DEAR NATALIE: I'm 62 years old and I've raised three children. I started in 1980 and my last child left home finally in 2013 when I got married. Mind you, the middle and youngest stayed with us and we helped them out financially. To make a long story short, my son recently found out he has a six year old. I've met them and have grown to love the child. My grandchild's mother has another child one year younger than my son’s. When the mother came to pick up my grandchild, she had the other child with her. Her child asked me if she could come next time. I said, “We'll see.” I've been thinking about that ever since. I was going to take the mother to lunch and explain that I wouldn't want to start something with the other child. My son’s child is six and full of energy. Even though I say I'm a young 62, sometimes, I feel my age. I know I don't have to be obligated to the other child, but after she comes home from a visit, I don't want to create any animosity between them. -NEED YOUR OPINION

DEAR NEED YOUR OPINION: Let me start by saying that I think it is admirable that you have decided to embrace your new grandchild. It’s beautiful that they will grow up having more family around to love and support them. I also respect and understand your concern about taking on more responsibility by having their sibling -- who isn’t related to you -- with you when you are alone. It takes a lot of energy to entertain one six year old let alone adding a smaller one to the mix! I also understand why you don’t want the other little one to feel excluded. But maybe there is a compromise here. Perhaps you can plan a playdate with both of them while the mother is present. Maybe the next time you go for ice cream or a walk through the park with your grandchild, you could have their mother and other child meet you so they can have some play time together without the burden being placed on you. This -- of course -- only works if you get along with your grandchild’s mother. But if you do, try that and see how it feels. Maybe it’s just for a half hour once a month, but perhaps integrating their sibling into your world a little bit will help them feel included without you feeling depleted. 

DEAR NATALIE: As a bi, homoromantic (coupled for many years) male who works in early childhood, I am faced daily with mothers who breastfeed in public. While I am 100% in support of their decision to freely breastfeed without constraints, I am still struggling with how to respond. Of course this is non-sexual in nature, and I am not getting any *jollies* from this natural providing of nourishment. Yet, I still feel uncomfortable and want to know how to show deference to the situation. Do I just remain in eye contact? Do we speak about what is going on or should I just ignore it? There are so many social taboos left over from our puritanical society that make me feel uneasy at best. Thoughts on how to best put everyone at ease? —BREAST IS BEST

DEAR BREAST IS BEST: Thank you for your thoughtful question. I understand that someone who breastfeeds in public can make some people feel uncomfortable. For centuries, women’s bodies have been sexualized and seen through the patriarchal gaze as not their own, but instead to be enjoyed and used by men. While it may seem archaic to some, remnants of it exist everywhere. So how can you combat those feelings? Remind yourself that breastfeeding is natural, it’s healthy and normal. When you are with a person who is breastfeeding, try not to stare. Ask them if they need anything if that feels appropriate or if they are comfortable. (Are they in need of an extra pillow, for example, if you are in a lounge or sitting area.) If none of that feels comfortable to you, simply ignore it. Not in a dismissive way, but carry on with your conversation while they breastfeed and try to follow their lead. If they are comfortable, smiling and seem at ease, attempt to match that energy. Over time, I think people will become less nervous and more comfortable with breastfeeding, but it takes people like you who are willing to sit with their discomfort and examine it.

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DEAR NATALIE: I had an affair with my now-husband five years ago. We were both married to other people at the time and we fell in love when he was separated from his wife. I was not separated from my husband. After our respective divorces, we decided to get together. My family was horrified. They have not been accepting of him. We’ve been married for two years now and my parents still won’t speak to him and hardly speak to me. It’s awkward, of course, but now worse because I just found out that I am pregnant with our first child. I wish my parents could see how much happier I am in this marriage than I ever was with my ex-husband. Is there any way I can smooth things over and make them see what a good person he is? They said that “they don’t trust him” and that “he lured me in.” At what point do I give up on my family? I want them to be a part of our child’s life, but this silent treatment has broken me inside. Any ideas on how to bring us together? -MISSING MY FAMILY

