DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom is in her 60s and has compromised lungs. For the past few months, my sister and I have been taking her groceries and having what she needs delivered to her house. Growing up, we had a constant flow of lost souls going in and out of our house. We never knew who was going to be camped out on our driveway or sleeping on our couch for weeks at a time.

We have really high rates of COVID in our state, and my mom has a casual friend camping on her driveway who is not practicing social distancing. The last time my kids were at my mom’s house, this person yelled at them for doing something wrong (she was incorrect). She also made them roll in the gravel after they had her dog do a trick in the gravel. My kids are middle and late elementary school-aged and are good kids. When I approached my mom about this, she got defensive and made excuses for the friend’s behavior. We don't feel comfortable going to her house with this person there, and my sister is on the same page and has the same concerns.

Do you have any suggestions on how to go forward? My sister and I are both going to keep delivering groceries, but it has put a big wrench in our relationship. My oldest son tried talking with his grandma and came away frustrated and hurt. -- Family Drama

DEAR FAMILY DRAMA: Given that your mother has always welcomed lost souls to her home, you are not likely to get her to ask this person to leave. What you can do is draw the line for yourself and your family. Let her know that you will continue to have food delivered to her home, but that you and her grandchildren will no longer come by. Explain that you are concerned about being exposed to COVID-19. Since the person is not practicing social distancing and has exhibited untoward behavior, you want to protect your family from them. Suggest that your mother reconsider who she allows to be near her, given her condition. In the end, you have to put your foot down to protect yourself and your children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In regard to the person who has only a fan during videoconference calls and wants to stay cool, I have a couple of suggestions for how to keep cool from personal experience. One thing to try is to put a tub of water and ice in front of the fan so the fan blows over the tub of water and you get the cool air. Put damp towels in the fridge overnight, and place them on your body where they can't be seen during the call, like your thighs and stomach, while the fan is blowing. Also, take a quick, cool shower before meetings. Keep a wet towel nearby, and wet your arms, legs, chest and stomach so when the fan blows on you, it cools you off. Repeat as needed. Hope this helps! -- Stay Cool

DEAR STAY COOL: Thank you for these practical tips. Another reader suggested putting your feet in a small tub of ice water -- again, out of the eye of the camera -- to help you stay cool during these super-hot days.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a restaurant manager. I recently had to let go of one of my servers who continuously got complaints for being rude. I had trouble with her arriving late and creating issues with other staff during work hours. It was actually a relief to have her gone.

About a month later when I was dropping off my 4-year-old at day care, I was introduced to a new teacher’s assistant who had just started. It was my former employee. Our last interaction did not go well, and I am confident that she is not a genuinely nice person. How does a person like that get a job caring for children? I am concerned about her working in the same classroom as my child. I always felt my child was safe there, but now I’m not sure. Should I say something to the day care director or move my child? -- Should I Speak Up?

DEAR SHOULD I SPEAK UP: You should speak to the management of your child’s day care center. Request a private meeting, and express your concerns. Be direct but not inflammatory. Describe your relationship with this woman, including the reactions that customers had to her that led to her eventual firing. Suggest that management observe her carefully to ensure that she treats the children, staff and parents well.

She may be better with children than with adults. Her poor fit at a restaurant might become a good fit in this different environment -- but who knows? As her former employer, you absolutely should alert the day care center director about what you know as a fact about her behavior.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I agreed to allow my sister to come stay with me to visit my daughter. My sister and I do not get along, but I remain civil for my daughter's sake. Anytime we get into an argument, she goes way too far and says things about me as a mother. My sister can’t have kids, and I feel like she judges my parenting skills, from the job I pick to where I live to what I cook or wear. When she is in town, I feel like I have to tiptoe to protect my self-esteem from her. I don’t know how to handle her. She does not have kids, but I don’t want to say something unforgivable about that. I’ve encouraged her to adopt, but she always drops the topic and says she has her niece, my daughter. I am super uncomfortable around her. How should I tell her to back off? -- Back Off, Sister

DEAR BACK OFF, SISTER: Take a step back and evaluate what’s happening here. Why do you give your sister a pass to come into your home and enjoy your daughter, treating you with disrespect all the while? That doesn’t make sense. It is time for you to stand up for yourself.

While your sister is with you, sit down and have a talk with her. Tell her that you have gone out of your way to be sensitive to her situation and to accommodate her desire to stay close to your daughter, but you have had enough.

Point out how she treats you. Give her several examples of the things she has said and how she said them. Tell her that you do not appreciate her criticism and that you have had enough. If she cannot find it in herself to stop her critical conversation, you will not invite her to stay with you anymore. Regardless of what she says, don’t give in. Otherwise, your child will unconsciously learn that your sister’s behavior is acceptable and may take on some of those qualities.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I worked at a heavily visited tourist attraction, I had a visitor interaction that ultimately ended with me escorting said visitor to a colleague (whom we will call “Annie”). I am terrible with names, and I didn't regularly work with Annie at the time. As I approached Annie's desk, I realized her name was escaping me. I suddenly thought I recalled her name, so as I dropped off the visitor with Annie, I said "OK, thanks, ‘Jen’ will take care of you from here."

The second it came out of my mouth, I knew it was the wrong name, which is embarrassing on its own, but much worse because I called her the name of another co-worker, and both these women are East Asian. I am white.

Even though I knew the name was wrong, Annie's real name was escaping me so instead of correcting myself, I scurried off with my tail between my legs. Annie did not correct me, but I could see the disappointment in her eyes. It's been at least four years since that incident, and Annie has always been gracious and kind to me in every interaction we have had since then. So kind that I often wonder if she has forgotten this incident -- although that's probably wishful thinking!

I committed a heinous racist microaggression against my fellow human, and I feel guilt and shame for it constantly. I consider myself anti-racist, and this moment was a reality check for me. We no longer work at the same place, but we're still in touch. I have considered, and even drafted, many apologies to her for this incident, but I have never sent the apology because I do not think this type of action deserves forgiveness and do not want to put her in the place of having to tell me that it's OK -- which she is likely to do because she is so kind.

Regardless of whether I deserve forgiveness, I still think she deserves an apology and acknowledgement. Is apologizing the right thing to do here, or will I just be putting her in an uncomfortable position all over again? If a co-worker had ever done something like this to you, would you even want to hear a years-late apology? -- A Real Jerk, Trying To Be Better

DEAR A REAL JERK, TRYING TO BE BETTER: Thank you, first of all, for your thoughtfulness about this incident and your willingness to share it with us. This is exactly the kind of reflection that is needed for us to move forward with greater awareness of how to interact respectfully with one another.

There is no time limit on an apology. But you do need to be clear about what you hope the outcome will be. It should not be to ask for forgiveness. That would be you presenting yourself as a victim in a situation where the other person was actually the victim.

Since you are in touch with this woman, reach out to her and tell her that you want to discuss a sensitive topic with her. Remind her of the incident and how you misidentified her, how you felt about it and that you have never forgotten because you instantly knew it was an egregious error. Apologize for not handling the situation in the moment -- namely, immediately apologizing for calling her the other woman’s name. Tell her that in these times when everyone is evaluating their role in racist behavior, you realize that this was a clear microaggression on your part, and she deserved better from you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)