DEAR HARRIETTE: I am dating a woman who is “one of the guys.” It’s a long-distance relationship for the two of us, which complicates things to start, but my issue is that she has this group of guys she hangs out with, and she gets all glammed up to hang out with them, drinking all night and laughing it up. Worse still, the guys she tends to hang with I consider to be thuggish. It worries me that this is how she spends her time -- especially since they often go out and get drunk. I am concerned about her safety and even about her choices. I don’t want to sound like the overprotective boyfriend, but her behavior disturbs me. She says I should stop being so jealous and paranoid. How can I get her to see that she might be in danger? -- Not One of the Boys

DEAR NOT ONE OF THE BOYS: For a relationship to work, you need to foster shared values. This is always true, and it's glaringly important when your bond is long-distance. How each of you spends your free time matters. Yes, you should trust each other, but trust is earned. It is fair that you re concerned that your girlfriend is dressed up and drinking with a group of guys on a regular basis. Even the best-behaved people can loosen up under the influence of alcohol.

The thing is, you cannot control her behavior. You probably do sound jealous and paranoid. You believe it is for good reason, while she brushes it off. It is hard for you to make ultimatums from a distance. What you have to decide is what you are willing to accept. Stop badgering her. That never works. If you can’t accept her extracurricular activities, you will have to determine if this is a deal breaker. Or is it time for the two of you to live in the same town? Talk values, and make up your mind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was married to a man almost 30 years ago. We have spoken only once, for legal purposes, since then, although once I did send him a note of apology about how I had behaved at the end of our marriage. I found a copy of that note recently, and I realize that even then I was blaming him for the demise of our marriage, when it wasn’t that simple. I was wrong, too, and I treated him terribly. I know that now, and I feel like I owe him a true apology. I’m not interested in being friends with him. I just think I should own up to my horrible behavior way back then. Do you think he will appreciate receiving a note of apology from me so many years later? -- Delayed Regrets

DEAR DELAYED REGRETS: The notion of making amends is powerful when it is deeply considered and completely transparent. If you can find your ex’s contact information, write him a letter of apology. Admit your role in the demise of your marriage. Be forthright about how you behaved and how sorry you are for however you hurt him. Tell him that even though many years have passed, you have not forgotten that you were unkind, and you are sincerely sorry for any pain you may have caused him. Express your hope that he has built a good life for himself. Wish him well. Do not ask to re-engage in any way with him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a single friend in her 40s who has a good job and is a solid person. She told me that she is researching adopting a child. She says she loves her job and her life, but she always wanted to have children and doesn’t want to miss that chance. She wants me to support this idea.

I have two children and am a single mom, though I didn’t start out that way. I love my kids, but it is hard to manage my life, work and children. I bet this woman will be a great mom, but she needs to build a network of support. We are not close, and I cannot sign up for childcare. What can I say to her that will be supportive? -- Adopting a Child

DEAR ADOPTING A CHILD: You can be a sounding board without becoming a backup caregiver. This woman has reached out to you probably because you have children and are a single mom. You have firsthand understanding of what it takes to rear children, work and attempt to have a life. Speak honestly with her about your experiences so that she has a clear picture of what she is facing. Encourage her to talk to other moms about theirs. As you know, many women and men succeed at being single parents, despite the challenges.

If she is prepared to navigate this amazing experience, encourage her to identify and cultivate her network of support. Let her know that you do not believe you can be an active part of that network. You are stretched as far as you can go -- for now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has started wearing nail polish. He has always been artistic, but this is a new practice. He is 16 years old and quite independent as he comes close to the end of high school. I know he wants to explore his personality and interests without our intervention, but I am curious about the polish. I know it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is gay, but I do wonder about this choice and what is on his mind. I am open to whoever my son is becoming, and I want him to talk to me. How can I get him to open up? If he is gay or exploring it, I want to know that, too. -- What Nail Polish Means

DEAR WHAT NAIL POLISH MEANS: Stop making assumptions and talk to your son. Ask him why he started wearing nail polish. Listen to see what he says. While most straight men may not wear colored nail polish, polish itself is no clear sign of someone’s sexual orientation. At my nail salon, for example, at least 30 percent of the men coming for manicures and pedicures appear to be straight men who care about their grooming.

If you are curious about your son’s sexual orientation, ask him directly and without judgment. Tell him you want to be able to support him as he becomes a man, so you want to know what is going on in his life. Encourage him to open up to you. Know that nail polish may only be a sign of creative exploration of his personality.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a freelancer friend who has been struggling a lot in recent years. I feel bad for him -- he is trying as hard as he knows how, but it’s not working. He can’t pay his bills; his friends have chipped in as we can, but it is clear that he has to make a shift in how he earns money. Several of us have sent job postings his way, but so far, he hasn’t seemed interested.

I suggested he get a part-time job with Uber or Lyft or some other taxi service. I see so many people -- including immigrants -- earning money in jobs like that. Why can’t he? I have even seen a few guys in my neighborhood drive for a while and then open up their own small businesses. My friend seems to have a mental block around this, though. How can I help him? -- Needing New Vision

DEAR NEEDING NEW VISION: Your friend may need a bit of tough love. He is not facing reality if he hasn’t figured out that what he is doing is not working. Because those who love him have helped out whenever they could, he has been able to get by. Perhaps it is time for you to stop with the financial aid.

Remind him that you know many people, including immigrants in your neighborhood, who have gotten creative and chosen to take jobs that pay the bills, even if they aren’t first-choice jobs. Point out that we are not our work. He doesn’t have to identify with the job. He may just need to do something like that in order to tide himself over as he searches for other work. Tell him that you love him and that you see how hard it is for him to come to terms with how tough things are for him right now.

You can also suggest that he go to the local unemployment office. While he may not qualify for unemployment insurance, he may learn about job opportunities in his community as well as job trainings that may help him transition into a paying gig.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter sleeps whenever she has the chance. On the weekends, she will sleep until 1 p.m. -- or later. I had allowed this because I know how hard she works at her studies, and she did very well on her midterms. But now I am a bit worried. When you sleep half the day away, it’s hard to have enough time to get your chores done and be engaged in the world. I have been told that teens sometimes need more sleep because they are still growing. What do you think about this? -- Too Much Sleep

DEAR TOO MUCH SLEEP: A ton of research has been conducted on teens and sleep patterns. Growth may be a factor, but what resonates more is that the hormonal changes in their bodies affect their internal clocks, making it necessary for their bodies to rest more. At the same time, teens often struggle between social pressures of engaging their friends and social media, and doing homework and housework. Striking a balance can be tough even for adults. For teens, it’s a new experience.

Encourage a daily routine for the week and a different one for weekends that you help your teen to follow. For more ideas, go to: uclahealth.org/sleepcenter/sleep-and-teens.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)