DEAR MISSING MY FAMILY: I am so sorry to hear that your family hasn’t been able to move beyond what happened years ago. For some parents, they think that their children are extensions of themselves instead of independent people living their own journeys. From what you are sharing with me, I feel as though your parents are still disappointed that you didn’t live up to their expectations for your life and may even feel as though they “failed” as parents. Because of that egocentric approach, they could be centering themselves and are embarrassed by what happened. But what’s done is done. You and your husband made your choice. You are happy and expanding your family. Your parents can either engage with you and their grandchild -- who is innocent in all of this -- or they will miss out on sharing life together. I would write them a letter if you don’t think they will pick up the phone. Share with them what is on your heart. Put pen to paper. Tell them your happy news and express that you miss them. We can’t go back, but we can start again. I also hope that you have sought therapy for everything that you have gone through. Having your parents cut you out of their lives was most likely painful and could have influenced how you felt about yourself. I hope you are working on yourself and moving towards a future filled with joy and forgiveness -- for everyone. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I are throwing a joint birthday party for ourselves in November. We are both turning 40 and wanted to do something splashy together. The problem is, she keeps making plans with the event planner without me. So far, she has picked the color scheme, the venue and the cake flavors. I feel completely left out even though I am footing half this bill. I have tried to talk to the planner about my ideas and contributions, but my BFF just walks all over her. I love her, but she is a nightmare to party plan with. I also wanted to make this event “covid proof” and limit the guest list to just our close friends and family but the list of people she’s inviting -- and the budget -- keeps growing. How do I rein her in without ruining our relationship? I have never seen this side of her and we’ve known each other for years. Any suggestions?  —TOO OLD FOR THIS

DEAR TOO OLD FOR THIS: I re-read the letter and wasn’t sure if this was a party for 40-year-old women or 16-year-old girls considering how your friend is behaving. This is some bratty birthday behavior. If I were you, I would sit her down and lay it out. This is a joint event, you are sharing this special day, and she needs to start respecting the fact that your opinions matter. Let your event planner know that unless both of you sign off on items for the party, you aren’t helping foot the bill. Then sit your friend down and share that with her. She may not realize that you feel left out. Sometimes, people just get caught up in the excitement of the moment and after 16 months (and counting!) of this pandemic, people are antsy and acting impulsively. Give her the opportunity to apologize and move on. If she still continues to act like a diva, pull the plug on this joint party and have your own another night. A birthday is not a reason to end a years-long friendship. You’ll just know not to plan a party with her ever again.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

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DEAR NATALIE: I let my sister move in with me during Covid so that she could get back on her feet. She had lost her job and things were challenging financially. But for the past four months, she has been working full-time and seems to be doing fine. I feel bad asking her to leave, but my husband and I would like to have our space back. It was only supposed to be temporary, but she is already talking about staying through the end of the year. How can I gently ask her to go without causing a rift? I love her, however this has to end at some point. -TIME TO GO

DEAR TIME TO GO: Family dynamics can be tricky in any situation, let alone when you pile on a pandemic and a job loss. While I feel for your sister, wearing out one’s welcome is never a good look. Now that she has a job, it may be a good time to sit down and just ask her about that timeline she proposed. Maybe you can bump it up a month or two, bringing it closer to mid or early November? Offer to help her look for an apartment or house for rent if she is open to it. These things can be overwhelming and can feel paralyzing. She may just feel so safe, loved and comfortable with you that she is afraid to leap. Approach her with love and respect. Share that you want her to move forward while knowing that she has a safe place to land should she need it. With that approach, it may feel less like you are throwing her out and more like you are propelling her forward into a new adventure.  

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve recently reconnected with an old flame that I dated about thirty years ago. My intentions are purely platonic, but she seems to think that there is a chance we may get back together. I have explained to her that since losing my wife five years ago, I don’t want to be with anyone again. She was the love of my life, but nothing seems to deter this woman from wanting to see me. Do you think it’s a bad idea if we get together and catch up? I don’t want to lead her on but I also wouldn’t mind seeing an old friend. What do you think? My son says that I am allowed to have friends, but not if they have feelings that aren’t reciprocated. Thoughts? —PURELY PLATONIC

DEAR PURELY PLATONIC: If you have any curiosity at all, why not meet up with her? Do you think maybe you are afraid of what you might feel? If you do have even the tiniest desire to date again, it doesn’t mean that you love your wife any less or that your memories are any less valuable. You are allowed to seek companionship, friendship -- and yes -- even romance. If you aren’t ready for that, continue to be honest with your old flame and let her know. Go ahead and set up a coffee date or a lunch. Those are usually a little less romantically charged than dinner or drinks. And who knows what is around the corner for any of us? Keep an open mind and heart. You may not end up dating, but perhaps a real friendship can blossom.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci