DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I recently got into a huge fight, and I’m still feeling upset about it. During our argument, he called me privileged, and it really struck a nerve. I’ve worked hard for everything I have in life. I grew up in a small town with parents who loved me deeply but didn’t have much to their name. I put myself through school, worked multiple jobs and have been intentional about building the life I want. To be accused of being privileged felt so unfair and dismissive of everything I’ve accomplished.

The fight started when I mentioned I was planning a vacation to Vietnam. I did some research about the country and the places I’d like to visit, but I’ll admit I could have gone deeper. My boyfriend called me out on this and said it was privileged of me to travel to a foreign country without doing proper research or fully understanding its culture, history or people. While I see his point that preparation is important, especially when visiting a place so different from my own background, it felt like his tone was more critical than constructive. Instead of encouraging me to learn more, it came across as an attack on my character and my values. How can I address this with him without getting defensive? -- Not Privileged

DEAR NOT PRIVILEGED: Sit down with your boyfriend and admit that you should have done more research for your trip to Vietnam, and thanks to his observations, you will. Add that his tone disturbed you; rather than being supportive, he seemed to be judgmental. Tell him that it hurt your feelings. Let him know that rather than being privileged, you consider yourself self-sufficient. Describe your upbringing and how you got to where you are today. Point out that while nothing has come easy for you, you are enormously grateful for all that you have been able to accomplish thus far. Tell him you would appreciate his support -- without the attack. He may get defensive at first, but stand your ground. If he is to be your partner, he needs to understand what kind of support you need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always been curious about my family’s history, so I began researching my relatives online. Starting with Facebook, Instagram and other social media platforms, I have uncovered fascinating details about my ancestors. However, the sheer volume of information quickly became overwhelming, and many records are incomplete or contradictory. This has made it difficult for me to piece everything together accurately. I dream of creating a detailed family tree, but I struggle to organize my findings and verify their accuracy. I need guidance to simplify the process and confidently explore my family’s heritage. -- Family Tree Frustrations

DEAR FAMILY TREE FRUSTRATIONS: The good news is that there’s a ton of support out there that should help you research your family’s history. Gather all of the documentation you have so that you are organized, and then look into some of the available tools, such as the National Archive, which has step-by-step instructions on how to find legal documents to support learning more about your family history. Go to: archives.gov/research/genealogy/start-research. You can also find bloodline information from ancestry.com. This resource has amassed a wealth of information about people that has helped families find each other across the world.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This Thanksgiving was an absolute disaster. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year, and this holiday felt like the perfect time to introduce him to my family. I was nervous because, while I love them, my family is known to be a little unconventional. They’re loud, opinionated and tend to say exactly what’s on their minds, no matter how inappropriate.

From the moment we walked in, it was like a circus. My uncle started grilling my boyfriend about his job and his plans for the future, and then my aunt jumped in to question him about his political beliefs right in the middle of dinner. My cousins thought it would be hilarious to share every embarrassing story they could think of about me, and my mom kept dropping hints about how she’s “ready for grandchildren.” My boyfriend handled it all as well as he could, but I could tell he was overwhelmed.

I’m worried this whole experience might have left a bad impression on my boyfriend, and I feel embarrassed about how things turned out. I want him to feel welcomed by my family, but instead, it felt like he was under a microscope. How can I smooth things over with him and also set some boundaries with my family for the future? -- Crossing the Line

DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: Since you already know what your family is like, you know that little that you say is going to get them to change. So don’t promise anything to your boyfriend about their behavior in the future. Instead, you can apologize for how overwhelming the experience may have been for him. If he likes being with you and wants to get to know you and your family better, he will need to learn to spar with them in an amicable way and not get too defensive. Ask him how he felt after the dinner and how he’s doing now. Find out if he is turned off by their behavior, or if he found it amusing. You never know. He may have some kooky family members, too, and he could be more OK with it than you think. If there is a chance for him in your future, he is going to have to be able to spar with them on occasion.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After years of using traditional notebooks, I decided to transition to digital planning, especially as schools are now adapting to digital tools. Back in grade school, pen and paper were my go-to, and I loved the simplicity they offered. While I was excited about the potential for better organization, the switch hasn’t been as smooth as I hoped. I find myself missing the tactile joy of writing and feeling overwhelmed by learning new apps and systems. I don’t want to give up, but I am starting to wonder if digital tools are truly the right fit for me. The promise of efficiency and flexibility is tempting, yet the adjustment feels daunting. How can I embrace this change without losing the joy and comfort of my old ways? -- Digital Planning Dilemmas

DEAR DIGITAL PLANNING DILEMMAS: Who says you have to choose? I use a mix of digital resources and old-fashioned notepads. This makes me feel comfortable and satisfies my desire to write things down. The technology is wonderful for support in organizing thoughts, dates and details quickly. You can design the way you organize yourself using whatever combination of tools you desire!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently ran her first marathon, and while we’re all super proud of her accomplishment, it has completely taken over every conversation. Whether we’re at brunch, hanging out or texting in our group chat, she always brings the topic back to her training, the race itself or how she’s already planning for the next one. At first, it was exciting to hear about her journey because we know how much work she put into it. But now, weeks later, it feels like we’re stuck in a marathon of marathon stories.

The rest of our friend group is starting to get annoyed, but we don’t know how to bring it up without sounding dismissive of her achievement. We really do want to celebrate her success, but we also want to be able to talk about other things again. How can we kindly let her know it’s time to switch up the conversation without hurting her feelings? -- Enough Already

DEAR ENOUGH ALREADY: Pull your friend aside, and tell her you need to talk to her about something sensitive. Acknowledge how proud you are of her accomplishment, and let her take that in. Then tell her that she may not realize it, but she has been monopolizing your conversations for weeks with endless details about her marathon experience, leaving little room for others to talk about their lives. Note that she probably doesn’t realize that she is doing this, but the group is growing weary of her nonstop stories about the marathon. Encourage her to listen more and reengage with the group, leaving space for everyone to talk.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a singer since my elementary and high school days and often competed in singing contests, though I failed twice. These failures made me hesitant to join my college choir, but I decided to join for scholarship purposes, as it would help ease my parents’ financial burden. Initially, I was excited to be part of the choir, but during our first rehearsal on stage, I completely froze. While I’ve always loved singing in private, performing in front of an audience fills me with anxiety and self-doubt. Despite this fear, I know how much music means to me, and I don’t want to give up on something I’m so passionate about. I want to overcome my stage fright and find the joy in performing again, but I’m unsure where to start. -- Stage Fright

DEAR STAGE FRIGHT: Talk to the choir director about your predicament. Explain how much you love to sing, but that you need some coaching to get past the jitters. Chances are, you can work together to overcome your discomfort.

On your own, practice singing in front of the mirror, and give it your all. You can also tape yourself singing and share the playback with friends. Work hard to be present when they watch it. Ask friends to serve as a small audience for you to perform live. Keep practicing in front of small groups as you build your confidence. Go for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)