Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I went out to dinner, and she brought along her cousin, “Kate,” who I had never met. Kate was short on the bill, so I ended up covering for her because I was able to and she said she would get the money back to me. Since then, she hasn’t reached out to me. I called my friend and asked Kate’s number and called her. She assured me that she would send it the next day, but again I did not hear from her.

A week went by, and I asked my friend if she could pay me back or at least get the money from her cousin for me, but she was totally against it and said she didn’t want to get involved. We ended up getting in an argument because this is someone she brought around me. I understand that her cousin is at fault, but I feel like she has a responsibility to me as my friend since she introduced me to her family member who screwed me over. Am I wrong for feeling this way? What else can I do? -- Burned Friend

DEAR BURNED FRIEND: The mistake you made was paying for the cousin’s meal with the idea that you would be repaid. If you paid it as a gift, great. But fronting money to someone you don’t know is always risky. Yes, you have the right to expect that your friend would vouch for her, but did you ask your friend? You made assumptions. Now, in the best of worlds, your friend should have paid for the person she had tag along to your dinner. Your friend is wrong for bringing her without letting you know and for allowing you to pay for her meal.

This is a mess. Your friend is implicitly involved because she brought the woman to the meal. Make that clear to her, but know that chances are slim that you will recoup your money.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a call center. The woman who sits next to me always stares at my screen. We have plastic dividers for COVID-19, but we can see through them, so I can see her looking my way. When I meet eyes with her, she keeps staring at my screen. I’m not sure what she is looking at or why, because our computers have high security blocks; the only thing we use are the work programs. I tried asking her if she needs help or if everything is all right, and she just smiles, says yes and turns away. But it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve taken the high road to try to strike up a conversation, hoping she might feel comfortable to share what it is she looks at, but she doesn’t speak at all -- she just smiles and nods. Now I’m freaked out. How do I deal with this, and do you have any other pointers for me to figure out what’s going on with her? -- Staring Eyes

DEAR STARING EYES: Ask your supervisor if you can affix an opaque piece of paper to your plexiglass to make it impossible for this woman to continue to stare you down. If that doesn’t work, see if you can change your seat.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My whole family has spread out in different directions since the death of my grandmother. Several of my aunts and uncles moved around the country and didn’t call or email any of the family to let us know where they are. I’ve mostly realized how spread out we are from social media. My cousins and I are pretty close, but it doesn’t seem like anyone cares to keep in contact. Everyone has kind of built their own lives and never looked back.

It’s been a long, crazy year, so I’ve been thinking about starting a tradition of a family reunion to get everyone in one place; with COVID-19, that obviously can’t happen. I've been thinking about a Zoom reunion, but I know that they aren’t going to put in any effort if it's just a huge video chat with 30 of us talking over one another. What are some other ways that I can get my family to reconnect in the peak of COVID-19? -- Family Reunion

DEAR FAMILY REUNION: It’s time to get creative. Enlist one or two cousins who might be interested in renewing ties. Meet with them to brainstorm ideas on your family reunion. Things to consider: bingo featuring clues about the family; storytelling hour where each of you is responsible for remembering and sharing a short story about times gone by; family videos that you can create in advance and play during your broadcast; elder time -- a period reserved for those surviving elders to tell stories about the family.

With buy-in from other family members, you can drum up interest from more family. Have people call each other with enthusiasm to invite them to this gathering. Let the magic happen!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 35-year-old single woman with no kids. The past few years, I have been focused mainly on my career in TV production, and I have never married and barely date. At my last doctor’s visit, my doctor explained to me that at my age, the chances of me becoming pregnant are getting slim, and there are increased risks and complications if I do get pregnant. I want kids, and I don’t want to miss my opportunity waiting for the right guy. So I am looking into other options. As a woman who is 110% focused and committed to her career, do you think seeking a sperm donor to be a single mother can be an option or is the better option to look into adoption? -- Craving Motherhood

DEAR CRAVING MOTHERHOOD: Modern technology has made it possible for one to become pregnant through artificial insemination. For some, this is miraculous. This certainly is an option for you. Another could be adoption.

Whatever you choose, also take time to think through how you will care for a child. Your schedule will have to become more flexible, especially if you will be a single parent. Think through the needs and do research to learn as much as you can so that you set up your life for success as a mother. Good luck.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was digging through some storage in my garage and found a lockbox -- which wasn’t even locked -- with a handgun inside. I immediately jumped to the conclusion that my husband has been hiding a gun in our garage. I did not know that he has one. It was pretty tucked away and wasn’t easily accessible, but I can’t imagine if I had sent my son to clean out the garage and he was the one who found it.

I am not sure if the gun is licensed, where it came from or how long he’s had it. I am so angry about this, and I don’t know how to approach it with him. I don't want a gun in our home, and I don’t want to be caught in a situation where he is keeping an illegal gun. I’m thinking of just getting rid of it and saying nothing. But maybe I should find out if it’s registered first? I’m kind of hoping it’s not his because this is a huge issue in my book. I fear this conversation will not go my way. What's the right course of action here? -- Secret Weapon

DEAR SECRET WEAPON: You must speak to your husband first. Tell him that you found the gun. Ask him where it came from, if it’s registered, etc. Ask him why he never told you that he has a gun. Express your feelings about having a gun in your home. You two have to talk this out. If he agrees to get rid of the gun, it should probably be surrendered to the police. You can’t just throw away a gun.

If he refuses to dispose of the gun, require that he properly store it so that it cannot be a harm to your son or the family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new puppy that is about 5 months old, and my next-door neighbor just adopted an adult dog. Our fences are right next to each other. My neighbor keeps their dog outside most of the day, and he barks the whole time he is outside. I don’t even remember what peace and quiet is like anymore because he barks so much.

I take my puppy outside for potty training and to play. I’ve noticed that my neighbor's dog will direct all his attention at my pup when we are outside. He has begun to dig at the fence and is making a dent that I know will soon turn into a hole. I am scared that one day he is going to get through and attack my small dog. I don’t feel like I am safe in my own backyard. My neighbor’s dog is damaging my fence. What are some solutions I can propose to my neighbor to solve these issues and my concerns? -- Neighboring Dogs

DEAR NEIGHBORING DOGS: It might be wise for the two of you to properly introduce your dogs face-to-face. They should become friends rather than adversaries, if that is possible. Talk to your neighbor about working together to establish a rapport between the two dogs. Also, point out that his dog is digging a hole under your fence, and you are concerned about that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)