Q: Now that my daughter, JoEllen, got into her top college, I thought the paperwork would end. But she gets stuff every day, and she's like, "whatever." Am I a helicopter parent if I just deal with all her mail?

A: Sort her mail now, and you might end up doing her laundry every week of her freshman year. But ignoring the mail isn't an option, either. Texting teens aren't used to the volume of correspondence that comes via email or snail mail upon college acceptance, so you'll have to guide her.

"Once you've sent in your deposit, expect to be bombarded," says Marie Pinak Carr, author of "Sending Your Child to College: The Prepared Parent's Operational Manual" (2011 edition, Dicmar, 2012). "Most will be addressed to your child," she says, "who will probably ignore them, including the tuition bill."

When you help JoEllen prioritize the mail, you're also helping her transition to living independently. Carr suggests sorting out the immediate to-dos. "Don't wait until summer's end to process health, housing (first come, first served), and student orientation forms, plus tuition bills and payment options," she explains.

Model how to organize and respond efficiently. For example, late payments are usually assessed a fee. Show her how to make a "tuition" file: Record the date it was paid and whether it was by check or credit card. Note the receipt of payment. Make files for other key areas, including "health," "housing" and "budget."

Go through the junk mail separately, modeling savvy consumer skills. Show her how to read the fine print on credit card options and "shred unwanted offers, as many guarantee immediate activation," says Carr. "Retailers offer students everything from linens to gift packages and books. Explain that the one-time discount for opening a store charge card can be easily swallowed by fees or interest later on."

Schedule what must happen before JoEllen heads to school. For example, find out when she needs to sign up for courses, where she purchases books and where can she register for intramural teams. If you're driving her to school, make sure you book lodging near campus early.

Does she need insurance for her computer and her smartphone? "Take a photo or video inventory of higher-ticket items. Keep purchase and warranty receipts," advises Carr.

New student orientation is a "must attend," says Carr. "Sometimes this includes placement testing, class registration, and student ID processing."

If parent orientation is offered, enroll! You'll get to meet faculty, ask questions and learn what services those big bucks are buying.

Richard H. Hersh, a former high school teacher and retired college dean, says too many students don't take advantage of everything colleges have to offer. In "We're Losing Our Minds: Rethinking American Higher Education" (Palgrave Macmillan, 2011), Hersh and co-author Richard P. Keeling say that many institutions see themselves as "a kind of bank with intellectual assets that are available to the students," and it's up to the student to discover them.

It's not "helicopter parenting" to identify all the things you're paying for and reminding JoEllen to use them to become a successful student. Your most important role this summer is reinforcing the motivation and work ethic that got her accepted to college in the first place.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My seventh-grade daughter, Neela, worries about everything. She is a terrific student, but nothing is ever good enough. Her teacher says she's too hard on herself and will be happier if she learns to count her blessings. What do you think of that?

A: Be thankful that Neela has a teacher who suggested she learn a key life skill. Exciting research points to ways that gratitude influences our well-being. While religions and philosophies have long embraced the importance of thankfulness, scientists are latecomers to knowing how gratitude benefits our outlook, says University of California-Davis professor Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., author of "Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier" (Mariner, 2008).

Emmons' studies have shown that children who are appreciative have more positive attitudes toward school and their families. He found that young adults who learn to express daily gratitude reported higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy than those who focus on life's hassles.

This all makes sense to Dawn Mahan, a New York middle-school teacher, who says, "I see many students who practice such negative self-talk that I look for ways to help them learn the power of gratitude."

She points out opportunities for students to count their blessings, not their burdens.

Emmons suggests keeping a gratitude journal. "Doing this for as little as three weeks is often enough to create a meaningful difference in one level of happiness," he says. He also suggests writing a gratitude letter to someone we have not properly thanked in the past, and reading it in person.

When it comes to teens, counselor Marissa Gehley, founder of KNOW (Kids Need Our Wisdom) Consulting, says parents must go beyond teaching kids to say thank you. "That's important, but just a first step in the art of being grateful," she advises.

"Suppose Grandma sends Neela a birthday check for her college fund," Gehley says. "She should write (not text!) a thank you note, of course. But the bigger challenge is to help Neela understand why she should appreciate money for college when she was hoping for a gift card to her favorite store. You meet that challenge with conversation: about goals, college, dreams for her future, and how she's fortunate to have a grandmother who is helping her to achieve them. It's not a five-minute chat. When we (BEGIN ITALS)practice(END ITALS) gratitude consistently, it helps kids cement their values."

Kids won't just one day start gratitude lists. "You need to prime the pump as a family," says Gehley. "At the end of each week, think of things that are a cause for thankfulness. Go beyond the obvious.

"For example, when her son didn't get into a high school he had his heart set on, one mother helped him appreciate that it really was an opportunity. His second-choice school had a great art program, something he's passionate about. The very best way parents can raise grateful kids is by modeling the behavior themselves every day."

Teacher Appreciation Week is May 7-11. It's time to show some serious gratitude to Neela's teacher!

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: Juan, my middle-schooler, didn't get into his first-choice high school of the arts, so he'll go to our large public high school instead. It's excellent, with a "10" rating from greatschools.org, but he's resisting. He says it doesn't have an arts program though he's never been inside. He's an average student with a talent for illustration. Private school is not affordable. How can I get him to accept it?

A: Those Rolling Stones lyrics, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try ... you get what you need," applies here. But no teen wants to be told what he needs. Your job is to turn that good neighborhood school into something he wants.

First, set up conferences with a guidance counselor and a teacher he likes at his middle school to discuss his track record, collect evidence of Juan's art talent, and get advice about what programs would be best for him at the new school. Does Juan need any special services? Ask the counselor to contact her counterpart at the high school to schedule a tour. Do this soon. Schedule it yourself if you have to.

Prior to your visit, gather information: Check the school's website, do an online search and talk with current students and parents. What do they like about the school? What are the challenges? Which teachers stand out? What opportunities should Juan take advantage of?

Take your son's records, including his arts portfolio, to the tour. Ask about arts offerings. While art programs have been hard hit, most highly regarded high schools have art programs. Are there studio classes available? After-school options? Visit the school's art rooms so Juan can envision being there.

Have a list of questions to cover. Listen carefully to the answers and take notes to remember key facts and suggestions. This also models for Juan how to investigate and analyze options.

Invite the counselor to ask questions. A simple opening such as "What would you like to know about Juan's academic record?" can start a productive conversation that shows you where he might best fit in the new school. Let Juan know in advance that you expect him to be a part of the conversation. Let the counselor know your expectations as a parent. Ask how teachers communicate with the home.

Note the spelling and titles of the educators you meet, and have Juan drop a note -- maybe with an illustration -- to thank them for their time. "Showing appreciation is important," says Bill Jackson, president of greatschools.org. "You can bet those teachers will remember Juan with a smile come fall!" (Thank his current teachers for their conference time, too!)

It's equally important to schedule an appointment with the admissions counselor of the "choice" school Juan wasn't admitted to so he can learn why he missed the cut and get advice on applying again for his sophomore year. This could motivate him to work really hard in his neighborhood school his freshman year. Be thankful it's a good one!

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)