Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started a job that involves a lot of travel. I was given a company credit card but was told that I have to pay for my own food and charge the company back for a small percentage of it. Basically, they provide us with a tiny per diem. Worse than that, though, is that on my third trip out, I discovered that my company credit card didn’t work because the company hadn’t paid the bill. I ended up having to use my personal credit card. I am still waiting to be reimbursed. How can I address this with my boss? I need this job, but I can’t afford to fund my travel. I’m on the road several times a month. What can I say or do to correct this? -- Can’t Float the Job

DEAR CAN’T FLOAT THE JOB: Request a private meeting with your boss to explain the situation. Be honest and state that you cannot afford to pay for your travel and be reimbursed at a later time. Point out how frequent the travel is for your company. Be strong and clear when you tell your boss how enthusiastic you are about being on the road and doing a good job, but complete the thought by asking for the credit card debt to be handled so that you are able to go back out there. You may want to ask for your room to be pre-paid in the future so that you avoid having the same problem.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw your advice to the lady who wanted to quit wearing high heels, and I thought it was very good advice. Unfortunately, it is too late for me. I, too, am short and started wearing 5- or 6-inch stiletto heels every day at 18. I worked in retail for many, many years and was on my feet all day long in my heels.

I am now 56 years old, and I am stuck in high heels, despite the fact they hurt. My back, legs and feet have numerous problems. My Achilles tendon has tightened so much that I am stuck in high heels and must wear them whenever I stand, otherwise I stand on my tiptoes. I can't put my heels on the ground anymore. A doctor told me I would need surgery, but my health insurance will only cover pennies on the dollar.

Please warn other women not to get too caught up in high heels, and if they do, stretch their bodies to maintain flexibility. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get into my 70s or 80s and have to totter around in 5-inch heels! -- Permanently Stuck in Heels and Scared

DEAR PERMANENTLY STUCK IN HEELS AND SCARED: Thank you for your cautionary tale. I do hope that other women out there who find themselves in a similar predicament will take heed.

For you, check with teaching hospitals in your area. Sometimes, these hospitals will accept patients at much lower fees in exchange for allowing the students to observe or operate on the patients themselves. I know several people who have had successful surgeries performed at such medical establishments for free or close to free -- for everything from dental surgery to cancer surgery. You can trust them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Merry Christmas! On this day and throughout this week, we historically choose to celebrate. While this is a Christian holiday, it has become a marker for the time of year when family and friends pause from work and school and choose to spend time together. Yes, it can also represent the time when people spend way too much money lavishing each other with gifts.

My prayer is that every one of us will take a few minutes today and throughout the days leading up to the end of the year to practice gratitude. Let’s ask ourselves what brings us joy and happiness. Identify that for yourself, and allow the notion of it to flourish.

At the end of the year, many people become emotional and reflective. Yes, it is good to think about your life and your choices. It is also important to count your blessings and to actively choose to be grateful for all of the blessings in your life. When I proclaim that, I mean it for every single one of you. Recognizing that you have power in your own choices can help you through this time of year.

For those who are Christian, think about the meaning of this holiday, the time when Jesus was born. The birth story of Christ is one of mystery. This great being was born in a manger because there was “no room at the inn.” Despite poverty and hardship, he came into the world and led a movement that would change it forever.

Do you have the ability to look at your life and choose to hold onto the good things, even if you are experiencing difficulties, sadness or other friction? Do you think you can choose to live in the moment and claim whatever happiness is waiting there for you? Can you be your own radical thinker and decide to be positive and hopeful no matter what?

I believe that it is possible to seek happiness in a proactive way. How? When you find yourself in the company of family and friends, choose to notice the good things about each person. Resist the temptation to pick at your loved ones. Point out something noteworthy about each person that you can celebrate. It can be something superficial, like how the person looks. You can acknowledge a student for doing a great job this semester. You can compliment the cook. Rejoice at seeing people you have missed over the past year. The point here is to identify something to celebrate about others and about yourself -- and say it out loud.

For your part, if you don’t want to talk too much about yourself, choose a couple of things you can willingly say, and then pivot. Pick safe topics that you can insert in the conversation that will not lead to a probe. Because most people like to talk about themselves, you can get the attention off of yourself quickly if you ask a lot of questions. This, in turn, will protect your privacy, but do your best not to hide. Claim something positive about your life, and say it out loud. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering, but it should be true. When you choose joy, you welcome others to do the same. And at the end of the day, you may just feel the happiness that you seek.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother-in-law is Jehovah’s Witness. She explained to me that this means she doesn’t celebrate any holidays. Her husband is a more mainstream Christian, so he does celebrate.

I’m so confused as to how to honor my mother-in-law and include her in our family festivities. In the past, I have invited my in-laws to come over during the holiday season, just not on Christmas Day. As they get older, though, I wonder if I should invite them to the dinner where everybody is present. I know they enjoy being together with everyone. But I worry that my mother-in-law might feel uncomfortable. What should I do? -- Being Welcoming

DEAR BEING WELCOMING: Talk to your mother-in-law, and share with her what’s on your mind. Tell her how much you want her to be part of the large family gathering. Point out the obvious: You do not want to offend her religious values and practices in any way, even as you truly want her to be part of all that you do this week. Ask her what you can do to make her feel comfortable. Invite her to attend. She may choose to come for the entire event or maybe at dessert, which will be after the height of the festivities.

Ask her if she would accept gifts from the family, or if you should alert them not to have gifts for her. If you speak directly with your mother-in-law, you should be able to find out where she stands. You may be surprised at her answers. What happens too often when families do not share religious beliefs is that people stop talking and awkwardly create space around whoever is in the minority. End that uncomfortable practice. Your conversation with your mother-in-law may open up an opportunity for a closer bond with her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a large family, and it is our tradition to give gifts to everybody. I can’t swing it this year. There are just too many people, and I have a mound of debt and just started a new job. What can I do to manage the family’s expectations? Children alone represent about 10 gifts. With the adults, it’s closer to 30. -- Cutting Back on Xmas

DEAR CUTTING BACK ON XMAS: You have a couple of choices. If you have the resources, get or make gifts for each of the children. Even the tiniest gifts will brighten young family members, because it shows that you remembered them. Even at the last minute, you can go to the dollar store to look for something that you can give to the 10 children.

For the rest of the family, consider something as simple as making greeting cards for each of them. A simple card that expresses your love for your family will make them smile and know that you are thinking of them -- without breaking the bank.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)