Q: I want to link our children's allowances to some real skills, such as math, goal-setting and saving, as well as doing household tasks. What is the best way to do this? My children are 8 and 10.

A: A challenging economy means more and more parents are handing out savings lessons along with the weekly allowances. Gail Karlitz, author of "Growing Money: A Complete Investing Guide for Kids" (Price Stern Sloan, 2010), offers this good advice.

When you give an allowance, says Karlitz, "you're saying to your child, 'You're old enough to learn the value of money and its role in our lives.' The amount depends on what it is expected to be used for. Many people give a dollar each week per year of age."

Karlitz, who leads a popular workshop for parents titled "The Biggest Job ... Character-Based Parenting," doesn't believe in using allowances to pay kids for household chores. She wants kids to develop a sense of responsibility to the household, to feel that all family members should contribute "because we live here. We respect and take care of our clothes, toys, surroundings -- and benefit from a nice, smoothly running household."

She suggests starting by explaining the concepts of "needs" (food, clothes, housing and so on), "wants" (treats, entertainment, things we like but don't have to have), "goals" (things we must save for, such as a new TV), and "giving to others" (church collections, birthday presents or charity).

Give each child a notebook with a section for each category. "Ask them to label the pages in each section, list what they will include in that category, and indicate how much of their allowance will go to it. Explain that Mom and Dad will take care of all the family 'needs' while they are young," Karlitz coaches. "Discuss and decide what is appropriate for their lists. Will they donate a percentage to a charity? If a toy gun or a midriff-baring blouse is not an acceptable goal, let them know rather than face the 'but it's my money' challenge in the store!"

As children receive allowances and cash gifts, they enter the amount going into each category and keep a running total. "The page for 'goals' might show how much more they need to reach the goal," she advises. "They should also enter the amount they take from any category. The entry gives kids a chance to see how the money is adding up. Use a clear plastic envelope, box or jar for each category for each child, so they can see that actual money."

Set reachable savings goals for kids. "If it's too much a stretch," Karlitz says, "consider paying the balance of the cost of an item after the child reaches a targeted savings level."

Karlitz suggests teaching kids to research prices and sources of their goal items. Who has the best price? Is there a difference among brands? "These are great discussions that help young people become savvy savers and careful consumers!" she says.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: Our second-grade twins came home with class lists for their Valentine's Day exchange. Last year my son, who's a bit quirky, didn't get cards from some classmates. He was so hurt. I have nothing against "love," but this holiday seems over the top -- especially in a school that doesn't allow Christmas! How can I push back without seeming petty?

A: Most principals leave the decision of whether or not to celebrate Valentine's Day in teachers' hands. In most schools it doesn't go beyond the primary grades. While the event is set in motion, there's still time to plan an extension of the activity so that children focus on the day's original intent -- spreading good wishes and affection -- rather than how many cards and heart candies come their way.

Keith Garton, publisher of Red Chair Press books on character development, suggests approaching the teacher with this idea: Volunteer to work with the class to start a new Valentine's Day tradition of sending messages of hope and happiness to others who need a shot in the arm.

"For example, many elderly people have little contact with family and friends," he says. "It's not uncommon for them to feel sadness as they see commercials for Valentine candy and flowers. Why not devote some class time to making colorful collages for residents of local nursing homes or assisted living centers? Call to get first names so that the card collages are personalized."

Ask classmates to join you and your twins in dropping these off in person. "Your children will learn that giving a smile, good wishes and a few minutes of unexpected friendship can remedy another's loneliness," says Garton.

If the visit goes well, talk to your children's teacher about "adopting" the residents of the nursing home, says Garton.

"Plan monthly visits," he says. "For each resident, create name poems they can post on their door. Write the person's first name in a vertical line on a piece of paper. Then, beginning with each letter of the person's name, write something nice about that new friend -- something they do well, something they like or want to be remembered for. Then decorate the paper with markers, stickers and glitter. Present the name poems on one of your visits."

The class could also make and send Valentines to children who are hospitalized or in homeless shelters, or to members of the armed services who are far away from their loved ones.

"We want our children to develop character, good values and show kindness and respect to others, yet we make many of our celebrations totally kid-focused," says Garton. "Many parents want to dial this back. Our research on character development shows that children as young as second grade want to help others and understand that giving brings us pleasure."

Want to encourage your children to learn the joy of helping others? Red Chair Press is offering parents a free eBook, "The Best Birthday Gift," a heartwarming story to help a child see the benefit of listening, loving and showing respect. For more information, go to info.redchairpress.com/blog.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My two teen girls chatter with their peers, but they haven't learned the art of adult conversation. They never ask good questions or push a topic along. Do schools cover this? Are there any tricks I can use to teach them?

A: Schools do teach this, but not nearly enough, say two California educators, Marie Crawford and Jeff Zwiers. They train teachers to help students learn the skills essential for dialogue -- conversations in which we share different perspectives, build ideas and solve problems. They outline many strategies in their useful book, "Academic Conversations" (Stenhouse Publishers, 2011).

Crawford and Zwiers say students should develop five core skills to hold more complex conversations: (BEGIN ITALS)elaborating and clarifying, supporting ideas with evidence, building on or challenging ideas, paraphrasing and synthesizing.(END ITALS)

You can model these with your teens using topics they raise. For example, your daughter says, "Using hashtags on Facebook is so annoying. I mean, who does that?" You might say, "That's such an interesting observation. Please tell me why you think that." And a dialogue begins.

Do this consistently and your teens will reap academic benefits way beyond becoming interesting conversationalists. Academic conversation builds vocabulary and grammar; critical thinking such as persuasion, interpretation and evaluation; literacy skills such as predicting, summarizing and understanding abstract concepts, such as irony; and respect for each other's ideas and voices.

Learning to ask useful questions is important. "Questions linger, push and energize thinking; they open up the mind rather than shut it down," say Crawford and Zwiers. Questions help kids become "creative, empathic, hypothetical and humble." These are all qualities we want teens to develop.

Crawford teaches students how to ask several kinds of questions. You'll find them easy to model.

-- Questions that sustain conversations: These clarify and focus. Some examples are: (BEGIN ITALS)"What do you mean by ...?" "What is that important?" "What do others think?"(END ITALS)

-- Questions that explore meaning: We ask students to memorize meanings, says Crawford, but rarely to come up with their own definitions for concepts they're studying, such as democracy and freedom. For example, if discussing Occupy Wall Street, you might probe, "What does being 'middle class' mean? What has it meant for people at other times in our history?"

-- Questions that linger: Pondering leads to more focused problem-solving, says Zwiers. Encourage students to write down questions of interest. For example, "Is college worth the cost?" Suggest people they can talk with. Encourage them to research answers on their own. Come back to the question over time as their understanding deepens.

-- Questions that inspire "higher order" thinking: These ask for answers that go beyond recall and memorization. For example, if your daughters are into the "Twilight" series, ask questions such as, "Is Bella right or wrong in her decision?" "What did the author do to get readers to feel a certain way?" "How are the books and movies the same? Different?" and so on.

If you apply these techniques to topics your girls care about, and you are genuinely interested in what they think, they'll walk the walk as conversationalists!

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)