DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve rented a bed space in Manila, Philippines, while pursuing my master’s degree, and I share the space with a roommate. While I appreciate having someone to share the rent, her habit of leaving a mess in our shared bedroom area is becoming unbearable. I am the type of person who always wants to maintain a clean and tidy space -- I admit I have some obsessive-compulsive behaviors. I’ve tried dropping hints, and I’ve even directly asked her to make more of an effort, but nothing seems to change. It’s frustrating because I don’t want to constantly be the one cleaning up after her. I also don’t want to create hostility in our home or cause unnecessary tension between us. I understand that we have different living habits, but I need to find a way to balance our shared responsibilities. -- Roommate Woes

DEAR ROOMMATE WOES: It is absolutely fair for you to sit down with your roommate and remind her that the two of you are sharing this space and that you need her to do her part to keep it tidy. Point out exactly what disturbs you, such as clothing on the floor, dishes unwashed, bed unmade -- whatever your grievances are. Ask her to tend to these things in the moment so that the room stays organized. Know that, ultimately, you will likely have to move out. You can’t pressure or guilt someone into becoming neat. Since you are in school and are focused on improving your life, do your best to create the healthiest, most productive environment for you to be successful. Look for another room to share. If possible, meet the roommate and ask a few questions before you move in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started working out due to health and weight issues. I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, and my doctor advised me to establish a routine alongside dietary changes. I joined a fitness group with friends, but I feel constantly judged because I can’t keep up with their pace. Although I know they mean well, their comments about my fitness level are starting to discourage me rather than motivate me. I don’t want to give up, but I also don't want to feel this way every time I exercise with them. I feel the pressure to match their standards, which only makes it harder to stay motivated. -- Fitness Frenzy

DEAR FITNESS FRENZY: First, I want to commend you for taking action for your health and your life. It is not easy to lose weight, start an exercise regimen or keep it up. It takes discipline and time, and it helps a lot when you have encouragement. Do you think you can find another group to join that might be more positive? This group does not sound like the best fit for you if they are not being supportive.

I will add that it’s possible that you are being too judgmental of yourself. At the beginning of the process of changing your life, it can seem insurmountable. Everybody around you may seem to be better than you are. If that’s happening to you, don’t give up. Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on yourself and your incremental improvements. Cheer for yourself. Do try to find another group that better matches your fitness level.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner has become increasingly glued to his phone, even during family time with our child. It’s frustrating to feel like he’s prioritizing his screen over meaningful moments together, especially since we already have limited time to connect due to our busy schedules. To address this, I decided to implement a no-phone rule during meals so we can focus on one another, set a good example for our daughter and have meaningful conversations as a family. While he initially agreed, he often struggles to stick to the rule, and I feel like my efforts to strengthen our family connection aren’t being taken seriously. I miss having real conversations with him and worry about how this is affecting our bond. What should I do to reinforce this boundary and encourage more meaningful interaction? -- Second to the Screen

DEAR SECOND TO THE SCREEN: Breaking habits takes time. Since this is important to you, now is the time for you to exercise patience and vigilance. Remind him when he goes to pick up his phone that this is family time. Get a basket and put both of your phones out of arm’s reach from the table before you sit down to eat. Silence the phones, and remind each other not to reach for them until mealtime is over. Thank your partner for following your agreement. Work with him to engage with your child. The more he does that, the more he may realize how nice it is to be fully present.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister-in-law often makes passive-aggressive comments about my parenting style, which has been frustrating to deal with. Recently, I decided to address it directly, and I told her she has no right to meddle in how I raise my child. I spoke firmly but calmly, making it clear that I know what I’m doing and that she should respect my boundaries. However, at a family gathering soon after, she claimed I had angrily shouted at her during our conversation, which is completely untrue. Her version of events has made things awkward with other family members, and I feel unfairly judged. I want to set the record straight without escalating the situation further or creating more tension. How can I handle this gracefully while maintaining my boundaries and protecting my reputation? -- Family Friction

DEAR FAMILY FRICTION: It sounds like it is out of the ordinary for people in your family to call each other out on their behavior. Your sister-in-law experienced your pushback as shouting, even though you did not intend it that way. You can say to her -- and your family -- that you did not mean to raise your voice at her, nor do you believe you did, but it was and is important to you that she give you space to take care of your child however you choose, free of her judgment. Tell them all that you would appreciate being supported as you care for your child, not harassed or criticized.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a new mother, and I feel like I can’t do anything right. I just had a baby boy, and while I love him more than anything, the adjustment to motherhood has been painful and difficult for me. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I’m always falling short, whether it’s soothing my baby when he cries, keeping up with housework or even finding time to take care of myself.

My husband has been a wonderful help throughout this process. He’s truly a great father; he’s always there to change diapers, cook meals or give me time to rest. Even with his support, I find myself constantly snapping at him for no reason. Sometimes he’ll say something as simple as, “Can I help you?” and I’ll lose my temper, even though I know he means well. Afterward, I feel terrible for being so short with him because I know he’s doing his best to support me.

I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle of guilt, frustration and exhaustion, and it’s starting to take a toll on our relationship. I want to be a better partner to him and a more confident mother for my son, but I’m not sure how to manage these emotions or where to start. Is it normal to feel this way, or am I doing something wrong? -- New Mom Blues

DEAR NEW MOM BLUES: Many new moms suffer from feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and short-tempered. Ironically, the easiest solutions can be the most difficult to achieve. Why? Well, if you can sleep more, carve out some quiet time and stay calm, all will be better -- but you know how hard it is to find those things. For now, apologize to your husband for your shortness. Tell him how tough things are for you, and thank him for his partnership. Schedule naps whenever you can. Be sure to visit your doctor. You may have postpartum depression, for which there is treatment. Trust that things will get better.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My close friend constantly seeks my advice about the same relationship problems, but she never follows through on my suggestions. It’s becoming a pattern that’s frustrating and exhausting for me. While I care deeply about her and want to support her, it’s starting to feel like I’m wasting my time and energy. I find myself dreading these conversations because I already know how they’ll play out. At the same time, I don’t want to seem dismissive or uncaring by turning her away when she reaches out.

I want to set healthy boundaries with my friend, but I’m worried about hurting her feelings or damaging our friendship. How can I communicate my frustration in a way that is honest yet compassionate? I want to maintain our connection, but I need to protect my own emotional well-being. -- Advice Fatigue

DEAR ADVICE FATIGUE: Next time your friend comes to you for advice, tell her you have nothing more to add to what you've already advised. Remind her that you are not a professional, and you realize that you have not been helping her with the ideas you have offered. Recommend that she go to a therapist.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)