DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the event manager at a very sexy and trendy nightclub. We host fun parties every week.

We have a regular guest who is absolutely smitten with me, but he is not my type. I feel obligated to cordially socialize with him whenever I see him, due to the customer service standards at my job.

When it comes to relationships, I firmly believe we are all entitled to our own preferences; no one should force any kind of relationship -- physical or otherwise -- for any reason. Thankfully, my employers agree with that. We have a very strong culture of consent with regards to any liaisons that happen as a result of being at our club.

The guest in question is absolutely respectful of this safe atmosphere, and has been very gracious when I decline his advances. Yet he continues to flirt with me. While I have been able to dodge his advances so far, I can’t keep this up forever. It is simply exhausting.

How do I turn him down and maintain the social relationship? To be fair, he is a pleasant gentleman -- very sweet, actually. Just not my type.

GENTLE READER: It may surprise you to hear that Miss Manners does not share your good opinion of your employers. From your description, it sounds like the interactions between customer and employee at the club are, in fact, a key part of the success of their business.

Yet your employers assert, and you accept, that these interactions are entirely social. This burdens you with all of the work of keeping customers in line, while absolving your employers of any responsibility. This is, at best, naive, but probably very dangerous.

It is time to tell your employers that you need assistance with this particular customer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I often share a bottle of wine at a restaurant. After the first glass, he doesn’t wait for the server, just pours himself more.

He will go out of his way to finish the bottle, even if it means overfilling his glass. He responds to my shocked look with, "If you want any more, you can drink from my glass."

I think this is incredibly rude. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: In contrast to rolling stones, repeated sources of friction in relationships tend to gather all sorts of stray detritus. So let us dust this one off.

Miss Manners believes you agree that it is not a crime to finish the bottle of wine you ordered. She further assures you that refilling the glasses yourselves, without the help of the waiter, is acceptable.

You were dismayed at the sight of your husband overfilling his glass, and while his retort was rude enough, it followed your shocked look, rather than having preceded it.

Was he rude, then, not to refill your glass along with his own? Yes. What you should do is to say, “Dearest, next time, would you please refill my glass when you refill your own?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to the same man for 40 years. He has recently decided that opening doors for me, serving me first at dinner, and other forms of respect and thoughtfulness are “sexist.”

I fix dinner for him daily, do his laundry, etc. -- all of the things that a “traditional wife” does. I recently retired from a great career and am no slouch when it comes to work.

Is he right? I’m hurt and disappointed.

GENTLE READER: Fun times ahead at your place! Miss Manners is sorry to miss watching your husband’s face as he keeps discovering what it is costing him to stop opening doors for you.

He is right that many gender-specific practices are fading away. But he is unwise to mandate such changes without your consent.

Surely you had some working arrangement all these years: You have cooked and laundered, and presumably he did tasks that were considered "manly" -- servicing the car, mowing the lawn and shoveling snow, perhaps. Maybe even doing the taxes. It is quaint now even to think that way.

Between you, you could each stop performing these "traditional" tasks and bring your household to a standstill.

But the little gestures you mention are in a different category. They are symbolic, not practical. Of course you are capable of opening doors. And distinguishing behavior by gender would be damaging in a professional setting.

In private and social life, however, such customs often linger because they have acquired a certain charm. That is why, for example, a high-powered executive still might want her father to “give her away” at her wedding.

You might want to tell your husband that as the female in the marriage, you will decide what is sexist and what is harmlessly charming. You might pick his next laundry day to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When planning a party, I am sure many of us could agree it is stressful trying to get an accurate head count. How do you get the people you invited to respond in a timely fashion?

GENTLE READER: An excellent question. Please let Miss Manners know when you come up with an answer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was married last June, and apparently she has not written her thank-you notes yet. She insists that she has a year to write them, and says that that’s what Miss Manners wrote.

I cannot find where you addressed this issue. So, please, could you give us your ruling? How long after receiving a wedding gift does the happy couple have to write their thank-you notes?

GENTLE READER: Please ask your daughter to stop libeling Miss Manners. She does not countenance the extreme rudeness of ignoring a wedding present for up to a year, and she has stated this a thousand times.

Thanks should be expressed immediately upon receiving a gift. But not to be too rigid about it, Miss Manners will allow 20 minutes for the recipient to find pen and paper.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love scrapbooking and physical photo albums, and I have several proudly displayed on a shelf in my living room. We love to entertain, and while guests usually see the albums on the shelf, they rarely ask about them and almost never pull them down to look through!

The albums contain photos of family and friends through the years, and I’d love to share them. I don’t want to commit the faux pas of forcing photo albums on others, but would it be OK for me to strategically place one on my coffee table, to subtly encourage folks to look through it?

GENTLE READER: This is the lower-tech version of passing around your telephone, or, before that, showing home movies of your children’s birthday parties and family vacations. Usually, people only tolerate this in hopes of showing their own pictures.

But while Miss Manners believes you should let this notion go, she will do her duty to help you.

Sure, leave an album or two on the coffee table. But it is not as though your living room is a waiting room, where people will grab anything, even old medical journals, to read.

What you can do is tell an amusing story about one of your friends or relatives, and then ask, “Would you like to see a picture?” Your guests can hardly say no. When you open the album to the person mentioned, you can then hand it to your guest, who may or may not look more into it.

Just please promise that you will take the album back as soon as they try to return it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught by my mother that when one is being toasted, one doesn’t take a sip, as that’s rather like tooting one’s own horn.

When my spouse and I celebrated an anniversary with a party, the guests toasted us with champagne. When I didn’t sip, one of the guests asked me why, implying that my marriage wasn’t something I wanted celebrated. YIKES!

My choices were to “correct” the guest -- not one of my children -- or leave the impression that my marriage was less than toast-worthy. Neither option appealed.

How would Miss Manners have handled the situation? Or was my mother wrong all those years ago?

GENTLE READER: No, your mother was right; you should not drink to yourselves. This should be obligatory information given to couples applying for marriage licenses, because not everyone is lucky enough to have such a knowledgeable mother.

Miss Manners does not care for the snippy remark you received, even if meant as a joke. The way to head off such comments is to immediately say, “And we would like to toast our dear friends,” thus enabling you to take a legitimate sip.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twenty-five years ago, I adopted a 5-year-old boy from an overseas orphanage. Now he has made contact with his family in his native country. He has discovered he has five siblings and seven nieces and nephews.

What relationship may I claim with these folks? My intent is to recognize his siblings as children of mine as well, and his nieces and nephews as grandchildren.

Some of my relatives have objected to my doing this. We agreed that we would follow your decision. I’m hoping for your blessing!

GENTLE READER: Bless you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)