DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 21-year old college student. Recently, my cousin (also 21) moved in with my parents and me because her mom is verbally and mentally abusive. Lately, I’m having issues with her being here. She is in my room, leaving me no time for myself. Often, she ends up napping in my bed instead of hers, leaving drool on my sheets. When she comes home from school, she drops all of her things in my room. My parents have cleared out a room for her, yet most of her stuff is in my room.

She pretty much lives in my room. She’s always getting ready in my room instead of hers and talks on the phone with her boyfriend while I’m studying. She’s constantly complaining about school, her boyfriend -- everything. If I get invited somewhere, she tries to tag along. I don’t know what to do. I need time for myself. I can’t bring these issues up to her because she’s extremely sensitive and will see it as an attack. I don’t know how much longer I can take it because she is stuck here until May. Please Help. -- Leave Me Alone, Austin

DEAR LEAVE ME ALONE: Being clear is your only solution. You must set boundaries with your cousin, even if it hurts her feelings at first. Sit her down and tell her that the only way it is going to work for her to live with you is if she follows house rules. That includes giving you space, living in the room that your family has designated for her and building her own life. She cannot go everywhere with you or inhabit your room. If she cannot abide by those basic rules, she can’t stay with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I address a situation following a visit with some relatives? We enjoyed a wonderful visit, and they were kind to put us up in their guest room. Not long into our stay, I woke up with strange, itchy bites on my legs and shoulders. When I mentioned it to our host, she quickly supplied me with some itch cream and changed the subject.

Once we returned home, we met a few of our relatives, and they mentioned that this particular household was experiencing bedbugs. I was shocked and insulted that they didn’t mention the infestation or warn us ahead of time. We’re now in the process of making sure we didn’t bring any bedbugs home, and we have hired an exterminator as a precaution as well as replaced some furniture. We’re now in a financial bind. What would be the proper way to address this, and should our host feel some responsibility for costs? -- Bedbug Warning, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR BEDBUG WARNING: You should call your relatives and address the situation directly. Remind them of the bites you experienced and how they brushed it off. Tell them that you learned from other relatives that they have bedbugs. Express your disappointment and anger that they didn’t tell you. Ask them to reimburse you for the expense you have incurred in order to prevent an infestation at your home.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spend a lot of time by myself, which I prefer. I moved back home a few years ago to take care of some family business after my mother died. Though I have some family here, I don’t see them much. They have invited me to come spend time with them over the holidays, which is nice and all, but I don’t really want to do it. They have a big family, and it brings back a lot of uncomfortable memories that are extra hard for me now that all of my immediate family is gone. How can I continue to do what I want -- to lie low -- without offending them? -- Bowing Out, Detroit

DEAR BOWING OUT: Thank your family for always including you in their celebrations. Express how much you appreciate them thinking of you. Tell them that this year you will not be attending their events. You don’t have to explain why. You can simply decline their invitation -- graciously. Know that one day they may stop inviting you if you never go. Know, too, that getting out and being with family, even if they are a bustling one, may be good for you. You don’t have to like every aspect of the experience, but you may find joy in the camaraderie.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is married to an opinionated big-mouth who never has a kind word to say to anybody. She frequently berates him and other members of our family. This behavior is disturbing to the entire family, especially to our mother.

My other brother is in prison on drug charges. Our family has suffered a great deal of pain because of his sentencing, but we have found strength in our unity and have remained supportive of him. My brother’s wife, however, never misses an opportunity to express her hatred for my brother in prison. She's completely insensitive to our feelings. I don't treat her like a sister-in-law because she does not behave like a member of the family.

I would like to write her off and never have any contact with her again, but I worry that it would upset my mother and brother, and they don't need any more problems.

Can you please advise me how to deal with my sister-in-law without starting a family feud? -- I've Had Enough, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR I’VE HAD ENOUGH: Speak to your sister-in-law separately, and ask her to be more considerate about your brother who is in prison. Tell her that her derogatory comments about your brother are hurtful and unnecessary. Be direct with her, and let her know that when she speaks unkindly about him, it hurts his mother’s feelings and creates unnecessary tension. Ask her to stop.

When she goes in with her barbs about him -- or anybody else, for that matter -- speak up and change the subject. You can even say, with a bit of humor mixed in to lighten the moment, ”OK, Delores (or whatever her name is), let it be, girl. Let’s move on.” Don’t let her keep control of the conversation. If you interrupt her enough, she should eventually stop.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 39 years old, and I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for seven years. Not long after moving into the house I own, my girlfriend quit her job. She's been unemployed for more than five years now. We've had sex once in the last three years.

Even though I care about my girlfriend and want her to be OK, I've checked out mentally. I’ve expressed that things aren’t working between us. I don't want to just throw her out; she would be homeless. I've offered to help her out with some money, but she refuses. We’ve gone through this before, and eventually she asks me to give our relationship more time or pretends like we haven't broken up, forcing me to remind her of our split and crushing her. This is wearing me down. What can I do to help her get out on her own without being a jerk? -- The Breakup, Denver

DEAR THE BREAKUP: The more you avoid the end, the more difficult it will be. Talk to a lawyer to find out your legal rights in “evicting” your girlfriend. It isn’t always easy to do. Research social services that may help her to make the most comfortable transition. Armed with this information, give her a deadline for moving out -- and stick to it. Help her pack her things. When the date comes, offer to drive her to her new home. If she has nowhere, drive her to a local shelter. Yes, this may seem harsh, but it may be the only way to cut the cord.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbors asked me to watch their dog while they went on vacation. It was supposed to be one dog, and another neighbor would also help. As the departure date neared, I learned that the other neighbor wouldn’t be helping, and I’d be watching both of their dogs, including a puppy that was not house-trained. The puppy had diarrhea the first four days they were gone. I had to go to their home four to five times a day for the seven days they were gone to walk the dogs all while tending to my three young children. Every time I went over, there was a mess. I spent $60 on cleaning supplies.

In hindsight, I realize my mistake was not getting payment arranged and in writing before they left. They brought back about $20 worth of gifts for my children, but it has been three months, and I’ve yet to see any other money for my time or expenses. My husband and I have given a few friendly reminders, but now we are both irritated. I feel disrespected and angry. What would be the best way to ask them to pay for my time and cleaning supplies? -- Doggy Care, Reisterstown, Maryland

DEAR DOGGY CARE: Submit a bill for reimbursement for all of the expenses that you incurred with a deadline for payment. If they do not pay within that timeframe, file a claim against them in small claims court. You need to wake them up to their responsibility. This should do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)