Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for myself, and the past couple of years have been very good. Oddly, the pandemic was profitable for my business. But now things are changing. As is always true, the end of year is my time for renegotiating contracts, and it feels like deja vu from a few years ago. Even though the quality of my work has been stellar and I have gotten only great reviews, the renewals are not flowing in. So far, one company did not renew and another big project narrowed the scope of work, which means less money. I have been looking for new projects for months now, but nothing has clicked. I’m getting nervous. I had two years of not worrying about money, but now that’s over. How can I stay positive when things are not looking so good? -- Facing the Future

DEAR FACING THE FUTURE: Act like you have no money, because you really don’t right now. Get serious about prospecting. Look around for potential new clients, and approach at least five businesses per day. Make sure your pitch to them is aligned with what’s happening in the world now. During the pandemic, everyone was at home, and goods and services that supported the way people were living prospered. It’s a new day. You may need to tweak what you are offering to match the new reality of the working world. Figure out the skills you have that match the world today, and offer those.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into a guy I used to have a crush on at a holiday party, and all the old feelings came back. I spent some time talking to him, and it was nice. He is all the things that I like: gentlemanly, stylish, attentive but not overbearing, a great conversationalist -- I could go on. When I first met him, I was married, though not happily.

I am now separated and in the middle of a divorce. Should I tell my friend my status and see if he’s interested in going out? It’s going to take a while before I have everything sorted with the divorce, but it’s definitely happening. I feel like I should let him know what’s going on with me in case he shares any of my butterflies. What do you think? -- Butterflies

DEAR BUTTERFLIES: Your note makes me wonder about what happened before. Did you flirt with each other or even step into the arena of engaging each other intimately? Whatever happened before is informing this moment. Recall the whole scenario so that you can be crystal clear about what happened then and what the precedent is for now.

Then, yes, be honest with him. Tell him what’s happening in your life -- not every detail, but the basics and whatever timeline you believe you are on for handling your business. Perhaps your renewed interest in this man will spur you on to finish your divorce more quickly. What I do not recommend is beginning to date him before you have fully closed that door.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I only work part-time for a small business that is run by two people. I work remotely. I used to work full-time, but part-time made more sense for me and my schedule. Sometimes I think that my bosses forget that I work part-time, based on the amount of work that they give me on a daily basis. How do I kindly remind them that the volume of work that they are giving me is too similar to the volume of work that they gave me when I was full-time, and that it’s way too much work? -- Gentle Reminder

DEAR GENTLE REMINDER: Request an end-of-year review meeting with your bosses. Be prepared with an itemization of the work you have done, including when you worked full-time and now. Show them what your productivity has been and what their requests have been.

Point out that they have continued to give you work equal to the volume of a full-time employee, and you want to ask them to recalibrate. Let them know what you believe you can complete in the hours that you work. Assure them that the other work will be finished, but that it may take longer than they would like because you are no longer a full-time employee. But then, you have to reinforce this by not doing 40 hours’ worth of work in 20 hours. Be sure to point out your loyalty even though your hours are reduced.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman who works at my job just had a baby, and she named the child after me. I was shocked. I guess it’s nice, but she and I are not friends, and we spend no time together outside of the office. She is now inviting me to participate in family activities and things. She tells me she always liked me and admired me. That’s why she named her child after me. I find it all a bit creepy. I do not want to be her friend or a godmother to her child. How can I close this door without seeming rude? -- My Namesake

DEAR MY NAMESAKE: This is an awkward situation! You can thank the woman for naming her child after you. That’s the thoughtful thing to do. You can say that you hope whatever she likes about you will be part of who her child is and becomes. You can gently decline invitations to hang out with her and her family. You are not required to be a part of this woman’s life. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t odd. It is. But from a bigger perspective, it’s actually sweet that your co-worker thought so much of you to bestow your name upon her child. Take it as a compliment. Be kind to her, even as you keep your distance. You never know. One day you might change your mind and get to know the child. That doesn’t mean you have to have an official role, but you may choose to know her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend of mine is very negative, and lately it feels that the negativity is always aimed at me. She throws subtle jabs at my career choices, the people I date, the other friends I have and even the things I wear. I went to lunch with her recently and decided I wouldn’t say anything about my career because I didn’t want to give her a chance to make a negative comment, and she still found a way to talk down on my job. I don’t understand it. I also don’t think that she means to make me feel bad. She has always been a negative person in general. Is this something that can be solved, or should I think about distancing myself from this friend? -- Negative Nancy

DEAR NEGATIVE NANCY: Looks like you are just now waking up to something that has been happening for a long time. Step back a moment and evaluate what you like about this friendship. Do you really enjoy this person, or is she a bad habit that you finally realize you need to break? Make a list. Write down what you like about her. Be specific. When have you enjoyed her company? What were you doing at the time? Record as many good things as you can recall. Then make another list of things that irritate you or hurt your feelings. Compare your lists.

Using the objective lens of the lists you have made, answer your own question. Should you continue to be her friend? Sometimes seeing things in black and white makes it easier for you to make a clear assessment. Nobody has to stay in your life forever -- even family members if those relationships are toxic. Let your own answers guide you to your next steps.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had a pain in my neck -- literally -- for several months now. I think it’s because of the way I have been sleeping, but I’m not sure. I do not have insurance, so I haven't gone to the doctor. Plus, I have a friend who had a pain in her stomach for a long time. When she finally went to the doctor, it was terminal cancer. I’m afraid something like that might happen to me. My best friend says I’m stupid for not checking it out. What if the worst is true, and I am sick? I can’t afford to deal with that. How can I get out of this fear? It’s got me doing absolutely nothing. -- Face You Fear

DEAR FACE YOUR FEAR: Your friend is right. You should go to the doctor to see about your pain. There is no way for you to know definitively what it is, especially since it’s chronic, without evaluation. Do your research. Find a teaching hospital. Sometimes they will offer care to patients without insurance. Research other health facilities in your area. Most cities have health care establishments that will treat you even if you are uninsured. If the pain is so intense that it seems like an emergency, you can go to a hospital. They are required to see you, though you will have to pay the bill eventually.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)