DEAR MISS MANNERS: We love our neighbors, but an increasing number of them -- parents, children or both -- are appearing at our front door to sell products for fundraising purposes. We are asked to buy cookies for the Girl Scouts, popcorn for the school team, pizza for the PTA, and so on.

The money goes to good causes, and the parents are teaching their children good values, but being put on the spot in this manner makes us uncomfortable. We end up ordering something because we feel that it is rude to say no, especially when the solicitors are our neighbors and good friends. But the price of the products is usually exorbitant, and the drain on our budget is becoming substantial.

Our children are small, but we are firm that when they grow older and are asked to press doorbells, we will not do this to our neighbors.

In the meantime, is there a polite way to respond to our friends at the door? Or should we simply take out a loan?

GENTLE READER: Even if the causes are the best, Miss Manners will have to disagree about the wholesomeness of the values being inculcated.

Teaching children to feel good about shaming and extorting their neighbors, with the justification that the funds are for a good cause, strikes her as bad policy. This conviction makes it easier for her to say “no, thank you” when she answers the door.

But if that is too difficult, you could hide behind the curtains until the fundraising neighbors move on.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette when addressing a salesperson or clerk in a retail setting?

I have worked in retail for several years and now run my own store. It is rare that am I addressed with “Excuse me,” “Good morning,” “Hello,” etc., when someone enters with a question, whether about our merchandise or for general information (e.g., directions to another store). People simply ask their question, sometimes in a rather demanding way (or at least it feels that way).

I’m glad to answer whatever questions people have. But when someone cannot begin their inquiry with a simple greeting, or phrase it along the lines of, “Could you tell me where ...?” (as opposed to “Where’s the ...?”), the interaction feels off-putting and even a bit condescending.

GENTLE READER: The proper etiquette begins (and ends, since this is a professional setting, not a social one) with any of the greetings you propose.

But Miss Manners thinks you will have more success winning over rude customers with a pleasant counter-example -- a crisp but pleasant, “Good morning! How can I help?” -- than by any indication that they have offended.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to handle it when your nose needs attention: Do you stay at the table to use a tissue, or should you excuse yourself to the restroom?

I understand the latter doesn’t offend anybody, and allows people to wash their hands. But I’ve seen plenty of people stay at the table and just use hand sanitizer afterwards.

GENTLE READER: How much attention does it need? A gentle sneeze and wipe need not require a major expedition.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the event manager at a very sexy and trendy nightclub. We host fun parties every week.

We have a regular guest who is absolutely smitten with me, but he is not my type. I feel obligated to cordially socialize with him whenever I see him, due to the customer service standards at my job.

When it comes to relationships, I firmly believe we are all entitled to our own preferences; no one should force any kind of relationship -- physical or otherwise -- for any reason. Thankfully, my employers agree with that. We have a very strong culture of consent with regards to any liaisons that happen as a result of being at our club.

The guest in question is absolutely respectful of this safe atmosphere, and has been very gracious when I decline his advances. Yet he continues to flirt with me. While I have been able to dodge his advances so far, I can’t keep this up forever. It is simply exhausting.

How do I turn him down and maintain the social relationship? To be fair, he is a pleasant gentleman -- very sweet, actually. Just not my type.

GENTLE READER: It may surprise you to hear that Miss Manners does not share your good opinion of your employers. From your description, it sounds like the interactions between customer and employee at the club are, in fact, a key part of the success of their business.

Yet your employers assert, and you accept, that these interactions are entirely social. This burdens you with all of the work of keeping customers in line, while absolving your employers of any responsibility. This is, at best, naive, but probably very dangerous.

It is time to tell your employers that you need assistance with this particular customer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I often share a bottle of wine at a restaurant. After the first glass, he doesn’t wait for the server, just pours himself more.

He will go out of his way to finish the bottle, even if it means overfilling his glass. He responds to my shocked look with, "If you want any more, you can drink from my glass."

I think this is incredibly rude. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: In contrast to rolling stones, repeated sources of friction in relationships tend to gather all sorts of stray detritus. So let us dust this one off.

Miss Manners believes you agree that it is not a crime to finish the bottle of wine you ordered. She further assures you that refilling the glasses yourselves, without the help of the waiter, is acceptable.

You were dismayed at the sight of your husband overfilling his glass, and while his retort was rude enough, it followed your shocked look, rather than having preceded it.

Was he rude, then, not to refill your glass along with his own? Yes. What you should do is to say, “Dearest, next time, would you please refill my glass when you refill your own?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to the same man for 40 years. He has recently decided that opening doors for me, serving me first at dinner, and other forms of respect and thoughtfulness are “sexist.”

I fix dinner for him daily, do his laundry, etc. -- all of the things that a “traditional wife” does. I recently retired from a great career and am no slouch when it comes to work.

Is he right? I’m hurt and disappointed.

GENTLE READER: Fun times ahead at your place! Miss Manners is sorry to miss watching your husband’s face as he keeps discovering what it is costing him to stop opening doors for you.

He is right that many gender-specific practices are fading away. But he is unwise to mandate such changes without your consent.

Surely you had some working arrangement all these years: You have cooked and laundered, and presumably he did tasks that were considered "manly" -- servicing the car, mowing the lawn and shoveling snow, perhaps. Maybe even doing the taxes. It is quaint now even to think that way.

Between you, you could each stop performing these "traditional" tasks and bring your household to a standstill.

But the little gestures you mention are in a different category. They are symbolic, not practical. Of course you are capable of opening doors. And distinguishing behavior by gender would be damaging in a professional setting.

In private and social life, however, such customs often linger because they have acquired a certain charm. That is why, for example, a high-powered executive still might want her father to “give her away” at her wedding.

You might want to tell your husband that as the female in the marriage, you will decide what is sexist and what is harmlessly charming. You might pick his next laundry day to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When planning a party, I am sure many of us could agree it is stressful trying to get an accurate head count. How do you get the people you invited to respond in a timely fashion?

GENTLE READER: An excellent question. Please let Miss Manners know when you come up with an answer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was married last June, and apparently she has not written her thank-you notes yet. She insists that she has a year to write them, and says that that’s what Miss Manners wrote.

I cannot find where you addressed this issue. So, please, could you give us your ruling? How long after receiving a wedding gift does the happy couple have to write their thank-you notes?

GENTLE READER: Please ask your daughter to stop libeling Miss Manners. She does not countenance the extreme rudeness of ignoring a wedding present for up to a year, and she has stated this a thousand times.

Thanks should be expressed immediately upon receiving a gift. But not to be too rigid about it, Miss Manners will allow 20 minutes for the recipient to find pen and paper.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)