Q: My son's teacher told me that his emotional maturity must improve before he enters first grade or, "Jacob will spend all his time with the principal." When he gets frustrated, he throws a tantrum. I'm sick of yelling! Any suggestions?

A: Try techniques Wisconsin family counselor and psychotherapist William Mulcahy shares with parents.

"Don't take frustration as an assault to your parenting skills," says Mulcahy. "As young children grow, they constantly encounter new tasks to accomplish, grow from -- and become frustrated by."

He teaches kids the Frustration Triangle: name it, tame it and reframe it. They learn to cope with frustration in a way that puts them in charge of their thoughts and feelings.

Here's how it works: Draw a triangle and label each point as you go. First ask Jacob to name the cause of frustration.

"This may sound obvious, but naming the source increases children's awareness of their emotional state," says Mulcahy.

Next, tame it with "chill skills" to let go of the frustration. These include deep breathing, counting to 10, playing, listening to music, spending time in nature, progressive relaxation, prayer and meditation.

Third, reframe it by looking at the situation from a different angle. For example: "I can't ride my bike, but my dad will play catch with me."

Mulcahy says as kids become more efficient at reframing, they learn that this, too, will pass.

Tantrums that follow frustrations often necessitate apologies. Mulcahy says learning to apologize should be taught in a positive way.

"They can learn the power of a sincere apology," he says. "It can end conflict without fighting, encourage communication, restore self-respect, increase empathy for receiver and giver, and heal negative feelings such as shame, guilt and anger."

He teaches children a "four square" apology to make something right: Write the four steps on a paper folded in quarters to make it easy to learn them.

First, the child must define what he did to hurt somebody. Allow the child time to get calm and acknowledge what he's done wrong.

Next describe how the person felt. This is where the child should put himself in the other's shoes, says Mulcahy. "It's a step in developing empathy, a critical social-emotional skill," he says.

Third, discuss what the child can do next time. This prepares children to think about future choices they can make in a given situation, rather than have a knee-jerk reaction.

Fourth, talk about how to make it up to the person. "When we hurt others, we take something away," says Mulcahy. This step gets children to think how to give something back.

"We need to help children understand that frustration is a natural emotion and that emotions aren't good or bad," Mulcahy says. "It's what we do with our emotions that matters. These techniques teach kids to feel, identify and deal with their emotions in a healthy way."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: We want to start something this summer to get our middle-school kids ready for the district's rigorous high school service learning program. Many local kids want to volunteer. We just need to help organize them. Where can we find good activities for this age?

A: How great that you're making this effort! Many tweens have informed opinions on serious issues. They want to help, but need guidance on how to make an impact.

Your district's high school program probably makes a distinction between volunteering and service learning. It's important to learn this if part of your goal is to prepare your kids for what is to come. Service-learning experts say volunteering is giving time, talent and resources to help others in need -- all good!

But service-learning programs take volunteering a step beyond. They are designed to get kids to learn about the need they're serving. Kids grow individually and as a team while strengthening the community around them.

For example, your tweens might volunteer to clean a local park, even pruning trees and pulling invasive plants. To turn it into a service learning project, add an educational component, such as researching the long-term impact of invasives, making a proposal on the future care of the park, or publishing a guide on proper tree care.

The YMCA Center for Asset Development has just released a terrific new curriculum to equip youth as change agents in the community: "Seasons of Service: Engaging Youth in Service-Learning Throughout the Year." It's free at theassetedge.net/seasons-of-service.pdf.

The folks at DoSomething.org, an organization for teens dedicated to social change, compiled an interactive workbook for tweens: "Do Something! A Handbook for Young Activists" (Workman, 2010). With action plans and 41 projects that range from disaster relief to bullying prevention, you're sure to find something that will appeal to your kids.

Another book, "How to Be an Everyday Philanthropist" (Workman, 2009), has a practical spin on how to make a difference in the world. It's all about "using what you have, not what you earn," says author Nicole Bouchard Boles. Many of its 330 ideas will appeal to tweens.

When tweens and parents volunteer together, it's the best of all worlds, according to Long Valley, N.J., middle school teacher Matt Marciano. For several years, he has engaged his sixth-grade social studies classes in "Change the World" projects to improve their community. He emphasizes the philosophy of "paying it forward" -- returning good deeds by helping others. His students have created a recycling program, made teddy bears for family shelters, established a pet therapy program in a local nursing home and helped an area homeless family. This past year, parents joined in, allowing students to expand their impact.

Getting tweens to think big about changing the world often starts with small gestures close to home, such as running errands for a sick neighbor.

"I tell students their summer assignment is to perform a random act of kindness every day," says Helena Wright, a Massachusetts middle school counselor. "It helps them be more other-directed and less focused on 'me, me, me.'"

Find ideas at www.randomactsofkindness.org.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: We're traveling from Tennessee to Colorado for a reunion. My husband and I didn't go to college, but we want our two daughters to have this opportunity. We hope to visit colleges en route to inspire them. One will be a freshman and the other will be starting middle school. Is it too soon for them to visit colleges?

A: No, not at all. Weaving college visits into a vacation is a great way to give your daughters a snapshot of life on campus without the pressure of applying.

"It's never too early to open kids' eyes to the potential of college," says Jose Ruben Olivares, the principal at Think College Now, a college-focused public elementary school in Oakland, Calif.

Visits ignite what Olivares calls "college knowledge" -- setting goals, thinking about careers and developing study skills to get grades required for acceptance.

The secret to inspiring your daughters is keeping the visits short and informal.

"Don't pack the trip full of tours where your middle grader listens to a stream of data such as what the average GPA of the incoming freshman class is," says Sally Reed, an editor at College Bound (www.collegeboundnews.com), a resource for guidance counselors and parents. "Your goal is to whet their appetites and show them the range of different colleges. That's best done by short visits, researched ahead of time so you can hit the hot spots, and move on."

Where to start? Using a current college guide, find schools along the way that excel in subjects of interest to your daughters. Call the admissions office. Are facilities such as a music hall, pool or student union open to visitors? Are student-led tours offered? What events are scheduled while you're there? Many universities have summer programs for high school students; speaking with peer participants might interest your daughters. Research alumni: Who attended that the girls have heard of?

Let's say you're headed across I-70. Check out the University of Missouri at Columbia, a great college town. Sheryl Crow, Jon Hamm and Kate Capshaw are alumni. Mizzou's campus has a botanical garden with 42,000 plants and trees. The university offers degree programs in 280 fields. Its Columbia enrollment is just north of 33,000.

Compare that to Stephens College, also in Columbia. This small, women's residential institution is known for individualized attention in fields of film, design, theater, interior design and equestrian studies. There's even pet-friendly housing if your daughter doesn't want to leave her kitty behind.

Those two stops alone will show your girls the choices open to them. Just remember that it's a vacation to open eyes and see possibilities, says Reed.

"Don't talk about grades, test scores, SATs and applications," she says. "Just enjoy the campuses."

If you have a good experience, stop at the college bookstore. Get a pennant for a bedroom wall or college sweatshirts for your daughters' soccer practice.

"We have banners from nearly every college in the nation on our school's walls," Olivares says. "These daily reminders encourage students to aspire to college."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)