesn’t fit with the color scheme.

Yes, you should not grab a microphone and demand to be applauded. But surely the gathering of a family is a fine opportunity to spread good news.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I frequently host meals for 10 to 20 guests, both personally and professionally. We have a debate over whether to put out spoons for meals when we are not serving soup.

My spouse contends that spoons may be used for things other than soup (e.g. spreads, or the last bits of thin sauces). I prefer not to set out spoons in order to save on the volume of dishwashing (or waste, if using disposable utensils, although we have switched to compostable ones).

We have agreed to abide by your determination: spoons at every meal, or only when soup is being served?

GENTLE READER: Stop! Please do not put out those superfluous spoons! You are making trouble for Miss Manners.

In a world besmirched by incivility, many people believe that etiquette -- that is, the rules of moderate restraint in the interest of community harmony -- is a snobbish way of humiliating honest people. Further, they include table manners in this nasty sport.

Lamentation over “which fork to use” is still cited as a trap, although it has been more than a century since highly specialized flatware was in use. And people should be minding their own plates.

A correct table setting consists of only the items necessary for the food to be consumed, laid out in an outside-to-inside pattern. That’s it. Please.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a foot condition that requires me to wear orthopedic shoes. If I don’t, it’s very painful. My husband and I have a no-shoes rule in our house, and some of our friends do as well.

I have had slippers made so I can be comfortable in my own home. When we visited these friends, I brought a pair of my slippers so I could wear them in their house. Our friend refused to let me wear them because I also wear them in my own home, so they must have dirt and grime on them.

I have more than one pair, so I’m able to wash them at least once a week, which I told her. She insisted I wear the slippers she provided, so I did, and was in pain all night.

Was I rude to bring my own, as she insinuated?

GENTLE READER: That is some friend you have. She doesn’t trust your word when you say that your slippers are clean, and she would rather you be in pain all evening than risk dirt on her floor.

Miss Manners has heard from other people with their own reasons for not removing their shoes indoors. She hopes you are as tolerant of them as one would expect others -- especially friends -- to be of you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I really feel badly when I am in front of an elderly or disabled person on an elevator and I step out of ahead of him or her. However, it is awkward and creates major traffic problems if I step back into the crowd. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Get off the elevator.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response to someone who is very vocal when you are driving, and not in a way that is helpful? For example, when I am driving us to a restaurant and we pull into the parking lot, they will tell me I could have used a closer entrance. (I may or may not have seen the other entrance, but either way, it really didn’t matter.) Or when parking, they will speak up about every parking space I pass. (I like parking spaces with adequate room around them. Plus, walking a little farther doesn’t hurt anyone.)

I have more than one friend who does these things every time I drive, and it is really getting on my nerves. My typical response is a casual, “I know what I’m doing,” to which I’ll receive a somewhat snarky response about saving time. (Seriously, like 10 seconds?)

Is there something else I should be saying?

GENTLE READER: “Let’s make a rule: When I am driving -- unless I’m about to run someone over -- I get to navigate and figure out parking. When you drive, you can.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I loathe dogs, but I live in a dog-lover's paradise. How can I let neighbors and strangers know that I don’t want to pet their dog or let it sniff me?

"I’m allergic" is dishonest. "I don’t like dogs" sounds like something is wrong with me. "Dogs just aren’t my thing" is not very clear.

I survived an abusive childhood where my parents sicced dogs on me, but I should not have to explain this.

I get it that people love their pets and consider them "family," and I don’t mind standing around and chatting with the dogs present. I just don't want to get closer.

What can I say that politely gets pet owners to, well, call off the dogs?

GENTLE READER: “I’m afraid that dogs and I don’t always get along. If you don’t mind, I will keep my distance.” We must hope that the implication that the dogs keep theirs, as well, is understood.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband insists on getting up to start cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes the minute he takes his last bite of dinner. Often, I am still eating. I have frequently asked for the 15-minute rule: no cleaning up, no doing dishes and no putting the food away until 15 minutes after everyone is done eating.

I work all day and often come home to make dinner. Having to finish my meal with dishes clanging in the kitchen, the dishwasher opening and shutting and the refrigerator opening repeatedly is not relaxing.

I have tried to tell my husband that it’s just bad manners to start cleaning up the meal when people are still eating it.

GENTLE READER: Yes, it is. But a 15-minute respite also seems extreme. Perhaps you can get your husband to agree to let you finish your dinner, at least.

Then, if he is going to offer to clean up, Miss Manners suggests you thank him (as he will undoubtedly have thanked you for making dinner) -- and retire to another room to avoid all that clanging.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)