Q: My 7- and 8-year old sons participated in a holiday toy drive. It made a great impression and they want to do more. How can I nurture their desire to help others without it becoming a full-time job?

A: Parents work hard to help kids develop kindness, empathy and a motivation to act charitably -- to do things that benefit other individuals, groups or society as a whole. Kid-generated projects can "grow" these skills quickly.

"Neuroscientists say something goes on in the brain that makes us feel good when we help other people. When kids learn to lend a hand, they are motivated to do more," says California counselor Marissa Gehley, founder of KNOW (Kids Need Our Wisdom) consulting.

Learning to give back shapes a child's life. "It builds character and encourages personal responsibility that helps them succeed in adulthood," says Jan Helson, co-author of "The Global Game Changers" (Pixel Entertainment, 2012), a kids' book on doing for others without expecting anything in return (theglobalgamechangers.com).

Your sons' project should fill a genuine need, have a realistic plan for execution, and be something the young organizers are passionate enough to see through.

"Start small. If it works, expand it," Gehley advises.

How do you identify a genuine need? "News stories are a great way for children to learn about challenges and spot opportunities to help," says Helson, especially when young people are part of the solution. Google "kids making a difference," and you'll find many inspiring stories.

Your sons' project doesn't have to take over your life. Once it gets rolling, folks will join in. For example, Kayleigh Crimmins, a police officer's daughter, noticed that some police dogs lacked bulletproof vests because departments couldn't afford them. She started Kids for K9s to raise funds so more dogs could have vests. Jaylen Arnold, a bullying victim featured in "The Global Game Changers," started Jaylen's Challenge to educate kids about the effects of bullying. Others joined to help both organizations grow.

Consider integrating your sons' effort into an existing framework. "Local service clubs and youth groups like to support young people's good ideas," says Gehley. "Many schools have community service programs to tap into."

Visit websites for charities such as Goodwill, the Red Cross and Habitat for Humanity. Identify the need that the organization fulfills, and discuss with your boys whether there's something they can do to support it. For example, many kids participate in the program Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF. (The website unicef.org offers videos of children helped by Trick-or-Treat's donations.) Is there a way to expand the program in your community? Or, can your boys help collect, sort and donate gently used clothes, small appliances and toys to benefit a local charity's thrift shop?

These conversations are important, says Gehley, especially at this time of year when parents want to talk about the spirit of giving, not just spending. The Central Carolina Community Foundation created a card game, Talk About Giving, to help families have this conversation. For more information, go to yourfoundation.org.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: We live far from Connecticut, yet the horrible tragedy there freaked out my 6-year-old daughter. The TV reports upset her so much I kept her home from school. Her principal called and said it would be better if she were in school. How does that make sense?

A: Your daughter's principal is right. Psychologists say one of the things kids need most after a tragedy is a return to a comforting and familiar routine. This is why UNICEF rushes "School in a Box" kits to places where children are dislocated by natural disasters. The rhythm of school "helps foster a sense of normalcy in times of crisis," says Christine Hoier, education technical assistant for UNICEF.

Schools are one of the safest places for children and youth during the school day and an important place for them to receive support and return to normal routines, says Kathy Cowen of the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP).

With children on holiday break, think about ways to establish reassuring routines at home, too, while being alert to kids' concerns and questions. "Be a good listener and observer," says Cowen.

NASP offers these guidelines:

-- Make time to talk. Let your child's questions guide you as to how much information to provide. Give a clear, developmentally appropriate explanation.

-- Provide ways for children to express their emotions. Good activities include writing letters, making collages, playing music, dancing and journaling. Younger children may need concrete activities such as imaginative play or drawing pictures to help them express feelings when they can't find ways to talk about them.

-- Cut down on TV. Kids don't really need to know every detail, nor see every "breaking news" brief. Take care in your conversations in front of children. 

-- Model resilience and compassion. How you react to this tragedy can shape the way your children react and influence their perceptions of safety.

-- Don't dwell on the worst possibilities. Although there is no absolute guarantee that something bad will never happen, it is important that your daughter understand the difference between the possibility of something happening and the probability that it will affect her school. Find more suggestions as nasponline.org.

"Six-year-olds are curious and ask pointed questions about death," says Delores Seamster, Ph.D., a retired Dallas principal who now volunteers in an elementary school. "Last week, along with the tragic news from Connecticut, we dealt with the sudden death of one of our own precious students. In helping students cope, we learned that their biggest concern was that their classmate had not disappeared, that he was somewhere. Many parents drew on their faith to reassure their children that he was still with us -- just in a better place. You could see the lines of worry vanish from their faces."

It's not the school's job to use the tools of faith, says Seamster, but parents can. "Don't dwell on the tragedy over the holidays. Make it a time to share love and assurance. Your daughter will return to school more resilient in the new year." 

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: I heard an interview with an author who says character is more important than IQ in school success. I have zero time to read, but I like his idea. Are there character-building tips that will work with one bratty teen?

A: Chances are you heard author Paul Tough, whose new book, "How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character" (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2012), has teachers and parents buzzing. It showcases the work of scientists who have identified skills they believe are crucial to success, such as persistence, curiosity, conscientiousness, optimism, gratitude and self-control. Neuroscientists call these executive functions, says Tough, but "the rest of us often sum them up with the word 'character.'"

There is no quick cure for brattiness, but you can shape your teen's character over time through daily experiences that reflect and reinforce a family's values, says Stephen Wallace, school psychologist and director of the Center for Adolescent Research and Education at Susquehanna University in Selinsgrove, Pa.

"Make this a family project over the holidays to identify and discuss values and character traits that you'd like to practice," Wallace says. "Don't think kids will balk at this. Research shows that they want to have these talks, much more than parents know!"

Create a family guide or rulebook -- give it a great title and cover. Credit the family member whose ideas are reflected in each entry. Insert inspiring quotes from thinkers that relate to specific character traits.

For example, do you want your children to be more respectful of others? Wallace suggests a family rule: Leave every place neater than you found it.

"This has an astounding impact on bathrooms, kitchens, and dens!" he says.

Would you like your children to be more appreciative? Practice thanking folks for everyday actions: the movie usher as you enter the theater, the bus driver as you exit the bus, etc. Gratitude leads to an optimistic outlook.

Do you want your kids to be more punctual? Consider Wallace's own personal rule: "Early is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable."

Is one of your kids a perfectionist, afraid to take chances? Consider an entry that says mistakes are OK: "Sometimes failure helps us succeed."

One value children love to discuss is, "Do the right thing, even when no one is watching," says Wallace. "It goes to the heart of character. It gets them to demonstrate whether they are serious about values they profess to hold."

"'Be kind to those who love you' is a great rule for families," says Wallace. "Write it on sticky notes to remind everyone that it's important to nurture our relationships!"

Many families are taking the dinner hour to build relationships and reinforce desired character traits, says Wallace.

"A University of Minnesota study shows positive social and academic effects on kids when families carve out mealtime together," he says. (For more information, go to thefamilydinnerproject.org.)

Exploring and defining your family's values is a wonderful a gift to give each other over the holidays, says Wallace.

"What better way to write family New Year's resolutions?" he says.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)