DEAR HARRIETTE: Occasionally, when I go to my local coffee shop, my order isn't made correctly, and I can't drink it. I have a very strong dairy allergy, and upon ordering, I always make sure that I ask for a dairy-free alternative twice when ordering, but sometimes I see the barista using regular milk for my drink. It's frustrating to me because I've said something before and have gotten dirty looks from the baristas. It is not my fault that they're messing up my order! I hate having to act like a hawk whenever my drink is being made, but I become timid when it comes to returning it. I have had to pay to get another drink made because the coffee shop does not own up to its mistake. I feel as though I have the right to get my order made properly, and I have not taken a sip of the coffee that was given to me anyway. How can I assert myself? Should I be reminding the barista that I am dairy-free as they are making my drink? -- Very Allergic, Chicago

DEAR VERY ALLERGIC: Don't trust the baristas with pouring your milk anymore. Order the coffee black, and request milk substitute that you put in yourself. Or, since you are highly allergic, carry dry creamer with you so that you are 100 percent sure of what you are putting in your beverage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father makes present-giving difficult for the family and me. He renounces presents that aren't homemade. I have painted, made elaborate pickles and even tried creating ceramics for him, but these days, I do not have the time to hunt down a creative project for every occasion I give him gifts. He does not make me homemade presents, but he expects everyone to put in hours of time to create him a present. Admittedly, some years were very fun to spend creating a gift, but I think there should be leeway as we get older. I do not want to upset my father, but we will not always be able to carve out hours for a present. Could I buy him a present with a handmade card? He has never liked store-bought presents my whole life, but I think it is time for a change. -- Store-Bought is Fastest, Annapolis, Maryland

DEAR STORE-BOUGHT IS FASTEST: Let me start by saying that spending a few hours creating a gift for your father shouldn't be a chore. Consider it a privilege. And refresh your thinking about what to give him. My sister started making digital calendars and mugs with family pictures on them. In this way, the family gets a record of the activities of family members over the course of the year. It is partially homemade and loaded with sentiment. Another idea is to write your father a note detailing the activities of the year and expressing your gratitude for reaching the turning point of another year. You can thank him for his presence in your life and express your love. That's called making memories.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy New Year! It is truly a blessing to cross into a brand new year. For all of us who have made it to this moment in our lives, it is worth it to pause and reflect. Take a few moments to count your blessings and to acknowledge all of the good that surrounds you. Know that this is true whether you are suffering or if you are experiencing bounty right now.

Grace is always present in the world, but it is essential that we remember right now. In order to live a fulfilled and honorable life, you have to change the proverbial lens in your glasses. You need to look through the lens of love in order to walk in that supportive space. Otherwise, it is easy to get lost and to make bad decisions. When you aren't seeing or thinking straight, it is also easy to overlook red flags.

I dropped my daughter off at school the other day, and on the way home, I noticed a street sign -- one of the yellow signs with an image of a male and female crossing the street, a sign often posted near a school. At the bottom of the sign is the word "AHEAD." The message was to beware of pedestrians crossing in front of you. Well, the sign had been defaced, the "A" in AHEAD being replaced with "BE" to spell "BEHEAD." If that wasn't enough, the female figure had her head greyed out as if she had been beheaded. I was horrified. Ironically, this now-defaced sign stands across the street from one of the largest cathedrals in the United States, St. John the Divine.

I cringed, then immediately made a firmer conscious commitment to choose to do everything I can to walk in the light and not succumb to the hatred and negativity that seem to be festering all around us. Practically, I called 311 to report it. I mention this example because I could have made a different choice. It would have been so easy either to get hysterical -- to no end -- or to be passive and do or say nothing. Taking action was required, and further action may still be needed until this sign of terrorism is removed. Being responsible was required, because, as my parents taught me, each of us is responsible for ourselves, for our neighbors and for our communities. That means that we have to stand up for truth and goodness and against hatred at every turn. This is true whether the negativity is festering at home, at work or on a street along your way. When you look through the lens of love, you see what doesn't support the unity of humankind. Even more, you gain the strength to access the ability to speak up when necessary.

To live in love is to take care of your environment and the people who live in it. I believe this is a requirement for all of us as we walk into 2016. It is the way that we can honor and protect all of us!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am engaged to the woman I love (and whom my family loves) and have been for about a year. Recently, my ex-girlfriend came back from Asia, and I have not been able to shake the feeling that I should see her. I have always thought of her as "the one who got away," and we broke up because her adventurous spirit did not match mine. We promised to reconnect after she was done traveling. This was roughly 8 years ago. I know I am engaged, but I would like to try to see my ex-girlfriend. I am not sure if she remembers our promise, or if this is a good idea. Should I try to reconnect with the one who got away? I am not sure if she feels the same way about me. -- Torn, Seattle

DEAR TORN: If your commitment to your fiancee is being shaken by the thought of your ex, then perhaps you should make plans to see her to figure out what you want to do with your life. The worst thing that you could do is marry your fiancee and later meet up with this woman and decide to leave your wife for her. Before taking any action, figure out where your heart is. That includes looking closely at the life you are building with your fiancee. What about it do you value? Can you envision having a family with her? If so, is it worth it to run after a phantom from your past? What do you imagine will happen if you reconnect with your old flame? If you feel like you have to find out, do so with haste. Make a decision quickly that respects everyone involved. Whatever happens, do not disrespect your engagement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends has very poor money-management skills. She spends a lot of her money online shopping and then laments how she only has $40 left to feed herself for the rest of the week. I have suggested she spend more time looking at her bank statements to see exactly where her money goes. I have also suggested only going out to shop, instead of having the convenience of online shopping, but none of my suggestions seem to work. I feel bad, but I refuse to lend my carefully budgeted money to her. She does not have a job and relies on her parents to give her money. She gets into fights with her parents about how she spends her finances. I want to help, but I cannot do much to help when she ignores my tips. How can I help my friend with money management? -- She's Broke, Atlanta

DEAR SHE'S BROKE: Simply put, you can't help your friend. She may have to hit rock bottom before she figures out how to be responsible for herself. As difficult as it may be for you, you must step back and let her live her life. You may need to create space between you two. Do not give her any money. She has to live her own life, no matter how painful it is for you to watch.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)