DEAR READERS: Merry Christmas! Happy holidays! (Belated) happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! All love to you and your families.

What a strange time we are experiencing right now. Normally millions of Americans would be traveling to be with family and loved ones. Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, more people travel than at any other time of year. This is in part because our culture has become more diverse geographically. Our children go away to school and often stay where they were educated. Family members join the military and travel the world while being posted at different ports of call. Our jobs take us to spots all over the country -- and beyond.

But no matter where we live, most of us act like homing pigeons during the holidays: We make the trek home. We long to be with our loved ones and reserve time on our calendars and dollars in our wallets to make it happen.

And then came COVID-19. If we are following directions today, most of us are not spending time with our families the way we did last year. Even if most family members live in the same town, the advice is NOT to gather in large groups, and even when in small groups to gather wearing masks.

This is tough. For many of us, it has been months since we have been able to be in the company of our parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins and dear friends. We ache at not being able to have that connection. And yet, the discipline of following directions during this time may save thousands of lives.

My mother is 91 years old, now in an assisted-living facility. All I want to do is go to be with her, to hug her and to comfort her as she comforts me. I cannot. My niece has a new baby whom I have only met on a videoconference. This is far from normal.

I share this because I know you have your own stories of longing and tenderness as you think about how you will spend your holiday. Do what you can to share your love with the people who matter most. But also remember to be smart, disciplined and patient.

At this point, most of us have been directly touched by COVID-19. When someone you love falls ill or even dies from this disease, your eyes open wider and you see how real and deadly it is. We are not invincible or immune to illness. But we can be smart. In this season of gratitude and generosity, let us give the gift of patience and groundedness to ourselves and one another. Let’s use technology to keep connected to those we love.

The greatest, most precious gift we can give to each other is a chance at good health. I pray that we put politics aside and embrace the science that tells us that staying distant will keep us safest. Let us love each other such that we will live another day. Let us thank God for the opportunity to share joy in this moment. Let us be creative in our celebrations so that we come together, even though it’s from a distance. We can do this. We must. God bless you all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked for recommendations for hair stylists on social media. Someone messaged me that she was launching a hair business and showed me some of her work. I liked it, so I scheduled an appointment for a simple hair dye and trim. The style can take anywhere from two to three hours, but I was at the shop for more than four hours. I was the only customer. The color was completely wrong, and I hated it. She gave me a discount for the appointment since I didn’t like it.

Over the next couple of days, my hair started coming out in clumps. I’ve dyed my hair before, but it’s never had this type of damage. I am not sure what she did, but I want all my money back. The problem is that her social media accounts are gone and her phone number is disconnected, and every time I go to the shop, there is no one there. I’ve been thinking about contacting the police to file a report and lawsuit. This all turned out to be so sketchy. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone else. Should I go to the police for help finding her? -- Scammed Hair

DEAR SCAMMED HAIR: Rather than the police, you may want to file a claim with a small claims court. Take a picture of the damage and find photos of yourself before. Gather all of the written communication from the woman as well as receipts for payment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a nanny for a new family. I can tell that the children are comfortable with me because they have begun to loosen up and are beginning to behave badly, including using profanity. Even the youngest child -- who is learning to talk -- repeats curse words. I know that kids learn from what they hear, so I thought they must hear that language on TV.

I told my employers to limit the kids’ screen time, but when they went to punish the kids for their behavior, they used profanity while lecturing the children. I couldn’t believe they didn’t make the connection right then and there. I was so shocked at the parents’ behavior that I left. I keep going to work, but I am unable to figure out what to say to the parents. Should I tell them they shouldn't curse at the kids, or am I out of place? -- Loose Lips

DEAR LOOSE LIPS: Tread lightly here. When you are with the children, use positive language that is empowering and free of any profane words. When the children use profanity, offer them replacement words and phrases. The child who is learning to talk can learn to emulate your language.

You should also point out the children's language to their parents -- but be careful. Give an example that is not about them directly. Before my daughter was born, my husband and I decided that we would not curse around her at all. It took a bit of practice, but we managed. We have a friend who “curses like a sailor.” He told us he curbed his cursing when his firstborn at about age 2 strung together a collection of curses to share at a dinner party. You may or may not get them to stop, but you can be a good example.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having issues with my sister-in-law about house duties. Unfortunately, she and her kids moved in with my husband and me after she lost her job and could no longer afford her home. My husband invited her to live with us, but it’s a problem because they make a lot of messes. She expects me to clean up all the time because it is my house. It is annoying to clean up after everyone when you didn’t make the mess.

My sister-in-law gets upset when I ask her to clean because the place looks dirty, but the mess is not coming from me or the few people who visit me and my husband. My husband doesn’t realize it is her and her children messing everything up. How do I go about letting her know in a nice way that I am not cleaning up after anybody but myself without offending her? -- Clean Up

DEAR CLEAN UP: Talk to your husband and let him know that you feel the need to set house rules. Get him to agree so that you are a united front, then call a meeting. Be kind and direct. Let your sister-in-law know that in order for your household to run smoothly, everybody has to pitch in. Point out that you understand that children can be messy and create clutter -- and that you need everyone to clean up after themselves. Assign household chores to everyone that should be completed daily, as-needed and weekly. If she balks, let her know that these are the rules of your home, and you expect them to be followed.

She may not like this at first, but the reality is that it is your home, and you have the right to enforce the level of cleanliness that makes you comfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Living with a bunch of roommates can be rough. There are a lot of arguments and disagreements because of money. Each of us put a utility bill in our name; we split the bill and pay the person who holds the account.

One of the roommates failed to pay me their share for the bill in my name. So when she asked me for the money for the bill in her name, I told her to take the payment out of the money she owed me and call it even. She said it was unfair because her bill share costs more than mine. I asked her day after day for the money on my bill, and she said I will get the money, but I never did. I offered to pay her the difference, but she’s not accepting it. I can’t see why she is being so unreasonable and can’t seem to see where I am coming from. Am I wrong? What can we do about bill sharing in the future to avoid this type of misunderstanding? -- Bill Sharing

DEAR BILL SHARING: Having roommates is tough. So are the responsibilities that come with those roommates. Bills are at the top of the list. To get everyone in alignment, call a house meeting. State that the topic is bills, and then be direct in front of everyone about your concern. Remind all that each person has to be responsible, or you will have serious difficulties down the line. Bring up the issue at hand, and ask the group to weigh in. Move on from there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)