DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years now. Things have been rocky from time to time but I was feeling really happy with our relationship until recently. I'm annoyed with him and it's for one reason: I feel like he has become really lazy within our relationship. I understand that we are comfortable with each other—and in a lot of ways I really like that—but certain things are starting to irk me. He doesn’t seem to make an effort. I know with the pandemic we can’t go out on dates like we used to, but he has just taken that to a whole new level. He doesn’t seem very invested in romance, anymore. He’s also been lazy with his appearance, too. He used to work out regularly but has stopped. He blames not feeling comfortable going to the gym because of Covid-19, but I have mentioned other options and he doesn’t like any of them. I would never break up with him because of this alone, but it's part of the larger problem. Additionally, it is not uncommon for him to be unshowered and just sloppy. What do you think I should do? I know this is a rough time for everyone, but I’m over this. —HAD ENOUGH

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Reading this letter, I see two issues happening simultaneously: One being that you are feeling underappreciated and the other being that you haven’t grieved for what we have all lost. Take time to process this. Are your frustrations stemming from unacknowledged grief? Your relationship has changed. The world has changed. Nothing is the same as it was this time last year and nothing will be the same moving forward. Talk to your boyfriend about that. His recent lack of interest in life may be rooted in depression. He also has to grieve for things lost, too. Simple things like going to the gym and feeling good about himself may feel far away these days. Our society is refusing to talk about loss both collectively and personally. There is fear. There is anxiety. There are mounting concerns and the more we ignore them, the more we internalize them. Talk to him about how you feel neglected and vulnerable. He may not be aware that he isn’t giving you what you need. If you are embarrassed to tell him how you feel, write it down first and organize your thoughts. Try not to place blame. Instead, use “I” sentences and make it specific to the concerns raised in your letter. You are a team, so use this conversation to focus on how you can strengthen your relationship. He may be more receptive—and more relieved—than you think. 

DEAR NATALIE: I had a date a few weeks ago. It seemed to go well. The next day they texted me and said they were thinking that it wasn't the right time for a relationship. They do like me; but they are moving and just got out of a relationship. They want to be friends right now. I told them that I understood. I was sad but I respected their decision. I thought we would go back to being friends as we had been before. I texted them once or twice and they were friendly. Then I got a weird vibe. I texted to check in and they said they needed some space. I’ve been giving them space since that text. But I still like them. I don’t know how they feel about me. I’d like to know but I don’t want to intrude. We don’t seem to have a whole lot in common but I do really think we had a connection. I think I messed up. But I feel like if they don’t like me because I messed up on the timing of this then it’s not worth it. What do I do? I don’t know. —MESSED UP

DEAR MESSED UP: I’m trying to figure out where you messed up. I don’t see it. You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself about this situation. Sharing how you felt isn’t “messing up.” In fact, I would consider that a good thing. You were open, honest and just wanted to know where you stand. Now, you have to take a step back. You can’t control this timeline and you can’t force feelings. Respect the fact that they are going through a lot, with moving and with getting out of a relationship. Not everyone can jump into new things right away. Take this time to focus on what makes you feel complete. Give yourself some space for a new hobby. Learn about a new subject. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself. If they come around, great. But don’t wait on them to move your life forward in a meaningful way. Try redirecting your energy and see what happens. You may surprise yourself!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: Is there any way to win my boyfriend back? I broke up with him at the beginning of the pandemic thinking I needed some space after four years together. I realize looking back at it now, I just needed a mental break from all of the stress related to Covid-19. I really miss him and feel like I made a huge mistake. I don’t think he is dating anyone new and we’ve been texting a little back and forth. Do you think there is a chance I could get him back? —MISTAKES MADE

DEAR MISTAKES MADE: The fact that he is still willing to text with you after you dumped him may indicate that there are still feelings there. I don’t know that for sure, of course, but usually if you are over someone you don’t engage with them after they’ve broken up with you. Then again, he could be a masochist. Let’s assume, though, that he is interested. What does that mean for you and your relationship? You have a big mountain to climb to win back his trust. But you won’t know where you stand until you talk to him. Now you just have to get up the nerve to admit that you made a mistake and want him back. You should also share with him how things will be different this time around. Apologize for the mistake of letting him go, but it was in that absence that you recognized how much he meant to you. Who knows? Maybe this time apart was something you both needed to realize your true feelings. We know what yours are. Now… you have to find out if he still feels the same.  

DEAR NATALIE: I am a newly divorced mom of two young boys. My ex-husband cheated on me over the last year and is now about to marry the woman that he had an affair with. I am devastated. I just want to be alone. But, my family and friends are pushing me to get back into the dating game, saying that if I wait too long, I won’t be able to find love again. Are they right? I honestly have no desire to date right now—especially because of Covid-19—and want to focus on getting my life back together. My children are my number one priority. I don’t even know if I ever want a relationship again. Is that wrong? Is it okay to be alone? —TABLE FOR ONE

DEAR TABLE FOR ONE: Having a romantic relationship can be a beautiful thing—if that’s what you want. In your case, you are reeling from heartbreak. It’s still very raw. You are entitled to give yourself as much space and time as you need to both process what happened and to heal from it. I know your friends and family mean well, but people have this idea in their minds that we aren’t complete without a significant other. It leads to so many people staying in unhealthy relationships or feeling depressed if they are single. We have to let go of these archaic and harmful societal pressures and build a world where people can find personal fulfillment and acceptance in a variety of ways. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to explore a deeper relationship with yourself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to prioritize your children during this difficult time. If you need more support right now, see a therapist to help navigate all of the emotions that might arise due to your husband’s infidelity. You are allowed to be alone. You are complete just as you are. You do not need a partner to be worthy of love. Please take this time to care for yourself and prioritize your mental and physical health. This pandemic is the perfect excuse not to date, anyway. When and if you feel ready to explore a potential new relationship, that is your decision. But in this moment, allow yourself space to heal, to reconnect with what matters, and to make new memories with your boys.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend of two years dumped me last week because I lost my job during the pandemic. She said that she is “sick of supporting me” and told me to get a job. I have been trying. It is really hard out there and unemployment hasn’t done much to help my situation. I have been applying for work everywhere that I can. I am really upset that she dumped me because we were talking about getting engaged this year. I’ve tried calling and texting her but she’s ignoring me. What should I do? I want my old life back. —EVERYTHING IS RUINED

DEAR EVERYTHING IS RUINED: I am so sorry to hear that you haven’t been able to find consistent work since losing your job. This pandemic has caused so many issues for people, including the stress of not knowing how you will make ends meet. I can’t help but wonder why you would want to get back together with someone who has treated you so harshly in this moment. Vows that include “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health…” are supposed to mean something. Why would you want to get engaged and marry a person who isn’t showing you that she can be there for you in the tough times? I would meditate on that. Maybe she is overwhelmed and emotionally fatigued by everything, too. Maybe this is a moment she needs to take and used your financial situation as an excuse to focus on herself. Take the hint. If she won’t call you to text you back, just give the situation some space. Focus on finding work, focus on getting yourself to a healthy place and then take a second look at this relationship. You may have a different perspective on it a few months from now. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I are roommates and while I love living with her, we have one big problem. Whenever I want to do anything with my boyfriend, she always wants to hang out with us. She had a bad break up this fall and she is lonely. While I love spending time with her, I also need to spend time with my boyfriend. He is very understanding of the fact that she is going through a tough time, but we also need alone time! Since the beginning of the pandemic, my roommate and I have both worked from home, too. We are around each other all day. My boyfriend lives with his parents and his mom is immunocompromised so we don’t spend a lot of time at his house. How do I fix this without hurting her feelings?

—LOVE MY CLINGY FRIEND

DEAR LOVE MY CLINGY FRIEND: You sound like classic BFFs who love each other. I think that is awesome and not something that everyone experiences. I am happy that you both have found a friend like that in one another. Because of the depth of your friendship, it is important that you set up clear and healthy boundaries for each other. It’s easy to become enmeshed when you live together and hang out all the time. Sit down with her and just tell her what you told me. You love being with her and you need to carve out time for your partner, as well. Sometimes we build things up in our heads and assume our friends will react one way, and then when they don’t, we wonder why we worked ourselves up into a frenzy about it. Just be honest with her, set boundaries, and see how it goes. She may surprisingly enjoy a little alone time for herself, too, and then everyone’s relationships will end up better for it. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci